There’s something queer in the scare

It’s a trio of flicks featuring gay, lesbian, and queer characters in a variety of subgenres.

TIME CUT (2024)

Apparently, Time Cut first went into production like two years before Totally Killer even existed, but then the filmmaking process slowed. As a result, Totally Killer was released first and Time Cut feels like a rip-off. Don’t let that stop you from watching it, because it stands on its own in the time travel slasher subgenre.

For starters, it’s going to be trippy for some people to comprehend that it has been twenty years since the early 2000s. The film reminds us with pop culture references, mention of there being no social media or smart phones, and a soundtrack including hits by Fat Joe, Vanessa Carlton, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, and Michelle Branch. And considering one of the main characters is a lesbian, most notable is the reminder of how far queer rights have come in the past twenty years, even though they are now most likely going to swiftly slide backwards.

Anyway, twenty years ago there was a rash of teen murders. Since then, the town has fallen on hard times (there’s really no explanation for that outcome) and our main girl happens to be the sister of one of the original victims…who was murdered before the main girl was even born.

That aspect is what makes this movie pretty poignant. When the main girl finds and triggers a time machine in the very location where her sister was murdered, she is transported back to just days before the murders took place.

She rather quickly befriends a kid who totally buys that she’s from the future, and soon after she meets her late sister, and it’s kind of sad. Not only that they never got the chance to know each other, but also how her sister’s death changed their parents by the time she was born.

The slasher part is highly focused on the main girl and her new friends trying to stop the murders from happening. There are chase scenes, suspense, and some brutal kills, plus a fresh twist as the group is hunted by and tries to thwart the masked, knife-wielding killer. However, the plot really will test your patience when it comes to swallowing how it incorporates the whole space-time continuum issue.

CLICKBAIT: UNFOLLOWED (2024)

A movie in which we are immediately introduced to a bunch of obnoxious influencers had me thinking I was going to hate it, but this shit turned out to be a blast. And the opening credits featuring super detailed, gory clips of a facelift let me know right away that it was also going to get ugly.

So these influencers are invited to a mansion for a sort of influencer version of Big Brother. We get:

Peach—the queer lead character (yay!)

An insecure, chubby girl with glasses
A hippy chick
A pretty boy

A douchebag dude
A stage mom and the tween son she’s trying to make famous

Best of all is the hostess of the show, who appears on a screen in the living room and looks like a Real Housewife of Mar-a-Lago. She is camptastic. Or should I say camplastic.

There are immediate tensions between cast members, and it only escalates once they discover what happens to them when they lose one of the online challenges in which they must participate as “guards” in masks watch over them…and dispose of them.

Amazingly, as the competitions and killings start, the characters become more likable and give pretty damn good, funny performances. Not to mention, our queer lead makes a great final gay boy, and also makes this film an honorary addition to the homo horror movies page.

Don’t expect anything frightening, because this is more like a Saw movie with a sense of humor.

THE EXORCISM OF SAINT PATRICK (2024)

In direct contrast to the happy, final gay in Clickbait: Unfollowed, this one is yet another in this new wave of queer trauma porn, and at a time like this when things are going to most likely get worse for queer folk in the U.S., this is so not what we need. Be warned that it can be a very triggering movie for those who had difficult upbringings. As I’ve said before, this is exactly why I write gay positive, sex positive, humorous homo horror in which gays are living their best lives and fighting monsters…not psychotic religious extremists.

The first fifty minutes feature a very intimate and cruel conversion therapy program between a teen boy and a priest, alone at a cabin in the woods. The performances are excellent, and this feels like a high-quality production, not a low budget indie.

The “exorcism” is not the usual possession concept—it’s at first about exorcising the homosexuality out of the teen, and later takes on a double meaning. It’s also a detailed and disturbing presentation of the mentally torturous conversion process. I don’t know if you’re going to want to sit through fifty minutes of that to get to the supernatural revenge part in the final act.

Sooooo…the kid eventually commits suicide because he can’t take it. The priest disposes of the body and plans to cover it up by telling the (equally despicable) parents that the kid ran away.

The dead body then appears to him as a glowing red mass, and the movie immediately and temporarily turns into a genuine horror film as the priest is haunted by the dead boy. This opens a Pandora’s box, and he is then visited by the ghosts of gay conversion therapy past, which becomes more of a soul-searching story culminating in a very unsatisfactory revenge killing. Sigh. I really feel like some of these queer trauma porn movies are perhaps a cathartic release for the creators with little thought about the audience.

My advice to filmmakers would be that if you’re going to make a movie about a tortured gay kid dying and then coming back from the dead for revenge, don’t make the part where he’s tortured run longer than the payback segment.

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A trio of Lovecraft inspired features

I can’t say that any of these films is a true adaptation of Lovecraft’s fiction, but they are all trippy and weird. Does that mean they’re good? Let’s find out.

HP LOVECRAFT’S WITCH HOUSE (2021)

Based on the same story as the Masters of Horror episode Dreams in the Witch House, this low budget indie film features a female protagonist rather than a male protagonist. It’s pretty cosmic horror, to the point of feeling like a fever dream in the final act. There’s a lot going on considering it all leads to a fairly basic outcome.

A college student trying to escape an abusive relationship takes refuge in the attic rental room of a house. She befriends the landlady’s niece, which eventually leads to a lesbian hookup. Not that it adds much to the story.

In the meantime, the main girl is researching the occult and other dimensions. Conveniently, there’s a plank that comes up in her floor and appears to lead to another world.

Theres a very 80s vibe, with plenty of colorful horror lighting and atmosphere in both her nightmares and in the other dimension. There’s also talk of a witch and missing kids. However, the bulk of the movie is abstract, and all the eerie, occult moments are visually dark and muddled, so you have to fill in the gaps with your imagination.

A satanic sexual orgy dance ritual scene around a fire is the highlight of the film.

NECRONOMICON (2023)

75 minutes is too long for this sloppy film that postures itself as a Lovecraft film but ends up focusing almost exclusively on infamous occultist Aleister Crowley, all while having more of a Clive Barker, cosmic sexual theme. You’d think that would make it interesting.

The opening scene, which runs over ten minutes long, isn’t even necessary. It looks like a modern-day video game as some dude in a car chase with police narrates in a voiceover, talking all about the Necronomicon, the Devil, and Lovecraft.

Then the focus shifts to Crowley. A dude is assigned to get stories about him for a graphic novel. He spends a lot of time researching The Book of the Dead, Satanism, the occult, and Crowley, there are sexual themes, including a skanky sex scene (at least there’s that), and then he eventually discovers he’s a puppet in a cult’s scheme to resurrect the beast. Don’t expect to see any beast.

And one last thing. I really started to question my horror knowledge, because I’m pretty sure characters in this movie were pronouncing it NecroMonicon, not NecroNomicon, leaving me to wonder if I’d been mispronouncing and misspelling the name of the book for decades. And dammit, now every time I see the word, I hear NecroMonicon in my head, so forgive me in advance if I spell it that way in the future.

HP LOVECRAFT’S MONSTER PORTAL (2022)

You’d think this movie is horrible based on IMDb reviews, but quite honestly, it’s the easiest to comprehend of this trio, so it was the one I liked the most.

No time is wasted in presenting us with the giant monster that is the focus of the film. Not sure if it’s supposed to be Cthulhu, but it’s awesome in all its CGI glory as it accepts a sacrifice from a cult.

Next, a young woman comes to her recently deceased father’s house with her friends to settle his affairs. They immediately discover there are dead bunnies around the property, but the housekeeper says it was the work of the cats…even though there aren’t any cats. Uh-oh.

A much more sterile version of Lovecraft style that could easily have been a SyFy original, this one gives us friends hanging out, partying in the pool, and slowly discovering there’s something ominous going on around the house.

Most importantly, the daughter discovers her father was delving into some otherworldly stuff. Eventually we get a cult, the return of the monster, and even a ritual rape scene drenched in fog and red lighting, which, to me, made for a fairly satisfying final act.

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The undead, demons, and delusions

The latest mish-mosh of films from my streaming watchlists had its moments, but only one truly satisfied me.

DON’T TURN OUT THE LIGHTS (2024)

This is a pretty good if familiar setup that suffers from a few issues. First, the 110-minute runtime kills the pacing. 20 minutes less would have made all the difference. But even worse, the seemingly supernatural threat is never revealed.

A group of young people heads for a music festival in an RV. They get into a fight with rednecks during a pit stop, and considering about half of the kids are Black, I wasn’t buying that they would ever be dumb enough to drive through redneck territory. They even repeat the same damn mistake by going into a redneck bar to ask for directions. Sigh.

Eventually, their RV gets stuck in the middle of nowhere at night, and the horror begins. And by that I mean an endless cycle of one character leaving the RV, getting dragged away by some unseen force, and then the survivors in the RV sitting around trying to hash out what could possibly be going on.

Whatever it is, it’s causing them to have delusions, which leads to them seeing one another as a threat. You’ve seen it all before, only done quicker. And with a better title that makes more sense with the film. Don’t Turn Out the Lights feels like some very lazy creativity in this case.

BEYOND THE CHAMBER OF TERROR (2021)

I should have taken it as a warning sign when one of the first words spoken in this movie was macabre…and the actor pronounced it as mu-kah-bruh. Yet, I forged ahead.

The general plot—I think—is about a mob family that has a secret location where they dispose of bodies. Another sign…the hubby and I both thought their mu-kah-bruh hideout was supposed to be a haunted attraction at first.

They abduct one of their vigilante workers because he went rogue. Beyond that, I had no idea what was going on. I’m getting exhausted from watching all these indie horror movies lately that have nonsensical scripts.

What positives are there? It’s a horror comedy and there are some very minor funny lines. There’s a load of ooey gooey, practical effect head explosions. And there are some creepy creatures. I just don’t know if they’re zombies, possessed humans, or a mix of both.

I also don’t know why there are monsters, because the movie does little to explain it all. And I don’t know why the filmmakers didn’t focus more on monster chaos rather than loads of unnecessary conversation between characters.

THE EXORCISTS (2023)

The Exorcist meets Night of the Demons, and it makes for simple, silly, midnight movie possession fun. Doug Bradley of Pinhead fame as one of the priests is purely stunt casting—it could have been anyone in the role, and his presence adds nothing special to the plot of people running around a mortuary possessing each other with the touch of a hand.

So this small “exorcism” team comes to a mortuary to deal with a stubbornly possessed girl that is being held there. We get plenty of the usual girl with demon eyes strapped down to a bed, and the exorcism team sitting around talking about whether or not it’s really a possession case, but the real fun begins when a group of kids sneaks into the mortuary because one of them wants to prove that the dead can be brought back to life. The two plots barely collide, which is odd…and interesting.

Cue the infection spreading, with Deadite types creeping through the mortuary possessing everyone. Totally my kind of demonic thrills, with some unintentionally funny moments and even some plot twists. The only gripe I have is that the production is a little too “clean”, so it lacks the gritty atmosphere and hardcore horror elements of movies like Evil Dead and Demons. Even so, this one is available on DVD, and I’m totally going to add it to my collection.

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TUBI TERRORS: masked killer time

We all love masked killer movies…when they’re good. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite feeling this trio from my Tubi watchlist. Let’s find out why.

TRUTH OR DOUBLE DARE (2018)

This film runs only 62 minutes long, and all I can say is what a relief. And no, it’s not a sequel to any of the Truth or Dare movies out there already.

For the first twenty minutes or so we meet a bunch of high school kids that look like they are 30, and none of their interactions help make any of them memorable or likable. Although, there are some unforgettable man bods.

Finally, it’s ten years later, and they all get invited to a reunion party. In between more dialogue, there are some completely disjointed death scenes. Characters are killed by someone in a mask and hoodie, yet we never learn who the victims were or why no one questions their disappearance. There’s even a quick scene in which a woman comes across a gutted body and then we never hear another thing about it.

29 minutes into the movie, a woman singing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” gets chased and stabbed by the masked killer in the woods as the people at the party start talking about playing truth or double dare. In familiar fashion, a mysterious voice on a tape machine warns them they must play the game or die.

Dirty secrets come out, they all turn against each other, and people die. The most exciting part is that one guy admits to his girlfriend that her father performed oral on him.

The old school, Scream-esque killer reveal and motivation monologue at the end is as generic as it gets. This is a bland, lifeless film with no thrills.

BEHAVE (2024)

This film is 79 minutes long, and I kid you not when I tell you every kill happens within a 1-minute span in the last five minutes. I don’t even really need to say more, but if you’re curious, here’s what you get.

In the opener, we see a girl encounter a masked figure after leaving her class. We don’t see any kill.

The other kids in class go to a mansion to relax and are taught etiquette by an influencer. There’s lots of talk and a creepy caretaker who is clearly a red herring. The biggest “scare” we get is a jiggling bedroom doorknob at night.

There’s a brief partying montage 50 minutes in.

53 minutes in the killer appears behind someone.

64 minutes in one girl has a nightmare about the killer, but at least another guy gets a formaldehyde cloth over the face a few seconds later while sleeping.

69 minutes in the killer chases everyone—basically from one room to another, and kills them all.

PREY FOR THE BRIDE (2024)

I’ll say one thing for this movie. It starts strong, with a young woman trying to fight back when someone in a cool wolf mask invades her home.

Next, a group of girls contemplates a bachelorette party after the tragedy concerning their friend. Of course they use the old “she’d want us to party” argument.

A bachelorette party at an isolated home with a wolf masked killer? Sounds awesome. There is a brutal kill early on, as well as some killer POV, and even a male stripper montage, but this turns into more of a home invasion flick combined with a typical concept of the group being forced to reveal their dark secrets, leading to them turning on each other (sort of like Truth or Double Dare). It’s really not very exciting at all.

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A trio of witch flicks

I love me a good witch flick, especially over the long holiday weekend…but did I get any witchy satisfaction from this triple feature? Let’s find out.

BEEZEL (2024)

I was psyched to see Beezel, especially since it’s Halloween season. I’ll say right off the bat that the witch herself doesn’t disappoint…what little of her we see.

The film is almost like a horror anthology. Its works as a series of vignettes about a family whose home has a witch in the basement. Each new generation must make sure to “feed her” in order to keep their cherished home. Eek!

Each short tale jumps to a different decade and features a story of someone encountering the witch. There are some great, frightening moments in most segments, but the film begins to rely way too much on dream sequences to deliver cheap scares instead of letting the witch materialize more in the reality of each situation. So frustrating.

On top of that, the final segment is way too long, the main female character is so damn annoying, and there’s little in the way of a climax. I mean, who can climax when this happens?

With Beezel being as freaky as she is and making terrifying appearances in the dream sequences, it’s a shame that she wasn’t exploited to full effect.

This film easily could have delivered the goods in the final act like Barbarian did, but it is disappointingly underwhelming instead.

HEIR OF THE WITCH (2023)

Victoria U Bell writes, directs, and stars in this atmospheric witch movie that, unfortunately, relies way too much on visions and nightmares to deliver its creepiest moments.

Our main character is a seamstress struggling to fit in with a circle of snooty upper class women. Instead, she makes matters worse by having a love affair with the husband of one of the women.

Meanwhile, she’s caring for her ailing grandmother while learning more about a family witch curse she’s trying to fend off, but the curse seems determined to ruin her.

There are some great witchy moments here, as well as some disturbing and gory moments, leading to the darkest plot line of the film—a witch’s attempt to steal a baby…that’s still in the womb. Eek!

WITCH (2024)

Maybe if you liked the period piece The Witch you’ll like Witch. I’m not sure, because I couldn’t stay focused on either of them enough to tell if they’re similar.

The basic plot is that a woman is accused of witchcraft (by a freaky looking girl who claims the woman is her mother), so the woman and her husband have to hunt down the actual witch.

Don’t expect any witch thrills. This is all talk and very little action, and you won’t find much in the way of horror except for one scene of a young woman walking around carrying two heads—which is spoiled on the poster art. Staring at the poster art is more exciting than sitting through the movie.

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A throwback to old school survival horror with Tormented Souls

Tormented Souls is a satisfying nod to classic, turn-of-the-millennium survival horror games. The setting is a big old mansion that will bring memories of earlier Resident Evil locations flooding back, but the hideous monsters are totally inspired by the creeps in Silent Hill.

The game mechanics are mostly the same as both of those classics, complete with fixed camera angles that make it impossible to see what horror you’ve just walked into when entering a room (argh!), and even an option to switch to tank controls for the true authentic feel. I opted for the more modern option of moving in the direction you press the thumb stick, which does cause some infuriating moments where you find yourself spinning in circle basically because the fixed camera angle changes and direction in which you’re moving doesn’t.

There’s an inventory system where you gather weapons, ammo, health, files, and items, with the ability to combine, use, or equip them while the action on screen freezes. Yay! However, for a game so clearly created by people who know classic survival horror, it’s quite bizarre that they crafted a tedious, multi-step process to using items. There’s a point-and-click element instead of automatically using the required item (perhaps a nod to the original PS1 Clock Tower?). For instance, if you need to use a wrench to open a door, you have to click on the door, then click “use” on the wrench in inventory, which then gives you the ability to move the wrench over to the door, where you then have to click on the highlighted spot to get the wrench to work.

Files are handled the same way. When you pick up a file, it gets added to your pamphlet of files. Instead of the text simply popping up on screen so you can read the file you just picked up, you have to click on the file on screen from your pamphlet in the inventory to read it. Sigh.

There are no item boxes in which to store things you pick up, but the game doesn’t seem to have a limited inventory—or at least you never find yourself with too many items to fit in your inventory. That’s partially because there aren’t many weapons or bullet types. In fact, there are only TWO—a nail gun and a shotgun. You want to save the shotgun for bigger boss battles and harder enemies. You’ll mostly use the nail gun, and in order to conserve the nails, you need to figure out how many nails each type of monster takes before it temporarily falls down, at which point you can finish it off with your crowbar, the only melee weapon you have.

Another item you carry with you is a lighter. This is where things get tricky. You mostly have to keep the lighter equipped, because when you walk through dark halls, the screen goes dark and wonky and you’re susceptible to enemies. In order to fight those enemies, you have to lure them into a better-lit area OR find candelabras nearby that can be lit with your lighter to brighten the battle space, after which you must switch to your weapon to start fighting. Also, to reload you can press a button, but to save time and not have to watch the slow reload animation, which leaves you vulnerable to attack, you can freeze the game by going into inventory and combining ammo with your weapon for an automatic reload.

And of course, most importantly there’s the save feature. We get old school save slots! Wahoo! You use a reel-to-reel tape on tape machines in save rooms. Unfortunately, each tape only gives you one save (remember the three saves the ink ribbons in Resident Evil gave you?), so you have to use them sparingly. This is challenging, because there were times when I didn’t find another tape until I’d been playing for at least an hour…and there were times when I’d die after doing a load of stuff and then had to do it all over again by loading the previous save. Sigh.

The map is the other challenge here. First of all, you’ll find maps on walls in the mansion, but you can’t take them. Instead, the map you can pick up is somewhere nearby on a shelf or a table. Why??? Next, when you press the button to bring up the map, it is never a straightforward view that fills the screen. Instead, the map is tilted and crooked in the center of the screen in the visual form of an actual paper map you’re carrying, so you have to use the thumb stick to rotate and adjust it for readability. Every. Time. Ridiculous. The map is also set up so each of the mansion floor is on a different tab on the file, but every time you go back in it begins on the top tab again instead of just bringing you to the map corresponding with the floor you are on. Argh! The room you’re in is highlighted on the map, but there’s no little arrow designating where exactly you are in the room. WTF? Trying to find the right direction and door to go through at any given time is fricking tedious as a result.

As with classic survival horror games, there’s a lot of backtracking to collect items to progress, plus classic puzzles that are usually solvable by reading files you’ve gathered. The good news is that enemies don’t respawn after you kill them, which you definitely should, because they are fast and take your health down a lot when they hit you, and health is scarce, so you don’t want to have to run by them numerous times. Even so, it’s highly recommended that you use a walkthrough so you aren’t running in circles trying to figure out what to do next or where to go next.

The most shocking thing about this game is that at the beginning, your character, a female, wakes up in a tub with a tube shoved down her throat and her tittays hanging out! Survival horror sure has progressed!

In the late stage of the game you finally get a convenient upgrade…you swap out your lighter for a flashlight that attaches to your shirt and is on at all times. This means you will no longer enter any dark spaces, and you can fight enemies without having to light candles to keep a room lit. What a relief.

Eventually you encounter a floating ghost. Like Nemesis in Resident Evil 3, it chases you throughout the rest of the game. However, it is invulnerable and cannot be even temporarily taken down, so you must run from it. Odd thing is, when you come upon it, if you simply turn right back around and leave the room you just entered, when you go back in a second later, it’s gone. You’ll be doing this a lot in the tail end of the game, when it begins to appear more often.

As you near your escape from the mansion (and the game), you’ll suddenly find yourself short on ammo, health, and save tapes, and the only one that becomes more plentiful is the save tape. The game gets really tough as you solve puzzles while digging your way deeper underground in tighter locations with harder enemies. Why??? It got to a point where I didn’t think I was going to be able to complete the game, especially with the sudden introduction of another new enemy. Not to mention, you eventually have to fight four of this baddie at once in order to get your hands on a key item you need to progress further. I was so out of bullets at this point, but luckily a few items were tucked away in the area to pick up. The new enemy is slow, and by running around until the foursome began walking in a line formation, I was able to shoot more than one at a time to conserve bullets. Learned that using a walkthrough, which proved to be invaluable at the very end.

By the time I reached the final boss, I thought for sure I wasn’t going to be able to finish. The game does not hook you up for a battle as some games do when they leave plenty of ammo and health along the way as you near the conclusion. Only a few items up for grabs in the actual boss arena allowed me to make it through. But here’s the trick. The giant boss is relatively easy. All you have to do is avoid the blood he spits at you from his position in the center of a series of staircases. What you need to do is shot him six times with the nail gun…the shotgun doesn’t have enough range. Nailing him six times, opens up these little Audrey II type plants that have wrapped around three different mechanisms you need to access to loosen bolts that will eventually drop a giant drill on the boss. Once you open them, you have to run up to one of the plants (you should always locate one first and then shoot the boss from nearby so you can get right back to it), shoot the plant (one shotgun bullet does the trick), then press a button on a mechanism three times at just the right, carefully timed moment to push a rod through a trio of discs with slots in them that spin by in order for you to line them up. If you screw up, you have to do the whole process over, so it’s really crucial to be accurate with guns and button pressing if you are super low on ammo.

There are also a few different endings, and you can save before the final section in order to reload the save and go for a different ending each time, so you’ll want to read a walkthrough to learn how to get each ending. The biggest disappointment was that the game doesn’t give you any bonus items on the next play through once you’ve completed it. An infinite rocket launcher would have been nice….

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HALLOWEEN HORROR ROUND-UP 2024

As far as I can tell after months of Halloween horror movie hunting, these should be the last four flicks out there that celebrate the season for this year and get added to the complete holiday horror movies page, so let’s get right into them.

THE TOWN WITHOUT HALLOWEEN (2024)


The director of Kill, Granny, Kill! and Red River goes for more of an 80s kids’ horror movie with a very indie feel.

The autumn and Halloween vibes are perfect, and this is like a throwback to Ghoulies for sure, with little, goofy puppet creatures, but it also feels very low budget. The acting is somewhat stilted at times, however, there’s something very endearing about the cast of kids.

The plot has a lot going on. There are hooded dudes doing satanic rituals to take over the world. The little creatures appear. Adults that want to cancel Halloween are turned into zombies at the town hall meeting (with cheesy makeup and blue foam spilling from their mouths).

The kids decide they have to save Halloween, which is always a fun concept, but the film falls short in the excitement arena, which is weird considering there are hooded cult members, little creatures, and zombies at its disposal!

There are a few memorable “scary” scenes, but overall, not much happens, and the finale is quite anti-climactic…although I’m pretty sure there was a nod to Ernest Scared Stupid at the end, which is just awesome.

HAUNTED ULSTER LIVE (2023)

This 78-minute, ghost-hunting Halloween mockumentary is virtually a remake of the infamous British film Ghostwatch…and just as disappointing.

It takes place on Halloween 1998. A radio personality and television network are doing a joint, live event at a supposedly haunted house. The DJ is broadcasting from the attic, the hosts are downstairs talking to the family that live there and outside speaking with spectators and neighbors, some of them in costume.

There’s a lot of talk, they look at pictures of supposed ghosts, a psychic is brought in, a legend of Black-Foot Jack is discussed, and the medium communicates with some sort of spirit through the little girl that lives there.

The movie finally ends with some moaning in the attic, but don’t expect to see anything horrific as the film crew flees the house. Yawn.

CARVED (2024)

You can’t go wrong with a Halloween horror movie about a pumpkin carving contest gone wrong when a pumpkin comes to life and starts killing people with tentacle vines. There have been several anthologies featuring killer pumpkins, and even Scooby Doo took on live pumpkins in one of his Halloween specials.

The film unnecessarily opens with the aftermath of the pumpkin carving contest before jumping back to show us how we got there, but these days a “shocker” moment is kind of obligatory to grab an audience’s attention.

Next we meet all the major players in a small town as they prepare for the big context. There’s a reporter in town covering the event, and it’s none other than the dude who played Mr. Crocket!

Also on hand is DJ Qualls, who gets to play gay in this one, with a Black partner, which lands this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

As soon as the carving contest starts, the nonstop horror action is triggered as a gnarly pumpkin comes to life and begins popping human heads off left and right with its tentacle vines. Awesome.

The cast is likable, there’s some good humor, there’s suspense, there’s gore…it’s a Halloween blast. And wouldn’t you know it all eventually leads to a pumpkin patch. The cast may be comprised mostly of kids, but this ain’t the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

Although it’s a Hulu exclusive now, I sure hope this one gets a physical release, because I’d love to add it to my Halloween horror movie collection.

HALLOWEEN MASSACRE (2024)

The 65-minute running time is perfect for this film, which has so much going for it except for the fact that those involved in making it clearly have no idea how to write a script. If you read the detailed synopsis of the film on imdb, you’ll discover that you can barely discern the plot being described in the movie, which is predominantly a montage of a killer clown doing his thing at Halloween time.

Honestly, if I hadn’t read the synopsis first, I would not have been able to pick out a plot. I guess it doesn’t matter much, because the filmmakers at least knew what they were doing when it comes to creating a Halloween horror movie vibe. In fact, this one has a fantastic grindhouse feel to it, and really reminded me of the gritty, violent style and tone of Rob Zombie’s Halloween. Adding to the atmosphere is a good throwback to 80s horror movie synth scores.

Essentially, a clown is somehow luring all these random people to his rundown house that looks like a trailer home, complete with laundry hanging on a line out front. There’s also a “main girl” out for revenge against this clown, but it’s a good thing she’s not in the movie too much, because her overacting is really distracting.

What you’re left with is a series of vicious and torturous kills, and no one is spared, including a kid and a pregnant woman. This ominous clown revels in making people’s lives miserable, and the pregnant victim is one great scream queen.

The film works in terms of delivering on the brutal horror, but there are a few weaknesses, including a totally pointless part where they keep jumping back to a guy taking a shit while singing “Old McDonald”. It added absolutely nothing to the movie.

The final battle between the over-the-top main girl didn’t do anything for me aside from making me giggle when the clown simply slaps her across the face. That was quite satisfying.

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Sea creatures, werewolves, and a killer kids’ show host

It’s October, and I just need more and more marathons of fun fright features. That is mostly what I got from this trio of films, which even includes some gay horror!

GODS OF THE DEEP (2024)

I often cover Charlie Steed’s indie horror flicks on my site, and this one is like his throwback to the days of Leviathan, Deep Star SixDeep Rising, and Aliens.

A scientific team is assembled for an aquatic expedition in a uniquely structured submarine that can go lower than any oceanic vessel ever has before. Their goal is to enter an opening in the seabed.

It’s all fairly basic, with the team trapped in the sub after they encounter a giant sea monster. It’s a cool, Cthulhu looking monster, even if the budget leads to it looking like someone wearing a costume who is not actually underwater.

More disappointing to me is that after the team gets a sample of the monster to take back with them, it’s totally forgotten. Like…isn’t the giant monster outside the sub you’re stuck in underwater the biggest threat?

Apparently not. They become focused on the sample and the tentacles that pop out of it. Very slowly, the tentacles seem to become parasites in people, but this movie really glosses over most of the horror elements, leaving us with a very underwhelming horror/sci-fi flick. However, the main guy is a cutie.

LORD OF WOLVES (2024)

Bohemian, sleazy, gay, trippy…this Charlie Steeds flick is like Rent on werewolf speed. It earns an honorary spot on the homo horror movies page, and although it’s hard to follow, I will definitely add it to my gay horror collection if it’s released on physical media.

There are four different stories going on here, and they don’t really merge until the last few minutes of the movie. We have a woman who learns she’s pregnant, and not by the man she’s with. There’s a gay guy who indulges in club life and sex. There’s his sister, who is somewhat of a junkie. And there’s a young photographer dude who has a close relationship with one of his teachers.

Slowly but surely, each main character gets drawn to a weird werewolf cult—actually, a wolfman who keeps two other wolfmen on chains like slaves and appears to reside in an abandoned church.

I’m honestly not sure if this underground werewolf clan is supposed to be real, but their presence seems to be triggered by people shooting up a drug with a syringe.

Seriously, I did not understand this movie at all aside from it being a commentary on people hitting rock bottom and then being led down the wrong path.

However, I really liked the grit of it, and I applaud Steeds for going hard with the gay sexuality stuff, from the main gay guy posing in skimpy undies (he gets a whole montage) to him having sex with other guys.

MR. CROCKET (2024)

This fun flick is a throwback not only to the supernatural specter movies of the early 2000s, like The Ring, Darkness Falls, and The Boogeyman, but it also reminds me of older flicks like Brainscan and Trick or Treat, in which a demonic entity comes out of a media format to prey on vulnerable kids.

While it’s loaded with campy horror, scares, and gore, the film is also a commentary on absentee fathers, single parenting, and the effects abuse has on children.

After the death of her husband, a mother struggles with her tween son acting out as he copes with his loss. The movie takes place in 1993, so it’s a little weird that she finds a VHS tape of a children’s show in a lending library—I’m pretty sure lending libraries were a product of the 21st century.

Anyway, the son becomes hooked on the show, hosted by “Mr. Crocket”, who, it turns out, is a supernatural being that escapes the television to take troubled kids back with him.

The mother’s acting when she is pushed too far by her rebelling son is fantastic, as is the writing of the scene. This outburst leads to Mr. Crocket coming for her son.

Now the mom has to track down other parents that have lost their children as well, and they all have to figure out a way to find their kids and vanquish Mr. Crocket. Their journey into his show is filled with over-the-top, cartoonish kids’ show monsters, which just adds to the fun.

There are also evil children, Mr. Crocket’s backstory is a goodie, and there’s even a good twist. I could see picking this one up for my collection if it ever hits physical media.

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A foursome of “house” movies from 1989

Made for Italian television and originally called The Houses of Doom (which is what the Blu-ray boxed set is called), these films were apparently shelved until the 90s. I’d never seen them until now, after buying the new boxed set. The only thing connecting the movies together is that they all concern people coming to the wrong house at the wrong time, which provides us with standalone horror movies in various subgenres. Cool. So which ones were my faves?

THE HOUSE OF CLOCKS (1989)


Lucio Fulci directed the first “installment”, and while it has flashes of classic Fulci gore, it definitely feels more like a TV movie than a hardcore horror flick. It also has a generally common plot—a group of thugs intends to rob a house, ends up murdering someone, and then finds out that this is no ordinary house.

We know right from the start that things are really fucked up in this house. An old couple that collects clocks lives there, and their murderous ways are presented before the thugs even arrive.

Meanwhile, the thugs are a trio of two guys and a girl, and one of the guys is a real douche. We are subjected to him sticking a cat in a plastic bag and then having to listen to it suffer. The most horrific part of the movie.

Once they arrive at the mansion, they soon kill the couple, at which point all the clocks in the house begin going in reverse. Nothing is really explained, and there’s not much in the way of scares, even though some corpses do come back to life. Plus, with only three main characters, there’s little in the way of a body count.

There is, however, an interesting premise to this time-jumping movie…the reversal of time serves as a launching pad for sweet revenge for literally everyone wronged in the movie. Too bad the supporting plot isn’t better. It’s really hard to believe this movie comes from Fulci.

THE SWEET HOUSE OF HORRORS (1989)


The second film is another Fulci flick, and he more than makes up for the disaster of the first movie. This is pure 80s Euro horror wackiness, right down to irritating, obnoxiously dubbed children. The boy even has an infamous bowl cut, a staple for boys in 80s Euro horror.

This is basically an evil kid movie. In the opening scene, a couple comes home and is brutally murdered by an intruder in an old school ski mask. This scene is filled with classic, super gory mutilation that isn’t something you’d see in a TV movie even today.

The couple’s kids end up orphaned, so their aunt and uncle come to stay in the house with them. The aunt and uncle also plan to sell the house to make money. They bring in a realtor who is immediately harmed by a supernatural presence and then spends the rest of the movie walking around with crutches, which makes for several slapstick scenes. Only thing is, I’m not sure if that is intentional or not.

Aside from one freaky scene of the aunt coming upon hanging dolls and a big fly toy that seems to come to life, which is quite creepy, this whole movie feels more like a horror comedy.

The children talk to flames that dance in the air, poltergeist winds cause havoc, and a killer excavator terrorizes the family in the gardens. I was seriously laughing during this scene.

Eventually the ghosts of the parents begin communicating with the kids and enter a couple of rocks so the kids can always carry them around. I’m not even kidding. To top it all off, the film mostly relies on that cheesy, fast-paced synth score style music of the 80s Euro horror era. This is how you do it.

THE HOUSE OF WITCHCRAFT (1989)

The third film is directed by Umberto Lenzi, who brought us Ghosthouse, Nightmare Beach, and Black Demons, and quite honestly, I like it better than both of Fulci’s installments.

It’s a killer witch slasher! Awesome!

A dude is plagued by nightmares of going into a house where he encounters an old hag boiling his head in a pot of water. He’s also struggling with the fact that his wife is obsessed with the occult and witches, so their relationship is rocky.

She suggests they take some time away together at a house in the country to try to save their marriage. He should have just called it quits the moment they get into a car accident on the way there and she insists they flee the scene…and the dead bodies.

As in most Euro horror flicks of the 80s, there ends up being the usual cast of quirky and creepy characters at the house…which turns out to be the house from the main guy’s dreams!

I was quickly so satisfied by this one, as characters began getting hacked and slashed by the evil witch. Of course, there’s some mystery embedded in the plot to keep us guessing if any of the weirdos is part of this witchy murder spree.

The witch is awesome, the kills are awesome, the setting is atmospheric, and there’s even a black cat. However, in the end, I kind of guessed early on how this one was going to turn out, and any horror veteran probably will, too.

THE HOUSE OF LOST SOULS (1989)


Umberto Lenzi is back for the final installment, and I definitely prefer his movies over Fulci’s flicks. This one is pure 80s Euro horror nonsense.

A woman with psychic powers is part of a group of environmentally conscious college students. While out doing some fieldwork, they end up at a motel with no guests and no staff beyond the manager.

The psychic begins having visions of axe murders that involve decapitation. In the meantime, everyone else is having weird experiences of their own: chandeliers that drip blood, spiders, dead bodies hanging in freezers, etc.

Slowly but surely everyone starts getting killed off by very tangible ghosts, including a little boy, an angry woman, a Hare Krishna dude, and more.

There’s some fun gore, including a killer washing machine and a killer dumbwaiter, and as the survivors try to stay alive, they are eventually chased by the bevy of ghosts that come across more like zombies and were all victims of decapitation. The only way to stop them? Find the heads of the dead to free their souls. Awesome.

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Influencers on the chopping block

It’s a trio of flicks in which influencers gather together in an isolated house to party, only to be targeted by masked killers.

#AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead (2024)


This simple, mean-spirited slasher comes from the director of The Collector movies. The cast of characters is despicable and the kills are brutal…in other words, sometimes murder is so satisfying.

A group of seven influencer friends rents an AirBnB to go to a music festival that was the site of unsolved murders several years before.

As this obnoxious, self-centered group begins to party, we get snippets of backstory about a friend they lost to an apparent suicide, played in a brief cameo by JoJo Siwa.

Slowly but surely, the friends begin disappearing, and each one is taken to be tortured and killed in a lair lit in dance club colors by a killer in a hoodie and an electronic mask that can display different images on the surface. Talk about rave to the grave.

The kills are brutal and gory, which is really what you have to run with here, and while I’m always up for death by dildo, it’s a very random weapon of choice in this particular film.

There’s not much in the way of scares or tension, although there are a few suspenseful moments that give us more than just the victims being captured and killed.

One of the most important elements to mention here is that there is a lesbian side story that at first seems to get buried rather quickly, but it does take on a much larger role late in the film as the group begins to learn the truth of why they are being targeted.

The final chaotic chase scene and battle to the death gets quite over-the-top with some funny moments as well, and there are plenty of twists that run straight through the end credits, so make sure to keep watching.

AMP HOUSE MASSACRE (2024)

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A group of the biggest, most obnoxious internet stars gets trapped in a house with a masked killer. Yeah. It’s a sign of the times that we’ve been bombarded by influencer horror over the last few years.

The film begins with one member of this clique dying at one of their parties. In honor of his memory, the others decide to gather in a large house and initiate a new, up-and-coming influencer into their group to fill the void.

Soon, the killing begins. Would you believe the killer wears a hoodie and an electronic mask that changes images?

However, this film differs from AMFAD in that the killer begins taunting the group to get them to turn against each other. The tension it causes is the highlight here, because the death scenes are pretty tame.

The kills come fast in the last half hour, and of course there’s a few twists along the way as the truth unfolds as to how their first friend died and who is now seeking revenge.

FOLLOWERS (2024)


This is actually a sequel to a film called Follower, which I haven’t seen. You don’t actually have to, because the movie, which only ran a little over an hour long, is recapped in the first fifteen minutes of the sequel. The first one looks like a bland movie in which three influencers go camping in the wilderness, get terrorized by a guy in a mask…and then all get away at the end! Yawn.

In this movie, which is essentially an hour long without the recap, it’s more than a year later. One of the girls has decided to get back into her influencer career by exploiting what they went through.

She invites the other two girls and their boyfriends for a New Year’s Eve gathering in a mansion in the middle of nowhere. That lands this one on the holiday horror page, but don’t expect any signs or celebration of the holiday at all.

This is a pretty simple and straightforward home invasion film about internet fame and angry white male incels jealous of not being the center of society’s attention anymore. This cultish group of guys who fancy themselves to be wolves, wearing furry masks and even growling when they go hunting victims, decides to crash the party and kill off the influencers and their boyfriends.

The action that unfolds is totally typical, the weapon of choice is most often a gun (yawn), and the twist is predictable. But I’ll give the film credit for feeling like a high-quality production rather than a low budget indie.

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