We have rooms…come stay for the knife…

When you check in At Granny’s House or the Hotel Inferno, are you in for a snorefest or a gorefest? Let’s take a look.

HOTEL INFERNO (2013)

Giulio De Santi of Adam Chaplin and Taeter City fame takes his nonstop gore to the first person realm with what quickly becomes a repetitive visual experience that I’d personally have more fun with if it were an actual FPS video game.

Although Hardcore Henry isn’t a horror movie, once you’ve seen that film, you’re pretty much ruined for any other valiant efforts at an FPS action splatterfest, which could explain why this one didn’t blow me away—although, it sure did blow away a load of heads.

There’s very little in the way of story here. A guy is sent to a hotel, hired to assassinate a couple in the room next to his with very specific instructions involving dissection. That makes for some kickass icky stuff to start off the horror.

It also launches the movie into classic De Santi freaks and mutilation madness, which pretty much never lets up except for the occasional phone call interruption from the boss man to carry the “story” through.

It’s as over the top and often cartoonish in its graphic depictions as the other De Santi films, so you’re either into this kind of fun or not.

Good news if you are is that there are apparently a load of sequels on the way.

AT GRANNY’S HOUSE (2015)

If you love movies about kids that come to visit granny, only to discover she’s a little “off” and something weird is going on in her creepy house…this isn’t one of those movies.

It’s a bizarre little film about an older lady who doesn’t want a caretaker but has one forced upon her. Pretty soon, the sweet young woman wins her over then convinces her to put an ad online to rent out one of her rooms to strangers.

And that’s when the sweet caretaker shows a whole different side of herself.

This isn’t really a slasher because the kills are few an they’re more like druggings. Plus, the plot thickens with granny and another dude getting involved in the caretaker’s shenanigans, so it’s more like a thriller.

Even horror king Bill Oberst Jr. makes an appearance as an investigator looking for a missing woman. At first I was kind of bummed that he wasn’t playing the kind of psycho he’s so good at, but within seconds I was like, “Damn, he pulls off the good guy bit without a hitch, too.”

He does it so flawlessly that I wanted to kill him myself while screaming, “Do you not see that these crazy bitches are going to swallow your soul for asking questions, you dumb shit???”

As the film winds down, it just…winds down. It is oddly anti-climactic. Not to mention, I kind of didn’t get the ending.