BOYS, BEARS & SCARES

This was a mixed bag of zombie types and zombie subgenres, and the satisfaction level for the hubby and I varied, but we definitely agreed on which ones worked for us and which ones didn’t. We also had an absolute fave of the bunch. Let’s get into them.

ZOMBEEZ (2023)

It’s like a killer bee movie with a zombee twist. It opens with a punk rockin’ “Zombeez” theme song that I totally want for my Halloween playlist. In fact, as much potential as the film itself had, the theme song proved to be my favorite part.

Director and co-writer Elesia Marie also stars as a coroner in a small town. When bees turn up dead in her father’s bee farm, and then people start turning up dead of bee bites, it seems pretty obvious what’s happening…but the likable characters don’t see it that way in this SyFy style movie that even makes a Sharknado reference.

I expected nothing more than the campy flying bee overlays on the screen, which totally fit the tone of the film. The problem is the excessive focus on the science of how to handle the zombeez, with way too much dry talk that kills the pacing and leaves the humorous moments few and far between. I could have told them what exactly was happening in minutes instead of hashing it out for ten minutes at a stretch.

The film is bogged down by discussions of how people are dying, why bees are attacking, why bees are eating meat, how they can be stopped, and why they are growing bigger. That particular plot element is the highlight here. There was so much cheesy opportunity to play up the big zombee concept, but it barely made any buzz.

Even the final battle, which is totally on par with the best of the worst of SyFy originals from back in the day, is not as thrilling as one would hope. The energy level is just too low throughout the movie.

I do have to point out the representation here, with several Black characters and even a janitor that gives off a gender queer vibe. My favorite is the deputy sheriff. He is yummy, with beard and booty for days.

GLOWZIES (2023)

Neon green zombies that radiate like glow sticks at a 1992 rave? I was so ready for it. This film has all the ingredients to be a blast, but for some reason, it never quite gels. There are several issues that hinder the fun.

First, while there are hints of quirky humor, it’s not enough to make this a memorable party flick. How do you not seize the chance to exploit the fun of glowing zombies? Also, while the characters are all likable, it never quite feels like they are working together or playing off each other. The sense of camaraderie needed to make this a midnight movie is sorely lacking. And finally, the “backstory” and main story both feel like they are meandering all over the place.

The highlight is absolutely the glowing zombies—or glowzies. They look wicked cool, and they turn other people into glowzies by projectile vomiting neon green slime all over their faces.

The focus is on a group of older male friends that experienced something while working in the town’s now abandoned, off-limits mill years before but can’t remember what it was. When aspiring young filmmakers pop into the local diner and announce they want to go make a documentary about the mill, the older men decide to tag along.

There’s plenty of glowzie action, and sprinkled between it are convoluted flashbacks as the older men begin regaining their memories of what happened in the past. As the group becomes trapped in an office with glowzies all around them, they discover the glowzies can be stopped in their tracks when music is played, most notably surfer rock.

Despite the lack of chemistry between the characters, the film keeps moving, but it then does the thing I loathe…it brings in the military. Ugh! The action takes off in a new direction in desert hills as we learn how the glowzies originated, and the main group once again finds themselves trapped by the glowzies, this time in the diner. The final battle is pretty basic, but we get to see the hunky chef from the diner fight glowzies after ripping off his shirt. Yahoo!

WORLD ENDS AT CAMP Z (2021)

If only this were the zombie outbreak at a summer camp movie it sounds like it will be. If only it were a fun zomcom as the title and poster art suggest. Instead, this is a serious movie about a camp being sold during a pandemic, a plot that is hurt by a messy script and slow pacing.

I’ll say for starters that the Canadian location shoot is beautiful—one of the highlights of a movie with an otherwise low budget presentation.

It begins with a dude coughing outside his car on the side of the road. There’s blood on the mouth mask he left in his car, and the radio is reporting about how to stay safe during the pandemic—all of it a haunting reminder of what we went through in reality several years ago. COVID is never mentioned, but the film definitely dips into the details that made the pandemic such a disaster, from conspiracy theories to non-believers endangering everyone.

Is the pandemic the reason for the zombie outbreak? Maybe. The cast members at the camp don’t seem to be too concerned though. We have a Native American man who is selling the place, the young man who works for him, and a young female lawyer that works for the new buyer. The trio spends a lot of time talking, and the owner tells a campfire story about the Wendigo, which turns out to be nothing more than a tale. It has no bearing on the rest of the movie.

Personally, I would have been more invested in the film if this hottie working at a convenience store had been one of the main characters. I’d even overlook the man bun.

The guy buying the place arrives with his friends, and they hang out and party. We also learn they plan to scope the land out for money-making resources, even though the Native American owner warns them the land is hallowed ground and not to be tampered with. Is that the cause of the outbreak? Not likely, because all they do is take a sample of water to test.

Eventually the group finds signs of a sacrificial ritual. Is that the reason for the outbreak? No idea at this point. My money is on the pandemic being the cause, which makes all the other possibilities mere distractions that add nothing to the plot other than making it drag.

56 minutes in, we finally get a zombie attack. The action picks up from there, the zombies look cool, and there’s even a brief character redemption moment, but it is all as paint-by-numbers as zombie movies get and is hampered by a major distraction. For some odd reason, the tone, film quality, and lighting start shifting drastically from shot to shot, and it happens throughout the final act when all the excitement finally kicks in. I’m not sure what the issue is, but it’s almost like they were using film and perhaps ran out of money and switched to video or digital.

THE CLEARING (2020)

This is what I’m talking about. Bringing zombie horror back to basics—single location, limited characters, relentless zombie suspense, no explanation for why this chaos has erupted.

Even better, virtually the whole movie is about this super hottie trapped inside a camper while zombies swarm him.

It starts off with the initial attack—he wakes up in the camper, goes outside, and a vicious horde assaults him.

Then we get some backstory. His wife insisted he take his daughter camping to work on their strained relationship.

There’s a bit of exploration of the tension between father and daughter, but eventually the focus is solely on him trying to survive in hopes of getting out of the camper to go find his missing daughter.

The zombies are fast and furious, there’s gore and action galore, loads of suspense, and did I mention…the leading man is a hottie? Props to the actor for all the strenuous physical work he did to bring realism to his predicament.