A demonologist, a detective, bears, a psychic medium, demons, witches, horny devils…
This campy gay web series is a little bit Angel, a little bit Charmed, and a little bit Where The Bears Are.
It’s sexy but not too sexy, so don’t expect more than bellies and bear boobs.
And perhaps some demon throating…
Watch the series on YouTube.
I’m working off my watchlists with no rhyme or reason at the moment as I desperately squeeze in anything I can to watch in between my new pups Romy and Michele pouncing on my head. So “Prime horrors” is the only theme I’ve got with these three very different films—a gory SyFy style creature feature, a horny teens horror, and a psycho stalker flick.
DIRE WOLF (2009)
Fred Olen Ray gives us your standard 2000s SyFy monster movie vibe with one exception—this shit rox the practical gore effects! That makes me wonder why he felt the need to use CGI blood splashes when there was already loads of fake blood flowing.
The cheesy setup is classic SyFy. A small town local sheriff played by a familiar face to those who were around like 4 decades ago (Maxwell Caulfield of Grease 2 this time) is on the case when a monster escapes a lab and terrorizes rednecks in the woods, forcing the sheriff to team up with special government agents to hunt it down.
The story doesn’t really even matter. Right from the start we see the werewolf-esque beast (costume, not CGI), which attacks relentlessly and makes people into shredded pork sandwiches. It’s all about the repetitive, super gory kills.
On hand is horror veteran Ian Patrick Williams and Gil Gerard of Buck Rogers fame (again, for those who were around like 4 decades ago). Not to mention, a character actually says “cotton pickin’ minute”.
7 DEADLY SINS (2019)
This silly little film feels like direct-to-DVD horror circa 2003. It’s a disjointed mess that pads the runtime with too many party montages before getting to the “let’s plays a spirit communication game” moment that triggers the horror.
No idea how the opening scene relates to the rest of the movie, but it is soon followed by a flashback featuring Tom Sizemore in a loony bin…another scene with little relevance to the rest of the movie.
We then meet a bunch of teens of mixed race, and despite the movie being directed by a black guy, wouldn’t you know it’s the black guy that gets arrested for drug possession. It only makes sense, therefore, that Eric Roberts shows up as the judge who sentences him.
Naturally the kids have to party and have sex once more before their buddy gets sent away for five years. It’s fun to watch how committed the young cast is to acting goofy and funny (to the point of annoying) through the various party scenes, but the fun wears off, because with so many skanks in thongs around the pool, it starts to feel like a crunk video…circa 2003.
Eventually a Mexican girl convinces the kids to play a spirit summoning game called Charlie, Charlie.
They break the rules. Everyone begins acting weird, seeing weird things, and doing weird things. It’s kind of like Night of the Demons without demons. Charlie Charlie does show up, but way too late in the game, and he looks like a kid who has been working in the coal mine.
And then…the blonde bimbo final girl suddenly gets all religious, praying to Jesus and shit. WTF?
And to make things even more confusing, a twist that makes no sense comes in at the end and brings with it about ten seconds of gore (finally) in flashback kills.
THE FANATIC (2019)
This movie is bashed on the Internet, but I found it ridiculously entertaining. When I see comments on the web like “watch The Fan with Wesley Snipes instead”, or “watch Misery instead”, that tells me the negative social media trolls (basically everyone at this point) just wanted a suspense thriller exactly like all the rest.
The whole point of The Fanatic, and what makes it better as it progresses, is that it’s not a predictable film. John Travolta goes for the Gilbert Grape vibe as a slightly off man obsessed with a movie star played by Devon Sawa of Final Destination, who has grown into quite a piece of beefcake in the past two decades.
As Sawa rejects Travolta’s “advances” (homoerotic undertones are undeniable), John becomes more and more agitated and violent, making us think we know exactly where this is going. It sort of does, but not quite. And as unpredictable as I just said the film is, maybe it is predictable after all, because at one point I turned to my hubba hubba and said, “Wouldn’t it be great if instead of the usual, the film went (spoiler omitted) way instead?”
My only issue with The Fanatic is that the build-up to the final confrontation is longer than the actual denouement, which is so deliciously brutal and loaded with surprises and horror references that it really should have been a much more substantial segment.
Fred Durst directed the film, which was inspired by an actual case of someone stalking him, and I personally think it so delightfully egotistical that he has Devon Sawa blast a Limp Bizkit song and rave about how cool it was listening to the band when he was younger. The only thing that could have made this scene any 90s meta better was if “Stan” by Eminem came on right after and Sawa totally dissed it.
Three years after a gay witch summoned Cupid with tragic results in my novel Scaring Up St. Ick and Arousing QPD, someone has at last made a Valentine’s Day horror flick about the little flying brat to add to my complete holiday horror page.
Although he’s not as cute as my vindictive gay Cupid, this creature is definitely my kind of love demon, and he does what we need him to do in this holiday horror flick; he tears into students on Valentine’s Day with not only his bow and arrow, but other iconic symbols of the holiday, like roses and love letters. The use of holiday cookie cutters is cool as well, but I’ve suddenly seen the same idea in at least two other movies I’ve blogged about in the last few years.
As a prelude to the good stuff, a generally unnecessary voiceover narrative gives us Cupid’s backstory as drawings appear on the pages of an old book. This goes on for about five minutes before we get to the first gruesome kill and a full Monty appearance of our winged killer.
Next we meet an Abigail Breslin clone who casts a spell to capture the heart of her hot teacher.
She’s hot for teacher, I’m hot for principal.
When the best bitch I’ve seen in a horror movie in years bullies the main girl right before the Valentine’s Day dance, the main girl does a revenge spell that goes horribly wrong.
Theoretically Cupid is everything you might want in a Valentine’s Day horror film.
But alas, the gory kills and gruesome looking creature can’t mask the fact that something is just off. The overall tone is flat, with every aspect of the movie falling short of the necessary energy to keep the pace and deliver the kind of horror excitement I crave.
The score is a lilting melody that lacks the urgency to build suspense. Sound effects don’t pack a wallop. The lighting, while dipping into the perfect horror hues, is visually stagnant, so it doesn’t provide the atmospheric shadows or contrasts between dark and light to help set the mood.
Aside from one guy giving me a giggle with his girlish screams, the actors’ reactions to the horrific situations aren’t amplified enough and the dialogue is downright weird at times. For instance, someone seriously says, “Who goes there?” I actually think this and a few other lines might be wink wink moments, because the students are studying Shakespeare in class. Even if that is the case, the possible in-jokes as well as occasional humorous lines just feel out of place, because this is not a horror comedy.
I’d say definitely check this one out for the holiday spirit and the bloody bits, but don’t expect Cupid to get your heart racing. It hits DVD and digital on February 11th from Uncork’d Entertainment, just in time for the holiday.
It’s so unfortunate that the zombie genre has been absolutely decimated by overkill. I miss the days (aka: the 1970s and 1980s) when living dead films were so rare that when a new one finally rolled around it was totally satisfying. Now we are bombarded by rehashes, remakes, reboots, rip-offs, desperate attempts at unique approaches, and trashy comedy spoofs. Sooooo…let’s get into the four I fought to get through this time.
Z: A ZOMBIE MUSICAL (2007)
Add this one to the list of zombie musicals that just don’t work for me. Within minutes I knew it was too much of a trashy, Troma-esque mess for my tastes…so I kept watching. What can I say? The theme was offensive enough for me to kind of appreciate the campy, raunchy silliness for a while.
After being bitten by a zombie dog, three naked, singing nuns are welcomed into Zomburbia, where there’s singing, dancing, sex, men in drag, lesbianism—the debauchery is delightful, and I appreciate that people are still willing to put their hearts into creating these types of low budget comedies.
However, these are also the types of films that I feel lose their edge quickly. They go on too long and go nowhere in the process. It’s just endless absurdity, forgettable spoof songs, and bad dance numbers. And in this case, a ridiculous take on the zombie genre.
While I can give the film credit for trying to capture the feel of trashy John Waters era films, just as I was thinking “at least they’re not resorting to fart humor”, the farts began to fly. If fart humor tickles your sphincter, then perhaps this is the level of film that’s right up your alley. For me, even a visit to a church with an S&M club in the basement and plenty of man wiener couldn’t fix the fact that this one grows stale before the halfway mark.
MY UNCLE JOHN IS A ZOMBIE (2016)
John Russo, writer of the original Night of the Living Dead, writes and co-directs this farce about Uncle John, a zombie that has regained his human faculties and is both a hero to the liberal left and a horror to the conservative right. It’s one of many reminders that Russo should have just spent the past fifty years riding the wave of his original masterpiece instead of trying to create anything new.
Very little of the comedy is funny in this thinly connected montage of scenes telling the story, from TV interviews to sponsorship ads Uncle John scores as he becomes the poster child for zombie rights. He is also targeted by red neck hunters, a woman who believes zombies are fakes, and an extremist reverend that thinks zombies are worse than gay people.
Even with all the unveiled attempts at social and political commentary, the takeaway for me was that Uncle John still has his sex drive—a joke the film keeps falling back on.
Tiffany Shepis cashes a paycheck as a news reporter, Lloyd Kaufman gets his stink on the film in a brief appearance with Toxie, and not surprisingly, there’s fart humor right after his appearance.
Why do terrible films like this keep getting made? I’ll just never understand it. And I’ll never understand why I actually have movies of this variety in my horror collection. I seriously think it’s time to clean horror house and get rid of all of them.
ZOMBIE WITH A SHOTGUN (2019)
The making of this film has been hyped on social media for so long I was looking forward to seeing the finished product. I even made it the film of choice for a movie night with the hubba hubba. I’m surprised he didn’t bail on me as he usually does when a film just doesn’t click, because this one wasn’t grabbing us.
Turns out this was originally a web series years ago before being turned into a full-length feature. I’m not sure if it was completely reshot or if perhaps the web series footage was just expanded upon, but the finished product feels like a pasted together web series both in quality and the disjointed jumps from scene to scene.
The first thing we see is the zombie with the shotgun, and it tells us a lot about what we’re getting. Instead of makeup effects, his face is clearly a prosthetic piece that looks more like a mask. Surprisingly, there’s one zombie later on that looks way freakier than him. EEK!
The movie jumps all over the place, going from present time with an infected guy and his girlfriend on the run from bounty hunters to confusing flashbacks focusing on their experiences with irrelevant characters. There’s even a random animated sequence near the end for no clear reason—it makes me think the funds ran out before all the live action scenes could be complete.
Despite the title immediately bringing to mind Hobo With A Shotgun, there’s nothing over-the-top or grindhouse here, nothing to make the characters relatable, and quite honestly, the title of the film is mostly just a title, because this simply is not a movie about a zombie running amok with a gun. The plot takes itself very seriously so there aren’t even any light moments to help us connect with the leads. There are some sequences with lone zombies, but they aren’t very compelling, the cause of the infection is unclear (it seems to be both a corporate conspiracy and witchcraft?), and when the film ended with no clarity and loads of loose ends, the “to be continued” message was the last thing I wanted to see.
I will give the film this. The main guy is cute, looks great in a tank top, and shows off his bare ass.
PLAN Z (2016)
The same man directs, writes, and stars in this film. While it is a competently made, bleak film about a man with a plan to survive the zombie apocalypse, for me personally it is simply a case of total zomburnout, especially when it comes to character study zombie films.
With The Walking Dead having deconstructed the concept to death, it seems pointless to try to find a new angle, but I’d say Plan Z goes for themes of a) good guys questioning the worth of being humanity’s heroes, and b) the devastating effects a zombie apocalypse has on relationships and families.
The main guy initially narrates as he outlines his plan to survive (sort of a serious Zombieland), then it’s flashback city again as more and more characters are introduced. After various trials and tribulations of fighting and escaping zombies (you’ve seen it all before), the film virtually shifts focus to other characters. By the end it seems the film is leaving us with a setup for a sequel…about a different protagonist!
While the acting is good, just note that the film uses every trick in the low budget zombie movie book to mask the fact that no money was spent in crafting any sort of living dead makeup effects. Which explains shots like this…
This is not exactly a top shelf selection of anthologies—but that’s okay, because I grew up in the 80s, when we horror whores would dig deep down in the bowels of the video store aisles for horror we hadn’t seen yet. Although I must confess that lately I have actually turned a few Prime selections off within minutes because I feel life is getting too short to waste blogging about films I can tell I won’t be able to bare (plus I have two new pups running me ragged). So for starters I can say that none of these films met that fate. But does that mean they were worth a watch? Let’s take a brief look at each.
URBAN FEARS (2019)
Not surprisingly, this low budget horror anthology seems inspired by 1980s horror, particularly the synth score.
The intro is sort of a wraparound, with a girl recording a live video on the Internet when she hears a noise and goes to investigate…
1st story: not the best way to keep your audience enthralled. There’s a staggering amount of time focused on a guy raiding and ransacking a house before he is finally chased by a guy in a mask with a knife.
2nd story: a young woman is terrorized by a creepy doll in total Trilogy of Terror style. However, this doll makes humorous comments.
.
3rd story: More like a wraparound conclusion than a totally new story, this is a chain reaction of appearances of baddies from the other stories.
It’s not the highest quality anthology and not particularly entertaining, but I appreciate its attention to cohesion.
SHEVENGE (2019)
It runs two hours long with twelve stories, so obviously the first thing I’ll say about this female themed anthology is that it’s too long—especially considering a few of the “stories” are more like art house clips that don’t do the flow of the film any favors and could have been cut entirely.
As for theme, I say cool…while many of the customer reviews on Amazon call it a film solely for man haters because it paints all men as rapists and cheaters. You have to wonder if horror fans that offended have been paying attention to the history of horror movies. First of all, the horror genre is infamous for being misogynistic, with women presented as sluts or cock teases that deserve to be raped, tortured, and mutilated after we first get to see them run around naked. And how bad can it be when the roles are reversed here considering there’s absolutely no exploitation of the nude male body? Wait. Maybe that means this really is a literal man-hating film…
Secondly, the film’s title is Shevenge, so obviously the females are going to need reasons to get revenge. Even so, I could see the repeated plot of men are shit and women must get revenge as a great opportunity for some diverse approaches that we don’t get. There could have been a lesbian getting revenge on her shitty girlfriend or her abusive father, or a story with a girl’s gay BFF helping her put the straight guy in her place (the possibilities are endless), or a trans female revenge tale. But you know that would make the same people complaining about the man-hating angle furious over having diversity forced down their throats.
But it is what it is, and here’s what it is. Ironically, the horror hostess is a woman in a kitchen. WTF? Is this supposed to be irony? As for the tales, here’s the breakdown:
1st story – a jilted woman’s anger builds as she talks to her male therapist.
2nd story – this tale of a woman who wishes the worst on a guy who posted their sex video online has a satisfying horror moment near the end.
3rd story – this is as basic and bland as a revenge tale of two girls meeting a jerk at a bar gets. To make it more interesting, there’s some animation thrown in.
4th story – a nonsensical black and white clip with flickering footage and voiceovers.
5th story – Some girls seek out a guy who got away with child rape, and what they decide to do to hide their own guilt after could have been expanded upon, because it’s an interesting concept that feels rushed.
6th story – another bland, straightforward tale of a woman getting revenge on a crazy dude.
7th story – a mother/daughter bonding tale.
8th story – an action story in which female assassins go after male assassins.
9th story – Things get monstrous when a dude dabbles in necro rape. This is like an old skool video nasty.
10th story – a very long phone convo between two women…and eventually, a witch.
11th story – a quickie with a twist about a woman telling her friend she was date raped. I feel this one had a good ending but then took things one step farther for no clear reason.
12th story – An unexpected Asian horror short. When a girl kills her abusive father her mother helps cover it up.
SPUNK’S NOT DEAD (2018)
Not sure what kept them from simply calling this one Spunk, but that would have been my choice for the title. Spunk is not what you think it is, although the film makes sure to create a parallel from start to finish.
Spunk is a drug…that’s white and gooey…that you take orally…by drinking it from a condom. The conservative personality spouting conspiracy theories about the drug in the wraparound just cements the idea that it’s all about a sexual fluid, considering conservative extremists are so sexaphobic (when they’re not sex trafficking, raping women and children, and having secret sexual relations with members of the same sex on the side…or while they’re busy promoting people who do all of the above for political positions).
Anyway, this drug is the common thread in all the stories as it makes those who take it a bit crazy. Here’s the breakdown:
1st tale – starting off unique with a laugh track (!?!?), this is about a babysitter who takes some spunk, dances to an 80s style song, and faces a horror in the baby’s crib.
2nd tale – a short, throwaway tale about a guy who buys some spunk while playing basketball in the park. The best part of this tale is the focus on him pouring it into his mouth from the condom and then savoring the stuff on his tongue.
3rd story – this is a nasty, gory one about a guy who does spunk with a prostitute. It feels like it would have been a perfect fit for Shevenge.
5th story – group of friends does a new strain of spunk that turns them into zombies. It’s a fun one.
6th story – the longest and most involved, this is the anchor of the whole anthology. A guy hooked on spunk is ambushed with an intervention. As he tries to sober up, he plays video games and is soon living in a horror video game. This isn’t your nephew’s Pixels!
You gotta love a trashy little anthology like this where you can tell the creators really put their heart into what they were making. Although the film is an anthology about…um…spunk, I feel like it may have been inspired by the 80s classic The Stuff.
MONSTER X (2017)
This 70-minute horror anthology is total popcorn film fun, with a wraparound that totally gets you in the mood. A guy and girl go to a movie theater for a horror film festival, and as they watch each feature the girl starts to see actual monsters in the theater.
The film includes four tales, with werewolves, vampires, a killer with an axe, zombies, and more.
1st tale – a woman is terrorized by a banshee in her house. This is a standard freaky supernatural female tale, and you can pretty much predict the timing of the scares, but it’s got a nice dark tone.
2nd tale – this one about a little girl who sneaks into an exclusive horror film festival was actually in another anthology I watched and blogged about (can’t remember which one), but here the wraparound ties into it perfectly.
3rd story – this cheating lover/revenge plot is short and gets right to the point…and it is like a classic Tales from the Crypt episode with some delicious twists.
4th story – the final story about a babysitter is a clever little twist on the “there are monsters in my room” plot.
I’d say this was my favorite of the bunch. Actually, I’d say the order in which I wrote about these films goes from my least favorite to the one I like the most.
Hunky horror director Matt Farnsworth’s 2011 film The Orphan Killer (my blog post here) is a vicious grindhouse slasher about a psychotic killer in a mask hunting down his sister, slaughtering people of faith along the way due to his horrible experience in a Catholic orphanage as a child.
While it took a while for the sequel to arrive, it shows, because clearly Farnsworth doesn’t rush out cheaply produced films. Part 2 is just as gruesome with great practical gore effects, but Farnsworth makes a brilliant move here; he doesn’t give us more of the same.
Picking things up a few years after the original, the sister thinks her brother is dead, but she’s wrong! The film wastes no time in being sleazy and gory as the brother makes his return, killing anyone who gets in his way.
This time Farnsworth shows a quirky, darkly comic side. The masked brother talks and delivers plenty of humorous lines. He also does the oddest ritual to turn his sister into an almost demonic killing machine to join forces with him.
Together they kidnap men for her to practice on. There are hot guys, some shirtless, and the pair giddily tortures, mutilates, and kills them, playfully calling each other baby brother and baby sister.
That is basically the whole plot, so it doesn’t need to run nearly two hours long. Even so, it definitely doesn’t get boring, and there are some unexpected surprises along the way, including what feels like a minor shift in horror subgenres for a moment. The siblings even end up at the site of the drag race in Grease (for you young gays, a drag race used to be when two guys raced cars on the street), but alas, the sister doesn’t get the urge to belt out “Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee (Reprise)”.
There’s a moment that feels like a natural end to the film, but then it kind of jumps the shark…and lands on a boat! Very odd, and without this veering off, the running time would have been better. However, here’s where I could see Farnsworth having a dilemma. There are also twenty minutes of deleted scenes, and personally there are scene in the final cut I would have left out in exchange for some of the deleted scenes that actually give us a bit more story development. But with 140 minutes of footage, I can see why Farnsworth opted to focus on the insanity from start to finish, sticking with the tone he was going for instead of delving into pesky plot points.
And finally, I just have to make note of something that happens in the film, and I’m not sure if it’s a conscious decision on Farnsworth’s part, but it goes to show how easy it is to avoid having an anti-gay moment in your film. At one point, the orphan killer is sneaking up on a guy jerking off at work, and when the jerk-off hears him he thinks it’s one of his male coworkers. I was all braced for the jerk-off to make some sort of derogatory gay comment towards who he thinks is his friend, because that is what most filmmakers have characters default to in circumstances like this, but it doesn’t happen here, serving as a perfect example of how easy it is to not be a homophobic prick when you make a movie.
What better way to kill time during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve than to indulge in loads of horror? Hopping from Netflix to Prime to cable, I dug up fear and fun with some of the selections in this round of five flicks from 2019.
DROPA (2019)
Dropa is the story of a future U.S. that has been taken over by Russians. Oh, wait. That’s present day U.S.
Anyway, the planet was also invaded by aliens that have been mostly eradicated. But now one is on the loose in human form, with tentacles that come out only when it needs to kill, and an former government assassin is on the case.
There are a few instances when we get to see the tentacles during the limited attacks, but Dropa is mostly a character study of both the assassin and the man/alien he’s following, complete with flashbacks of their pasts.
There’s also a lot of talk as the assassin investigates, to the point that I was just confused by all the exposition and couldn’t stay focused on the film.
THEY’RE INSIDE (2019)
I have to say, the opening scene of this found footage home invasion film is my favorite part. A guy is making a video when the masked intruders appear behind him. This quick and brutal scene is so effective because it doesn’t use any music cues to tell us how to feel about what is happening.
Then we meet a group of friends going to a cabin in the woods so two sisters can make a documentary film about their fucked up childhood. This is a heavy-handed plot and it’s quite clear things are not right between several of the characters, so I can’t say the twist is all that surprising.
Things don’t get good until one guy goes to confront whomever it is they can hear chopping wood at night. There are some brutal kills, but this is not a particularly suspenseful film. The best part of the exposition-heavy denouement for me was the full frontal male nudity.
SWEETHEART (2019)
With no explanation why, some people wash up on a deserted island, but only one girl survives. Although some ominous hints that she’s not alone keep us watching, if only she had a basketball, this would be as boring as a Tom Hanks movie…until she finally gets attacked by the creature she hears coming out of the water at night.
It’s an enjoyable creature feature from then on, with a combo of CGI creature and actual practical rubber monster freakiness. And of course it wouldn’t be any fun unless a couple more people washed up on to shore to give us a body count. Definitely a film that gets better as it progresses.
DOOM: ANNIHILATION (2019)
It’s amazing how movie studios will cling to a brand so much longer than fans—although I’m a huge hypocrite saying that considering how excited I was when this sequel to a movie from 14 years ago based on a video game that’s been around for about 25 years hit Netflix.
The plot is so generic it’s virtually a remake of the original movie. A military team explores a base that seems void of people—until zombie-like crazies start showing up in droves. And of course there’s a mad scientist with sinister motives to complicate matters…and bring more monsters.
I’m so there for this generic action crap.
While the movie takes way too long to get exciting, once it does it’s good old zombie and monster madness. The creatures are cool, the hero is a kick ass female this time, and the action is fast and furious. The goofy SyFy style of this one made it perfect for me and my hubby to watch together. Our only disappointment was that there was no cheesy first person video game segment as in the original movie.
BRIGHTBURN (2019)
YIKES! I was expecting a science fiction film my hubby would like more than I would when this one from the director of The Hive showed up on cable. Neither of us could have anticipated how scary, suspenseful, and viciously gory Brightburn would be.
Rather than the usual demon child most couples discover they’ve given birth to in horror movies, Elizabeth Banks and Jim’s bearish nemesis from The Office have a young teen son…that they found in a little pod in the woods when he was just a baby. Now, their beloved child is becoming a little terror.
In fact, the young boy discovers he has super powers, dons a mask, and then terrorizes and tears apart all the special people in his life in the small town in which he grew up. It’s chilling, perfectly acted, dark, horrific, and kept us riveted for 90 minutes.
It’s a gay horror movie and a holiday horror movie all in one, but the 2019 New Year’s Eve installment of Hulu’s Into The Dark series isn’t quite the next Hellbent.
Coming to us from the director of the gay supernatural film Jamie Marks is Dead and a horror movie I love to hate (The Ruins), and written by the director of the gay thriller Rift and a horror movie I love to love (Child Eater), slasher Midnight Kiss focuses on gay friends hanging in a house together for New Year’s Eve and being picked off by a killer in a leather pig mask.
While the film will probably enthrall gay fans clamoring for more gay horror films, for me personally the first kill is indicative of one of my main disappointments here; kills are scarce, and most of them are uninspired and flat. At this point in time, applying a checklist of slasher clichés to a bunch of gay guys and throwing in some nice asses along the way isn’t enough (but I’m going to do that right now).
The presentation needs to impress as well: visuals, style, intensity, music score, characterization, tone, atmosphere, etc. Unfortunately, much of this film feels like just another generic slasher that misses some golden opportunities. For instance, the killer glitter bombs the opening kill victim while either filming or photographing the act—which could have been a calling card that carried through all the kills.
Instead there’s a literal calling card that seems to show up just to let us know we’re in a horror movie—a sort of “I Know What You Did Last New Year’s Eve” foreshadowing.
With plenty of gay horror movies out there at this point, we don’t need to start at square one with the most basic elements, yet Midnight Kiss is loaded with mainstream gay clichés. They may seem novel to (and expected by) a straight audience drawn to this movie because it’s the latest installment of the mainstream Into the Dark series, but for gay viewers, it’s a bit redundant. The cast of characters is white, young, pretty, and bitchy, and the seemingly necessary evil of the token female friend tagging along gives us a splash of David DeCoteau to ensure the straight audience feels the pull of heteronormative structure. Screw that. In protest, I shall post a still of the film’s brief gay sex scene.
Also, the group’s conversations are as Gay 101 as it gets. The guys are shallow, they’ve screwed around with each other enough to cause tension and drama, they talk about all their hookups on Grindr, and they break in the new guy in their group by playing their annual “midnight kiss” game when they go to a club to ring in the New Year.
The club segment feels like something out of Queer as Folk from 20 years ago, which makes me wonder—are there still gay dance clubs with sex rooms? They all closed down in New York City about 15 years ago. Anyway, this big New Year’s Eve moment is fleeting, so this isn’t as much of a holiday horror flick as you may hope for—which is in keeping with the common letdown of most Into the Dark installments. Also, there’s no kill in the club! Yet…the killer makes an appearance on the dance floor for no discernible reason, and not one pretty boy in the bunch bats an eye. If someone in a leather pig mask walked through the crowd of shirtless gym bunnies at the Roxy back in the 1990s…eh, they wouldn’t even get that far because they would be turned away at the door.
While there are a few sightings of the killer and a few murders early on, things don’t kick into high gear until about 50 minutes in after the group returns to the house. The fun begins with the most provocative and sexy death scene in the entire film. Shot with a crotch writhing in the forefront, it’s the kind of unique presentation that makes my horror senses tingle, but no other scene quite lives up to it.
Overall, it’s a mixed sack…I mean, bag. There are some good chase scenes and cat and mouse action, but there are also limited body reveals (due to the limited kills), and a lone jump scare that’s too perfectly timed to actually scare veteran horror fans. Red herring practically squirt in our eyes throughout the film, but there are some nice twists…yet they tend to be easy to guess before they’re revealed. The cast of characters is limited in variation, and most of them not likeable enough (my faves being the main guy and the girl, who gave me major Jessica Jones vibes). The killer motivation definitely speaks to a fairly universal issue that many gay men experience, but if that were reason enough to make someone a killer, most of us would be running around hacking up pretty boys.
Overall, Midnight Kiss is missing that special something that makes me watch certain slashers over and over again. It’s not even quite compelling or entertaining enough for me to get the urge to see it a second time.
Even so, there are a couple of bonuses for me. First, one couple decides they’re a perfect fit because their zodiac signs are totally compatible…and they happen to be the same signs as my hubby’s and mine! Second, other films should take note of how easy this film makes it to read on screen texts characters are sending and receiving, a major plus for blind bitches like me.
I can always count on Prime to for indie flix I’ve heard nothing about, and this time a total of five movies offered me a whole load of subgenres. So here goes.
BLACK HOLLER (2017)
This supernatural slasher comedy is about a black woman who enrolls in a class with a bunch of white trash in 1989 just in time to go on a field trip into the woods. The use of rock music right from the opening credits makes it clear this isn’t exactly an urban horror film…and it really is overwhelmingly monopolized by white trash and bad humor. I mean, as soon as shitting and farting sounds are introduced, you know you’re dealing with the most primitive, overused adolescent gags there are to try to get a laugh.
Once the students set up camp, one girl goes to a cemetery in hopes of resurrecting her dead cat.
There are some nods to the killer tree branches from Evil Dead (awesome), but the part that really rules could easily have been in a better, serious horror movie. An underwater scene in the lake is so eerily executed it’s astonishing it’s part of the same film that felt the need for fart humor.
Unfortunately, nothing seems to tie together here, so eventually the campers are being chased and slain by a psycho killer.
It is up to the main girl to battle the killer and get all the white trash out of the woods safely…with the help of her fabulous gay best friend and his partner.
It’s trashy for sure, but aside from the unnecessary fart humor, it’s still more watchable and enjoyable than a Troma film and delivers some satisfying backwoods horror elements.
SACRIFICIAL (2018)
I was really feeling the Race With The Devil vibe of this film at first, combined with a little social message about the vulnerability of the homeless.
In the Everglades, a pretty bartender lures a cute patron to a sort of voodoo rave, where she drugs him up to release his inhibitions. But his senses return when he witnesses a sacrifice and runs for the hills…or the swamps in this case. However, the low budget doesn’t lend itself to this being an actual freaky voodoo cult in the swamps movie.
Instead, it turns into a low budget cat and mouse between the cult, the main guy, and the reporter he asks to help him prove the cult exists. For instance, there’s a boat chase scene that feels more like Hawaii Five-0 than a horror film.
Meanwhile, a young woman infiltrates the cult to expose it, which could have really amped up the horror and suspense had it been the focus, but instead the film is heavy on investigation and talk.
Eventually the guys enlists the help of homeless vets, which leads to a cheesy battle that reminds us this is definitely a low budget indie. The film even closes with a Real Housewives update of what’s become of each character since the show ended…
The rave scene is my favorite part, simply because it’s such a frightening reminder of how easily people can be lured into horrific situations by seemingly normal people who are actually crazy cult members.
FANG (2018)
Fang is the kind of silly fun horror I need in this age of horror fans tearing each other apart over arguments about whether or not horror is always political or always should be. YAWN.
Two desperate couples make some bad decisions…including visiting a long lost aunt’s house in the middle of nowhere. Things are as classic weird as ever at auntie’s house.
She’s a campy, witchy freak, her butler guy seems to be sending the group warnings, and no one is allowed to leave the house at night.
Good old-fashioned makeup and blood fill the screen once the group makes a shocking discovery in the basement and a werewolf comes out to play. And of course other characters are brought in to stop the madness…or become victims of it.
Sure it’s low budget, but it’s simple old skool fun without any political messages. Or could smart people deconstruct it as perhaps a commentary on the politics of family?
KILLER KATE! (2018)
Killer Kate! is a mash-up of subgenres that has some entertaining segments but ultimately suffers from uneven tone and some pacing issues.
The film takes place on Halloween but has absolutely no reason to and in no way celebrates the season. The main girl mentions hating Halloween right before agreeing to spend the holiday weekend at a house in the woods for her estranged sister’s bachelorette party.
First there’s the boring segment getting to know the stereotypes of each girl as they chat and bitch. I could have been slightly more interested if at least one of them had brought a pumpkin to carve.
Then suddenly the film becomes a fast-paced home invasion comedy as Tiffany Shepis and family come to bash in some heads with Negan’s bat, which they call Kate. So disappointing how brief this awesome section is.
Following that we go into the sisters’ heart-to-heart we dreaded but knew was coming.
And finally, the girls take on the killers. At least the tone of the horror comedy segment returns for the finale. I just think the film could have prolonged the home invasion section to exploit its strength.
JACKSON (2019)
This little indie film takes the tropes of modern ghost and paranormal investigation movies and wraps them around a rather tragic story about the relationship between a man and his son due to the fact that the mother died in childbirth.
The film first focuses on when the boy is young and his father discovers he can see dead people. Yes, it feels very much like The Sixth Sense, with scary dead people jumping out at the boy, but it’s relentless. Perhaps the filmmaker didn’t want the drama to outweigh the horror so as not to disappoint viewers, but as effective as the jump scares are, it does become overkill.
We then shift to the son’s adult life. The relationship has worsened, with the father being quite awful to him while using his power to see dead people for personal gain.
The man playing the father is quite good and the film becomes about him facing his faults and the pain he has put his family through in an effort to cope with his own grief. It’s quite sad actually, and even better, it plays out during a barrage of ghost sightings.
Again, the jump scares are presented quite nicely, but also excessively. Even so, if you enjoy a deeper plot with your jump scares and appreciate dedication and commitment in an indie film, you might want to check this one out.
While Hanukkah isn’t reaching my mailbox until February and Black Christmas remake number 2 is the mainstream movie that everyone is beating to death, I take a look at a whole load of December horror choices to add to the complete holiday horror page. So let’s see which ones deliver the fear and festivities we all asked for this season, beginning with a few short films to warm you up for your holiday horrorthon.
SCARY LITTLE FUCKERS (2015)
This 23-minute film is a spoof of the “is it or isn’t it Christmas horror film” classic Gremlins, with 80s style horror music and lighting, plus references to films such as E.T. and A Christmas Story.
An alcoholic dad buys a couple of creepy critters from a curio shop for his son for Christmas. One rule: never put them in the same cage together.
What does the son’s female friend convince him to do in between her flirtations with his dad? Put them in a cage together to screw, of course. Fricking’ Eve complex.
Silly comedy and kills ensue as the small cast carries the humor while fighting off little goofy creature puppets that are more reminiscent of Critters than Gremlins.
SUGARPLUM (2017)
Sugarplum runs about 45 minutes long, is broken into “chapters”, and uses an odd narrative structure to tell a horror tale of the Sugarplum fairy and her connection to both Santa and Krampus.
A rock version of Christmas music, a quote from Christmas Vacation, and a storybook rhyme introduction set the tone before two buddies purchase a creepy figurine at a store then accidentally release a sugarplum demon!
It sounds like a setup for a Christmas slasher, however, Sugarplum is not after blood and guts. She wants soul food! But just be warned—we don’t get to see the creepy cool bitch until the end of the film. She’s just POV until then.
In between Sugarplum’s soul searching, there are disjointed chapters—one has a guy narrating the backstory of Krampus, Santa, and Sugarplum as pencil drawings appear on screen, and another super brief, pointless chapter has guys hunting Sugarplum in the woods.
Even though Sugarplum doesn’t mutilate teens, the film has a certain holiday horror charm, from the eerie colors of the Christmas lights that are like something right out of a 1980s horror flick to the final chapter when Sugarplum is revealed…along with another Christmas icon.
I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY (2017)
Horror cutie Damian Maffei (Christmas With The Dead) has a small role in this post-apocalyptic Christmas horror film, which focuses on what becomes of his wife and son in a bomb shelter after he goes out for supplies and doesn’t return.
The film runs only 70 minutes long, but it really could have been condensed into a 30-minute short in an anthology. It deals only with the mother trying to cope with being alone with her son, eventually using the celebration of Christmas as therapy for both of them.
We don’t know what exactly led to the apocalypse. We don’t see any infected/zombies during the course of the film.
The only real horror and hints of what happened come when the mom goes out alone looking for supplies, plus the final few minutes, which would be much more of a Christmas horror zinger if the film had been shorter and actually building to this conclusion. The final frame reminds me of the exclamation point on a famous Christmas horror short from a classic anthology that I can’t mention without giving away the ending of this film.
DARKEST NIGHT (2012)
Before I even talk about the horror of this one, let me get out of the way that although it’s about a family gathering for Christmas at a house in the mountains, there are absolutely no Christmas decorations and the holiday is only mentioned perhaps twice. What I at first thought was at least some garland I later concluded was probably just generic decor…
As for the horror, this is one of the most disjointed, badly lit and shot found footage films I’ve ever seen. Imagine watching a VHS bootleg of a grainy, low budget 1970s film that used only candles as a light source, so mostly everything on screen is lost in darkness while what little can be seen is saturated in one tint, and you’ll get the picture (that you can’t see).
As far as I can tell, a family is plunged into some sort of demonic plane of existence after they find signs of occult rituals in the woods.
Although some of the creepiest visuals come and go and are never revisited, I probably would have actually enjoyed the mishmosh of horrors being thrown at us if I could have seen any of it. Here’s an example of two freaky scenes.
This one has a woman giving birth to some sort of creature baby. Can you see it?
And this is a guy they find stuffed in a box with his arms and legs missing.
The clearest horror footage shows up on their television (not that I understand why).
It all comes down to issues about family and marriage, but it’s too chaotic to make much sense of. There are some truly haunting moments here that remind me of the weirdness of Euro horror. That makes me wish this had been made as a standard third person POV film rather than structured using the pretty nonsensical circumstances under which it is presented as found footage here.
INTO THE DARK: A NASTY PIECE OF WORK (2019)
Considering this film takes place in the mansion of a rich businessman during a holiday party, the Christmas decor is wonderful. However, this isn’t so much horror as it is a mean-spirited, dark dramedy in which the rich businessman pits competing employees against each other in a battle to the death.
Julian Sands is the boss.
The female side of Herman’s Head is his wife.
The two men competing for the job bring their ladies with them, and virtually everyone is a bad caricature.
Shit starts getting real when the couple hosting meets with the guests alone and jealousy mounts. Dirty secrets are revealed, nothing is as it seems, and chaotic violence erupts.
The brutality is served with a side of quirky, sarcastic humor, and there’s some good gore, but there’s also a lot of talking between the action. I’d say it’s fairly entertaining if you’re in the mood, just don’t go into it looking for a Christmas horror movie.
I TRAPPED THE DEVIL (2019)
Horror king AJ Bowen stars in this psychological horror film that takes place in a house all decorated for Christmas, although the film isn’t specifically about the holiday.
What would you do if you popped in to visit someone you love and they told you they had the devil locked in their basement?
AJ and wife drop in and surprise his brother for the holidays. But something is up. The television is on and acting all The Ring, and the brother has someone locked in a room in the basement that he claims is the devil.
It’s such a great premise and establishes an ominous tone, which is helped by the fact that the locked basement door is drenched in red light.
But as the couple fails to act in any way you think they would upon coming into this situation (like calling the police), you begin to wonder if the brother is actually mentally ill and they know it.
The minimal hints offered as to what is going on aren’t enough to clarify anything, and the creepy moments put us into single-minded focus…we want to know what’s behind the door. Don’t expect it to make sense when we finally do at the last second. However, the reveal and clues that never pan out did leave me with the chance to imagine plenty of solid plots that could have been in what instead is a head-scratcher.
AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS (2018)
This is a festive tale of a very dysfunctional family that becomes trapped at home for the holidays when a weird black substance completely covers the house.
Quite intriguing and creepy, the film sees the family receiving messages on their television screen with instructions on how to survive their quarantine. But would you immediately trust the orders if you were supposed to do things like inject yourself with a hypodermic that came down the chimney and landed in the fireplace?
That question becomes the conflict between the family members, however, their hateful relationships before they even start brutally turning on each other make this one hard to get through. They are all miserable fucking people who are just awful to each other. I think it would have delivered more of a punch if they were enjoying a splendid Christmas together before the horrific circumstances turned them against each other.
But I can forgive because the guys are cute, and the final act delivers some kick ass horror as we get to finally see what is playing them like puppets, even if its origin is not quite explained.
UGLY SWEATER PARTY (2018)
While the title doesn’t want to commit to it, this is an ugly CHRISTMAS sweater movie. There’s some truth to the title’s omission, because virtually the entire film takes place at a “Jesus camp”, with everyone running around in shorts in sunny woods. Part of me is okay with that aspect…
Ugly Sweater Party is a campy, wacky film with a bevy of indie horror names. It might not be for everyone, but it’s a bit of a messy good time with some funny adolescent humor and plenty of blood. I’m just disappointed in the lack of Christmas spirit.
After a gory, yet comic opener featuring indie horror daddy Brad Potts and Roach from The People Under the Stairs, we get right into the trashy tone, with the director and star of 2 Jennifer shaving his pubes while his buddy is doing a Christmas strip tease.
Then they head to an ugly sweater party. Turns out one of the sweaters they score is possessed, and pretty soon the person wearing it starts killing off all the God lovers at a Jesus camp. Sounds like my kind of Christmas. Among the Jesus crazies is Felissa Rose, who gets a good reminder of the body part that made her famous and scarred many Gen Xers for life.
Horror hunk Marv Blauvelt has a gay shower fantasy in which he flashes an adorable smile you would swear is inspired by Ralphie from A Christmas Story.
There are heavy metal performances, Satanism, a demon, laser guns, and a disgusting (in a fun way) scene involving a guy’s genitals.
One of the highlights for me (aside from the hot guys and gay stuff) is the awesome new wave novelty theme song that I would totally play on my Future Flashbacks show if I could score a copy. And of course, this funky film scores a place on my die, gay guy, die! page and my stud stalking page.
KILLER CHRISTMAS (2017)
It’s a little bit of a red flag when the description for a movie starts with “A slow-burn Christmas horror…”. Slow-burners are usually unapologetic, but this feels like it’s warning you that nothing much happens for the first 45 minutes but to give it a chance anyway.
I’m not disappointed that I gave it a chance. It’s a well-made film in the style of classic slashers. A group of friends goes to cut down a tree in the mountains.
The creepy guy that works there warns them to stay away from the abandoned hotel nearby.
So naturally they go to explore the abandoned hotel, where they are hunted down and killed by someone in a Santa mask.
The odd thing about Killer Christmas is that the acting improves when the horror kicks in halfway through and it’s time to act scared. The cast seems to flounder with the unnecessary dialogue while they are exploring the abandoned building before the good stuff.
The atmosphere, the dark lighting, and the dreary set are perfect for a horror movie, as are the camera angles and the score, which features children singing a Christmas carol and horror movie music played simultaneously. But there could have been some terror teases to keep us on edge during the exploration, which in itself isn’t enough to build the tension.
However, once the person in the killer stars attacking, we get a good old-fashioned slasher. Sure, it’s as typical as they come and there isn’t much in the way of blood, but it’s a new one for the holidays and does what it intends to do quite well, with chase scenes, some tragic decisions by characters, and a few surprises before all is said and done. You also might be left with a few questions, but just let it go and enjoy the seasonal slashing.
