Messing with the minds of men

It’s a trio of films in which we get a main guy who feels like he’s losing touch with reality. So, did any of them make my spine tingle? I mean the movies not the men, although, all three guys were pretty cute.

THE TWIN (2024)

Watching this particular entry in the trauma porn subgenre (as I like to call it), I was initially reminded that with novels like Pet Sematary, Stephen King has been doing trauma horror for so long in a way that the current decade of trauma dump overkill rarely does. In King stories, the trauma is there, but the horror isn’t merely a metaphor for the horror. The trauma is what leaves the characters vulnerable to the trappings of actual horror, like the urge to bury your deceased child in a cemetery that brings the dead back to life, only…they don’t come back the same.

There are perhaps five minutes near the end of The Twin that make it seem like there might indeed be a demon “twin”, but this is mostly a movie in which mental illness and grief trigger a character to see things that aren’t really there. And even worse, the therapist in the movie refers to the conjuring of these delusions with the term “fetch”. No, seriously. This movie tries to make fetch happen, and I couldn’t get past it. And I couldn’t even figure out if the therapist was using fetch as a noun, adjective, or verb. Were the monsters “fetches”, were they very fetch monsters, or was the main guy “fetching” the monsters? No idea.

So, our main guy is home with his young son when tragedy occurs, causing him to spiral downward. For his own good, his wife sends him off to live in his dead grandmother’s house (where he already experienced trauma in his childhood!) under the watchful eye of a therapist.

What unfolds is a whole lot of horror imagery. Meaning…the demonic doppelgänger and corpse grandmother the main guy keeps seeing are never really going to hurt him. Cue loads of bogus jump scares. Sigh.

It’s in the final act that the wife and therapist seem to temporarily face off against the doppelgänger that has been terrorizing the husband. That battle doesn’t last long before it’s back to symbolic schizophrenia as the husband is forced to confront his frightful feelings while in a hypnotic state. It’s really nothing we haven’t seen before, although the fetches he fetches were pretty fetch. Fuck it. I’m going to make fetch happen.

THE DARK ROOM (2023)

Sometimes, I can’t figure out what exactly filmmakers were attempting with the scripts they use, and this is one of those cases.

To start things off, the movie opens with one of the final moments showing the main guy being stabbed by the masked killer. Why? WHY? Why show such a spoiler scene first? Especially since the very next scene after the credits shows another victim being stabbed! That could have been the opener if they were so intent on grabbing us with a kill scene.

The film is moody, somber, and slow, with a grindhouse filter to set a tone that the film never quite lives up to.

The main guy works in a photo development shop. He’s bipolar. He has video call meetings with his therapist, played by 80s movie queen Diane Franklin. He has uninteresting conversations with customers. He becomes obsessed with a series of killings happening around town. He gets weird calls from a female. And he has awkward interactions with a reverend who comes into the shop.

While this seems to be trying to play out as a mystery, there are only three characters shady enough to possibly be suspects—the reverend, the woman caller, and the main guy. Considering the main guy is stabbed by the killer in the preview scene at the beginning, that leaves two possibilities. Sigh.

Nothing compelling happens here to keep us riveted. There are occasional kills of redneck dudes every now and then in the first part of the film, but the kills completely stop for the second half. The main guy researches Native American legend and lore, but Native Americans don’t play any crucial role in the movie. The main guy eventually turns his attention to the reverend, who seems totally off. This movie is nothing if not predictable.

There’s all this promise of horror angles—the main guy has sleep paralysis, sees shadow people, acquires a protective amulet, spies on a ritual involving a statue—but in the end, this is seriously just a movie about someone in a mask killing people. Really underwhelming.

BENEATH THE LIGHT (2024)

Yowsah. The main guy in this one has a bangin’ bod, so I’m not bummed by the opening being a scene from later in the movie that briefly shows his eventual encounter with the supernatural as well as his shirtless physique.

This is more trauma-based horror, this time in the form of a haunting. It’s a slow burn about a guy who takes a job working at a lighthouse because he has vague memories of playing with the owner’s daughter when he was a child.

The cast consists mostly of just the main guy, the guy that owns the lighthouse, and a young waitress from the mainland that the main guy befriends.

The owner seems really shady, and as soon as the main guy starts working in the lighthouse, he is plagued with disturbing visions of something happening to the young girl from his past.

As he spends plenty of time shirtless and creeping around the house at night, he experiences spooky situations, but it all feels like some sort of repressed memory plaguing him rather than an actual haunting. Don’t expect to be all that frightened by what unfolds.

There’s more of a mystery aspect to it, so you end up just watching to learn what really happened to the owner’s daughter. And, you know, for more of this…

It’s ultimately not a very thrilling film, but there is a clever twist involving misremembered memories, which is about the juiciest element of the whole movie.

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CAUGHT ON CAMERA: ghosts, demons, killers, and the boogeyman

It’s a variety of plots involving people that want to be seen on camera getting offed on camera. How I wish it was as fun as it sounds…

THE HAUNTING AT JACK THE RIPPER’S HOUSE (2025)

This one is about capturing live footage of ghosts, but it’s mostly not in first person POV. The focus switches to that only occasionally.

There is so much filler here that they should have just made it like 70 minutes long instead of 85 minutes long to tighten the pacing.

The opening has a straight couple exploring a house and then getting dragged away and killed, with no obvious sign of who or what did it. That pretty much describes the whole film.

We then meet a group of YouTube ghost hunters. Viewers think they are fakes, so they want to prove they aren’t.

We then get a short sequence of them exploring a haunted abbey that shows us that they are indeed fakes.

We next learn that they plan to go to Jack the Ripper’s house. Considering it’s never been proven who he actually was, how did they pull off finding his house? Apparently that question is answered by a news clip saying new evidence shows the most obvious identity of who he was. Sigh.

Then we cut to four years ago for a short clip of how the two main guys started the ghost hunting channel. Then we cut to two years ago for a short clip of the team filming another fake scare. None of this is necessary. Seriously.

Next, the two guys who found the team fight, and one quits. Then the others are interviewed about going to Jack the Ripper’s house. Then they film themselves talking to fans on livestream while driving to the place.

Once they arrive, the caretaker dude that lets them in is a perfect parody of the classic crazy dude who gives the ominous warning.

The usual exploration and bogus scares begin, the group uses a Ouija board, shit gets weird, and I laughed when a ghostly voice said, “Get out!”

With 25 minutes left, team members begin getting possession eyes, someone in a top hat with a sack hiding their identity begins killing everyone, another killer in a black mask shows up, we get one killer reveal and motivation, the other killer is not revealed, I don’t know why people were getting possessed or why one of the killers would kill them after they did…yeah, this movie made no sense. And to top it all off, it ends abruptly while in the middle of a scene that really could have gone somewhere.

FOUND FOOTAGE: THE MAKING OF THE PATTERSON PROJECT (2025)

I don’t care if it’s found footage or a horror comedy. If you’re going to make a 90-minute horror movie, dedicate at least the last 30 minutes to horror-focused thrills, not just 3 minutes near the end, which is all you get here. And for a horror “comedy” that is trying to be slyly humorous, this one simply is not funny.

It’s supposed to be about the hurdles of aspiring filmmakers trying to make a found footage movie. I’d say the real story here is about a hurdle the makers of this film never got over…making a horror comedy that works.

Anyway, we are introduced to all the main players on the film crew one by one as they are interviewed. Then we watch them meet with movie biz people in an effort to get funding. Then they hold auditions. Then they explore the house in the woods where they are shooting their Bigfoot film. Then they rehearse and start to experience a variety of hiccups.

None of it is interesting or funny, even though that appears to be the intention.

The funniest part is when they dress one of the guys up as the late Alan Rickman because they told an old lady investor that he’s in the movie, and she’s coming to visit the set.

That is when we get a big sign that this movie isn’t about a film crew that’s making a Bigfoot movie encountering an actual Bigfoot. Nope. It’s about demonic possession.

Suddenly, 78 minutes into the movie, the demonic shit hits the fan for three minutes, like Evil Dead on speed. Okay. Evil Dead on even more speed. To think they could pull off such a great segment and didn’t embellish on it is a shame, and it simply isn’t enough to make this film worth sitting through.

EVIDENCE OF THE BOOGEYMAN (2025)

This is another formulaic flick that goes nowhere, and it barely uses its boogeyman.

A film crew of four goes to a haunted cabin in the woods to learn more about a legend of “the boogeyman”. We also get some unnecessary commentary sprinkled throughout the film from a few experts on the subject.

I immediately had to turn on subtitles, because the sound mixing is not good, so it’s hard to hear what is being said throughout the movie whenever characters have “whispery” conversations.

The group doesn’t do much of anything for a majority of this movie. They explore the cabin, they perform a magical ritual in the woods that spooks one of them, and one guy even gets the lone girl in the group to start having POV sex (found footage fucking?), at which point the boogeyman makes a fleeting appearance—perhaps the best moment in the movie.

Slowly but surely, the characters begin disappearing into the woods until there’s only one guy left. He sees all the others walking towards him like they’re under some sort of spell, runs into the boogeyman…camera cut. The end. This was the third miss in the bunch for me.

HOUSE OF ROOMS (2023)

This one feels like a SyFy movie circa 2005, and I was so there for a retro vibe that brought me back to a more hopeful time (yes, now that era feels like better times…).

I liked the look, the cast, the concept, the campy tone, the cheesy effects…and yet, the movie just wasn’t exciting.

The opening has a night janitor seeing a bad CGI ghost girl before getting chloroformed and locked in a coffin.

Next, we meet a devious TV producer who needs a hit show. He plans to draw together all types of people—different races, gender identities, sexualities, political leanings, etc. Yet it’s virtually all white people with no clear expression of gender or sexuality. Some of them have accents, so I guess that’s the diversity.

The group is put in one room in a dark building, and they get sent out separately to complete search and find challenges. Sounds like it could set up some pretty good scenarios, right? Nope. It’s just bland, bland, bland exploration with offscreen disappearances.

There are some confessional clips, the contestants bicker, they become concerned people might actually be getting killed, the producers watch gleefully from monitors from another room…

Special glasses come into play that allow you to see ghosts, but don’t expect to experience anything on the level of the 13 Ghosts remake. There’s also a film strip they view of people being experimented on, yet it still doesn’t bring any grit or gore to this horror-lite flick.

Eventually, we learn the identity of the actual killer, and there are some chase scenes, but the killer starts using a gun! Yawn.

The best part is when the ghosts finally do something exciting…they turn against the killer. And just when you think it’s over, there is a trippy twist in the final scene.

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Slashing and savoring

It’s a trio of indie flicks with cannibals, masked killers, and even some signs of the supernatural. As a bonus, we get a final gay!

THE BOATYARD (2025)

This is as paint by numbers as a cannibalistic crazies movie gets, with absolutely no genuine horror thrills to be had. However, the film stands out for two reasons. First, horror daddy Mike Ferguson has a blast playing a psycho.

Second, we get a Black final gay guy, which lands this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

A group of friends goes out on a boat. They party for a while, complete with some girl-on-girl action. Not that the girls have much choice since there’s only one straight guy and one gay guy with them. The boat dies. The group calls for help.

Mike Ferguson comes to their rescue and takes them to…an island? His hotel in the middle of nowhere? I’m not sure, but wherever it is, there is absolutely no one else around beyond the friends, Ferguson, and the creepy man and woman that run an empty bar next to wherever it is that Ferguson sets the friends up with rooms.

After another partying montage, the friends retire for the night. Once alone, the gay guy is all ready to jerk off when he thinks he hears someone in his room.

And then, the friends begin getting abducted one by one. They are thrown in prison cells. Some are killed. Some are eaten. Some fight back.

The gay guy eventually runs into another gay dude who seems to come out of nowhere and offers to help him save his friends. But first…

There’s some gore and violence, but we don’t get any kind of suspense, tension, or atmosphere. Even the music disappoints, sounding like the kind of dramatic action music you hear during the cutscenes in a Resident Evil video game. I would know since I just finished revisiting RE3 the other day.

There is a reason for the killings (it’s one you’ve heard many times before), plus we get a hokey ending that sets things up for a sequel.

THE JOLLY MONKEY (2025)

I found this one to be highly entertaining as far as cheesy slashers go. The killer is dressed like one of those cymbal-crashing monkey toys and wears a monkey mask that is so goofy it morphs into looking ghoulish, and the kills are pretty dang gruesome.

A family inherits a motel, but they’re split in their opinions on what to do with it. And soon after, they start getting split by the killer.

One of those monkey toys begins popping up in various places, and when it does, the person that finds it is stabbed to death and has their face peeled off by the killer. Eek!

There are some cheap scares, good atmosphere and chase scenes, and twists and turns as the family tries to figure out a way to escape the killer. The ghost of a former victim even makes an appearance as the final act picks up.

The killer reveal is a doozy, and there’s a fun explanation for the face-peeling, as well as a bit of a supernatural element.

It’s all topped off with a classic, hokey final frame promising a sequel.

THE DEVIL’S HACKSAW (2025)

You really have to approach this one from the right perspective to appreciate it. There are loads of kills, dark themes, and grindhouse visuals that might make it seem like a serious film spoiled by a cheap, corny, low budget production. However, if you give it a chance instead of quickly giving up on it, it’s actually a playful slasher with plenty of humor and a dose of campy graphic novel elements.

The black and white animated opener alone sets up the tone as we learn of a killer abducting a bus full of children and then being thrown in an insane asylum.

Next, we see a killer in a straight-jacket and mask approach two girls parked in a jeep. I think they were speaking redneck, because I could barely understand them. They flash their tits, which of course means they’re just asking for it. It feels like a serious chase and kill scene, but the killer stroking his lead pipe and a comic book splash of blood that splatters the camera lens says otherwise.

Another cool, animated sequence reveals how the killer slaughtered the staff of the institution and escaped. After that, the numerous kills should make it clear this is comedy. For instance, the killer dumps gas on a mechanic who casually begs not to be torched, followed by the killer dancing giddily when he sets the mechanic on fire.

THAT is the vibe you have to go with to appreciate this one. It mostly bounces from kills (the killer even eats body parts at one point) and the local law enforcement investigating the scenes of each crime.

For the final act, the killer does what masked killers do best; he terrorizes a summer camp. Awesome. It’s a major massacre, he roasts eyes like marshmallows, and we get a long, final girl chase scene.

But perhaps my favorite moment of all is the final scene, in which the killer returns for Christmas.

And if I’m not mistaken, he targets a gay couple (again, redneck speak causes a language barrier, so I wasn’t sure).

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RESIDENT EVIL 3: Nemesis is forever my nemesis

Resident Evil 3 is still my absolute favorite RE video game. It is the first RE game I played on my first PC, right after the first RE movie came out, and it put me in a panic the whole time…except for that whole chunk of time I spent running in circles when I couldn’t figure out what I was missing that was keeping me from progressing. That was when I first learned about online walkthroughs.

While I really liked the remake from a few years ago because it was a new gaming experience with familiar elements, I still wish we had gotten a faithful update like the Resident Evil 2 remake. I would love to see the original Nemesis game refreshed on modern systems.

Revisiting the original game now on my GameCube, I can’t even imagine how many times I replayed it. My last “game completed” save was on hard mode, which means…I had infinite ammo for every weapon. Awesome.


That didn’t help much at the very start, when Jill Valentine is left surrounded by zombies after the opening movie. I had only an infinite handgun on me, and I was so not equipped to handle a throwback to the old tank controls. Holy crap did survival horror games play differently back then. At least this game introduced quick turn…which I ended up not using even once during the replay. You also get dodge functions, but I didn’t use those either. At least, not on purpose. At times when I was button mashing, they were triggered accidentally, and shockingly, it always worked out in my favor.


Once I made it to the first save room (RE3 still has the best save room music ever), I grabbed the infinite rocket launcher from the storage chest, and I was good to go. I just wish that you’d also get infinite printer ribbons. Ugh. I hate feeling nervous to save too often. As for supplies, this game is kind of tricky, because a lot of items don’t glimmer, so they’re not easy to spot. For instance, at one point I randomly decided to click on a pile of rubbish in the corner of a room and found another ink ribbon! That’s 3 save slots I could have missed out on, and apparently the person who wrote the walkthrough did, because it wasn’t mentioned at all. You best believe I immediately Googled all ink ribbon locations for the game and wrote them all into the walkthrough.

I love that RE3 lets you run through the narrow, claustrophobic alleys in Raccoon City. You can actually hear how evacuated the city is. So creepy. The distant moans of zombies carry on the wind, and occasionally you’ll run past windows that have zombies banging on the other side of them. Eek! The streets are extra unnerving in hard mode because there are a lot more zombies around, but they were no match for my infinite rocket launcher. And once you find the first map, you realize how helpful the RE maps were compared to the useless maps some other horror games offered back then.

The challenge for me was trying to keep inventory slots open. With only 8 of them and no telling which items you can leave in storage for a while, I often found myself leaving behind minor items that are major to me—like health! Argh! Thanks to my infinite ammo, what I didn’t need to worry about was the whole aspect of picking up and mixing gun powder to make ammo, which was first introduced in this installment of the series. The upside is that when you use an item and it isn’t needed again, the game prompts you to discard it, which is a weight off your shoulders.

The fun for those who played RE3 after originally playing RE2 first is when you arrive at the Raccoon City Police Department. There’s not much time to rejoice, however, because you immediately encounter that big bully Nemesis. EEK! This is the first time in the game where you get a “choose your own adventure” selection on screen. Following a walkthrough will help you make informed decisions as to how your game will differ based on the choices you make in these moments, and this is perhaps the reason I played the game so many times. I’m sure I meticulously made notes as to which paths I took each playthrough so that I could select different ones every time in order to experience all the game had to offer. Not to mention, I first played it on PC…then got the PS1 version for my PS2 to play on a larger screen…then upgraded to the Dreamcast version for tighter graphics…then did the same when I bought the GameCube. Holy shit, I’ve wasted so much money buying the same things over and over again.


Anyway, for this first encounter with Nemesis, there’s an option to completely avoid him, but with my infinite rocket launcher equipped, I opted to blow him away instead. That drops him temporarily, and you get to pick up a bonus treasure that he leaves behind. I’d forgotten just how many “choose your own adventure” moments add replay value to this game. The walkthrough I used was extra thorough and broke down the path choices and which one was “recommended”. In most cases the recommended one ensures you avoid a battle with Nemesis. However, those rules don’t totally seem to apply in hard mode. At one point, I chose the recommended option, in which Nemesis is supposed to get blasted through a window by an explosion so you don’t have to fight him. I thought I was in the clear after the cutscene and began nonchalantly exploring the room for supplies while Nemesis was draped dead over a windowsill…but then the monster music began and the bitch got back up and I had to shoot him with my handy infinite ammo rocket launcher. Man, this game is fun once you score that weapon.

When you enter the police station, the extra thrill of being back in your old stomping ground is that you get to enter a few different areas that were closed off to characters in RE2. Awesome. You do some basic exploring, item gathering, and zombie killing, and then Nemesis shows up again. Without a walkthrough, you wouldn’t know that you are actually finished in the police station at that point and should just leave instead of wasting ammo on him (if you don’t have an infinite rocket launcher).


Back on the streets, you now have to contend with zombie dogs as well as continue running around in circles not really knowing exactly what the hell you’re trying to accomplish. These games really did make you feel like you were absolutely without motivation most of the time, didn’t they?

Zombies become more prevalent, Nemesis shows up more, and you have some random puzzles here and there. You also have to pick up a lot more items, and even after you score an added satchel that gives you two bonus item slots in your inventory, you should read ahead in a walkthrough to see what you can leave in storage for later to free up some room.

As desolate as the city is, you don’t feel totally alone, because you meet several military guys along the way. Human contact. It matters. However, as you get deeper and deeper into the city, it becomes more maze-like, and more zombies, killer dogs, and bigger creatures start appearing, so the loneliness comes flooding back. The game also delivers some great jump scares just when you think everything is calm and quiet.


The moment you’ll know you’re near the end of the first part of the game is when Jill has to get a cable car running. Before you can even get to the cable car, you end up falling into a hole and land in a little corridor with a giant worm popping out of holes in the wall. The goal is to turn on three switches in various corridor offshoots to lower a ladder to get out of the hole. Problem is, the worm always fricking knows where you are. As soon as you enter a nook to hit a button, the worm hits you and knocks you out of the nook. It also takes a load of your health. Fuck. And the fixed camera angles make it almost impossible to see the worm when you really need to. Fuck. This little side section wasted so much of my damn health, and there was none to be found on the way to the cable car. I even tried blasting he bitch with my infinite rocket launcher, but I got the sense he’s indestructible in this segment. Not to mention, the only way to avoid being hit by him before I could lift my launcher was to stand outside the nook, at which point the camera angle would change and I couldn’t see if he was even in the nook anymore. I have a feeling he wasn’t.


Once you get the cable car running, holy crap does shit get hard. You end up at a clock tower, and there are more zombie swarms, killer crows, and those damn giant spiders.

Whenever you kill them, they release little baby spiders that swarm you and poison you. There’s one central foyer in the Clock Tower that has some blue herbs to heal the poison immediately without having to put it in your inventory first, but there is really nothing in the way of regular health. I’m not going to lie. By the end of this section, I was clutching my side and dragging my leg, with my health status in total danger mode, and it was at that point that I had to fight a Nemesis battle. Oh fuck.


I don’t know how I pulled this off, because in this boss battle he was shooting at me with a rocket launcher. The idea is to shoot back when he isn’t holding up the launcher. That also happens to be when he’s charging you. Somehow, I managed to zombie shuffle my wounded ass out of the rocket’s way a few times and shoot my own infinite rocket launcher at him as he charged me. Shot him twice and he was done.


Right then, you switch over to playing Carlos. Jill has been infected, and it is up to him to find a cure…without access to her inventory. The difficulty increases with Carlos. In infinite ammo mode, he doesn’t have the rocket launcher, just an assault rifle and a handgun. Obviously, I went with the assault rifle, because the enemies are insane during his mission. The only other thing you get for him is a set of 3 ink ribbons. Yay, because you find 3 more for him in another save room. Sadly, you can’t leave them behind for Jill once you switch back to her, but on the bright side, you should absolutely use them all.

You have one mission here. Go to the hospital and find a few ingredients for a vaccine. Unfortunately, there are lots of zombies, and lots of fricking hunters. I also noticed that if you have to load a save because you die, or in my case, because my aging GameCube kept freezing up, items like herbs are in different places, and you get different enemies despite retracing the same path you walked the first time.


This isn’t a long segment—you only have to go to two floors and just a few rooms—but the number of enemies makes this one a chore. However, as you leave the hospital, there’s suddenly a bomb on a 7-second timer. The door to leave is literally about ten steps adjacent to where you are standing before the timer cutscene, but you know how fricking disorienting those returns to playing after cutscenes can be. Worst of all, just as you are about to return to Jill, Nemesis appears in a bigger, badder, mutant form, and he chases you through doorways! The idea is not to fight him but to just run right back to the room where you left Jill, since it’s a save room and he can’t follow you in.


Once you are back to being Jill (video games have been woke and gender fluid for decades), you are in the final stretch of the game. The good news is that if you research where ink ribbons are in the game, you can score like 12 in total in this final section. I was saving left and right. It was awesome, and I still had like 10 ribbons left when I finished the game.

By the way, even if you were deathly ill as Jill before you became Carlos (as I was), you are all fresh and healed when you are back to playing her. Good thing, because you immediately encounter mutated Nemesis. You can dodge him, but he does follow you. With the infinite rocket launcher, I just blasted his ass, and he dropped one of those 3-pack health sprays. Holy shit, I forgot all about them. Three health sprays taking up only one inventory slot. Crucial here, because the enemies are brutal in this final section. I also noticed that the rocket launcher, even infinite, has two disadvantages. First, it takes time to lift the heavy fucker every time you shoot, so if fast enemies are right on you, you get caught in a loop of them hitting you while you’re lifting the launcher, at which point you start the movement all over again and get hit again until eventually you die without having shot one rocket. Second, you can’t aim up or down with the rocket launcher, so if anything is crawling on the floor or ceiling, you shoot right past the enemy. I decided to also carry my infinite assault rifle for this last part for shooting speed and flexibility for the crawling enemies.

We even meet some new enemies, including snakes that drop from above in a park section, as well as the return of the giant worm, which you do get to fight this time. You also go through a graveyard where fricking zombies come up from the ground. Awesome from a horror perspective, but in reality, Resident Evil has always been about infection, not the rising of the dead, right?

The park area is dark, spooky, and loaded with enemies, at least in hard mode. Decades ago, when I first played on easy, there was an amazing moment where I entered this really tranquil boardwalk path over the water and through the forest, and there was just one lone zombie standing at a turn in the boardwalk, swaying back and forth, not even looking at me. It was terrifying. This time, hunters kept jumping out of the water left and right and beating the shit out of me. Fuckers.

Most of this section is about finding keys just to open paths to get to other keys. You also have a few very short runs through the sewer (hate the sewer), and some of the puzzles are damn annoying, even with a walkthrough. Plus, there are quite a few choices to make to choose your own adventure and change the ending of the game.

There are plenty of save rooms, which are the perfect complement to all the ink ribbons you find. There’s also lots of health around, so I would advise grabbing it all and running back to the save rooms to store it for use during the final boss battle.

Before the final boss, you have a run-in with mutant Nemesis. You are required to kill him to get the last necessary key card, so health and ammo are crucial to have on hand. This battle is also followed by a timer, and I was panicking, because a cutscene shows the card key following the defeat of Nemesis, but as soon as I regained control of Jill, I was spinning in circles around the room trying to locate that spot. Argh.

The final battle is tricky. Nemesis has now morphed into a big slug thing with tentacles. In the tight room you’re in, which has several offshoots, the goal is to fend him off while you run around pushing three huge batteries into their designated spots. You know how slow those pushing animations can be. Argh. The smart thing to do is to go check the batteries and their locations before you press the button that triggers the battle, because they are numbered 1,2, and 3, and you have to push them in order. Also, once you get the machine running, you have to lead the monster in front of a giant laser gun thingy so he will be shot by it, and you have to get him to stay in front of it more than once.

As soon as he’s dead, it’s time to jump in a helicopter and watch a city explode below you…just like in most Resident Evil games.

Still think this is one of my favorite RE games, with Code Veronica as a close second. I will find out soon enough, because that one is next on my replay list.

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FOUND FOOTAGE: in the woods, at a church, in an asylum

Time to point those cameras and run screaming again. As derivative as they are, I did have a favorite of this trio of found footage flicks.

SHE WALKS THE WOODS (2019)

While this one uses the basic found footage flick template, with not much happening for a majority of its 81 minutes, the payoff in the last 20 minutes is so worth it.

We get a taste of what’s in store for the main cast when the film opens with footage of some hunters getting attacked by something in the woods. Good thing they had cameras, too.

Our main group consists of three guys and one girl going to a cabin in the woods to film their survivalist show.

They do some show footage, they talk around a campfire, one guy hooks up with the girl, they hear noises at night, they hike into the woods…

And then the she-creature strikes. Holy shit is the first attack so perfectly orchestrated.

Things move fast after that. The survivors try to make a run for the cabin, they make stupid decisions (like wondering if they should really go back to the cabin), they argue, and they get viciously killed off one by one. And that fucking cabin is all windows, which had my nerves on end.

Okay, maybe they shouldn’t have gone back to the cabin, but they’re still dumb enough not to barricade the damn door once they get back inside.

The she-creature is scary as hell and looks great in the few clips in which we get to see her in action. Totally worth the watch.

THE HEM (2024)

This 78-minute movie tries to use the standard found footage template, but it fails in every individual aspect. There is absolutely no suspense, mystery, or sense of foreboding here, despite the potential of the premise.

A crew doing a documentary on a church that burned down in a small town is met by tight lips and people walking away when they try to interview them. So much for getting any insight into what occurred there.

They then go to the derelict church to do some filming.

I am telling you, they walk around exploring until 38 minutes into the movie, and the creepiest part is the discovery of a sewing room with wedding dress forms.

There’s little in the way of discovery to build a lore behind the initial tragedy at the church and what the bridezilla’s whole issue is.

At the halfway mark, they get separated. There is no dread or urgency as each individual eventually comes across a fleeting glimpse of a bride. This movie is so stale.

With fifteen minutes left, cops show up, and one of them is George Hardy of Troll 2 fame. Their segment, which looks like a first-person shooter video game, is better than the rest of the movie, and we finally see the vicious bride up close. The denouement is flat and fast, and then the church burns down…again.

There’s a silly final frame scene, but it is even weaker than the rest of the film. Unlike She Walks the Woods, this climax doesn’t make the movie worth watching.

DEVON (2024)

This is it. The “biggie” in the bunch because it’s directed by JWoww of Jersey Shore. The one in which you can tell JWoww just watched the most basic found footage films and said, “I can do that…exactly like that.”

Be warned. The audio is terrible (I turned on subtitles), and the editing is totally spastic, so I wasn’t able to get any clear still shots of any of the ghosts. Actually, I was barely able to see any of the ghosts in the movie at all.

It opens with a sobbing woman being interviewed in a police station. These interrogation clips are interspersed throughout the film as she recounts what happened….

Next, we meet a variety of people that have signed up to investigate an old asylum where a young girl disappeared twenty years before. This one lands on the does the gay guy die? page, because one of the guys is gay. He also ticks every gay affectation check box in the book, as if he’s auditioning to be on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Quite the caricature compared to the other characters.

Anyway, the participants arrive at the derelict asylum with cameras attached to their bodies. They get locked in, are bombarded by bogus jump scares, see creepy things like toys, dolls, and the little girl’s name written in blood on a wall, and eventually split up.

It’s 72 minutes of bouncing flashlights, blurry footage, darkness, screaming, running…you know the drill.

A few times we see figures flit in front of the cameras, but there’s just nothing visible enough to be scared of beyond a figure standing in a corner or a ghost crawling frenetically across the floor.

The actors were the highlight for me, because each one seems absolutely batshit terrified when they are about to die.

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Stay alive or it’s game over…for good!

It’s an immersive video game horror experience for the groups of friends in my latest weekend movie marathon. Two out of three flicks were fun, and I had a fave out of those two. Let’s find out which one.

KILLSTREAK (2025)

This 75-minute movie has a simple storyline, so if you love survival horror video game movies and the classic Stay Alive, just sit back and enjoy the cheap thrill ride.

It’s a familiar premise—online players discover a new video game and quickly learn that if you die in the game, you die in real life.

It begins with six players, each in their own room, immersing themselves in a survival horror game online. They are curious as to how the video game characters they are playing could possibly look and sound exactly like them, but naturally they totally explain away the red flag.

If you’re a horror gamer, you will feel the tension as you watch them exploring a creepy old video game house. Lone zombies roam the halls, and they don’t have much in the way of weapons while searching for keys to escape each level.

They have to run away as it becomes apparent that getting caught in the game causes a flickering version of the enemy to appear in your room to kill you in reality. Quit the game, and you also die. Eek!

It’s basic and straightforward, so just grab the popcorn and watch each character get caught and killed violently in their bedrooms by pixilated holograms. There are fun, in-game jump scares, some violent deaths scenes, and a devious little final battle.

LIVESCREAMERS (2023)

This sequel to Livescream is the total winner in this trio, and returning director Michelle Iannantuono probably had a bigger budget to work with, because this film is everything the first film failed to be.

Just like in Killstreak, there is a group of gamers live-streaming a survival horror video game. However, they are all playing locally in the same room on different monitors. The awesome aspect of this movie is that it flips the finger at the anti-woke crowd. These gamers are doing a livestream that celebrates diversity, so the selection of players is filled with people of color and queer people. Notably, a gay plot line plays a crucial part in the game they’re playing, securing this film a spot on the does the gay guy die? page.

There’s a reference to the events of the first movie, which the gamers believe is nothing more than an urban legend, and then they step into a video game mansion right out of Resident Evil.

They immediately notice the characters in the game look and sound just like them. Another red flag ignored…and this group already knows a story about a video game killing people! Sigh.

Soon after, they learn that if you die in the game, you die in real life. Well, one of them actually learns the hard way. In this case, it’s in the very same room as all the other players since they are playing locally. Now that’s a bloody good time.

The game cuts the livestream and informs them they must continue playing or die. While Killstreak seems to have borrowed a lot from this movie, it forgot to borrow blood, because this one has plenty of it.

On top of that, gamers who watch this film will relish the all-too familiar aspects of playing a survival horror game—finding weapons, using health kits, solving timed puzzles to survive, a relentless boss, and worst of all, quick time events. Fuck quick time events, even if I’m not the one actually playing the game.

The game even manages to mess with the players’ minds along the way, revealing their dirty secrets in order to turn them against each other so they won’t work cooperatively. This includes exposing cheating, disloyalty to their influencer team business, gay baiting, and more.

The arguing spills onto the screen, and you can’t help but wonder who would give a fuck about a partner influencer secretly starting their own separate channel when you’re in the middle of a game that can kill you.

The in-game atmosphere and tension are great, the kills are a blast, and the final decision the survivors have to make to survive is just like, well…something out of a video game. Awesome.

BACKLASH (2025)

This is a different take on the video game kills you in real life concept. In this one, a group of gamers ends up playing a live action version of a game at the location after which it was modeled.

Problem is that everything essential to the plot feels rushed and underdeveloped. We first see a teenage girl discovering a firework has been thrown through a window—a firework that explodes and blinds her.

Next, we meet her older sister’s group of friends. The older sister is tired of watching after her younger, blind sister, who gets bullied a bit at school.

Meanwhile, a nerd asks the sister’s friends if he can play video games with them. They don’t seem like major gamers, but apparently, they are. They finally agree to let the nerd join them for a round, but once they go online to play, they quickly kill his character and upload video of it online.

That’s it. That’s all the development we get concerning their love of video games and their “cyber bullying” of the nerd.

And yet they all wake up chained together at the real location off of which the game is based. They are wearing shock cuffs that zap them if they try to quit playing, and the idea is to fight it out with the enemies and find their way to the exit. Sadly, it wasn’t even a horror video game they were playing, which could have made this experience a lot more fun.

The fact that one friend is instantly psycho and willing to kill all his friends rather than work with them to survive just makes this whole movie feel absurd. And even though he’s the biggest douche in the bunch, most of the characters are not particularly likable.

There’s some suspense and action as the friends battle it out with guns and melee weapons while trying to escape the “game” and each other, but there’s nothing substantial to cling to. The possibilities of who could be orchestrating the game and the motivation behind it are limited, so in the end there’s no surprise.

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Nature strikes back! Snakes, mosquitos, and koalas!

It’s a trio of playful flicks in which wildlife goes even wilder. Let’s see how much fun I had with this triple feature.

ONE BIG SNAKE (2025)

My indie fave director Charlie Steeds brings back the campy, hissing snake from Snake Creek! But dammit if the snake isn’t outfanged by the threat of a voodoo man who wants to become one with the snake.

A hot daddy, his wife, and his son head to a house in the woods they just inherited. They immediately find a man squatting inside, which is where the trouble begins.

The squatter has sinister, ritualistic snake plans. There are snake eggs on the property. An exterminator and a couple of redneck handymen come to the house to up the body count.

But hot dad and mom don’t immediately believe their son when he says he saw a giant snake in the woods.

However, the squatter’s evil plot starts to become clear, making him the problem for a majority of the film. The snake just doesn’t get as much attention as it did in Snake Creek. Although, it does eventually multiply.

The final act is when things pick up and we get funny snake attacks and battles, and it’s totally worth the wait.

DROPBEAR (2025)

  

I expected a lot of silliness from this one, but it went from pretty bad to even worse as it progressed. However, it has great fashion sense.

Believe it or not, apparently there is a real scam tour guides use in Australia concerning the legend of “drop bears”–killer koalas that drop down onto their victims from the trees. That is the basic premise of this one.

The opening kill sets the stage for a fun creature feature.

Then we meet our American tourists, one of whom looks like a Temu Justin Timberlake circa the NSYNC years.

There is way too much time spent on the group setting up camp and sitting around a campfire before the two tour guides that take them into the outback try to pull a drop bear prank on them. However, real drop bears show up! We’re talking 2007 level SyFy CGI killer animal effects. The drop bears’ feet never even touch the ground. Awesome.

This is when I thought the film would take off with loads of campy killer koala action. Instead, the group ends up in some sort of lab bunker and encounter a giant, talking koala/human hybrid in a bad costume.

He explains what human scientists have done to his kind and how they’ve fed off humans ever since. His soliloquy is cheesy and accompanied by flashbacks to how the whole scientific experiment thing went down.

The movie totally falls apart, and for a change, the only good part is when the military shows up, because they have a sizzling hot leader. I mean…because their arrival triggers a stampede of small drop bears. Don’t all small bears want a daddy bear?

The group eventually has to take on the talking koala human, but once the boss battle dust settles, the movie goes on for another ten pointless minutes, and there’s even an unnecessary scene after the credits.

KILLER MOSQUITOS (2018)

This one, which has been retitled Insect on Tubi, is mostly a load of fun. It’s an Italian film, but most of it is in English, with just some occasional Italian speaking characters with no subtitles, so you have to turn them on if you watch it on Tubi. Also, while the film was originally titled Killer Mosquitos, a caretaker refers to them as horseflies. Therefore, I’ll just call them bugs.

The movie opens with maintenance men getting attacked by the bugs, which to me look like mosquitos with an awesome ability to split their faces open to reveal big mouths full of teeth.

Next, we meet a group of friends staying at a villa in the woods. One of the main couples is gay, and the pair doesn’t shy away from hanging all over each other, landing this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

As the group gets settled into the house, they become concerned because of news reports about a serial killer that has escaped from prison. The killer does indeed make his way to their house, which is when the swarm arrives, making his plot line obsolete mighty fast….

There are entertaining kills along the way, as well as some minor battles with the bugs, but there is a noticeable slowdown in pace halfway through the film as the group tries to figure out how they’re going to safely leave the house.

The highlights for me include the group learning that pot smoke kills the bugs dead, and that there’s a giant queen bug hiding in the house somewhere. However, that’s where the movie kind of blows it. This giant bug should have had its moment to wreak havoc, but we never get that!

Instead, the movie takes some unexpected turns and leaves us on a sort of cliffhanger with the old “to be continued…” as the final frame. Yet it doesn’t appear a sequel ever happened. Argh!

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I just can’t let the holiday season go

I dug up one more Halloween horror flick and two more Christmas horror flicks for the holiday horror page. Should I have left them buried?

TRICK AND TREATS (2025)

Didn’t expect to get a new Halloween movie for the holiday horror page in January, so I was psyched when this one popped up on Tubi.

Talk about a movie that shifts tones drastically. I was so into this one at the beginning. It all starts in colonial times when a dude wheels in a huge jack-o’-lantern, flogs a woman until she reveals she’s a demon, and then hacks her up and stuffs her in the pumpkin. It feels like good old cheesy fun is about to transpire for the remainder of the film.

Next, the outdoor Halloween visuals and score that accompany the opening credits deliver Halloween IV level atmosphere. I was so ready for an awesome autumnal horror flick.

That’s not what I got.

Instead, in the modern day we meet four friends dressed for Halloween and heading for some festive fun. Their car breaks down, so they walk to a nearby bar for help. They are immediately harassed by a biker gang, which quickly morphs this movie into a torture porn. WTF?

One character in particular has something horrible done to her face with a power tool, and it’s just such a disturbing scene even though we never actually see the result of what was done to her. I felt like I was watching a Hostel movie.

What’s unfortunate is that there’s a campy, playful horror flick just waiting to emerge from this cruel mess. There’s a jack-o’-lantern on display in the bar—same one from colonial days—and the demon inside, voiced by Malcolm McDowell, speaks to one of the main girls throughout the film and tries to coach her on how to get out of the predicament. This could have been a blast if demon McDowell had geared her towards breaking free earlier, but she only escapes and gets revenge close to the end.

At that point, the film jumps back into the holiday spirit for a few final sequences involving what demon McDowell wants in return for helping the main girl get away. Such an opportunity for a fun, original Halloween horror flick wasted on over an hour of misogynistic torment and torture.

CURTAINS FOR CHRISTMAS (2024)

This 68-minute Christmas slasher comedy comes from Steve Rudzinski, who directed Red Christmas and Amityville Christmas Vacation, so he’s no stranger to holiday horror. This is definitely my favorite of the three films.

You really have to be into Steve’s whacky sense of humor to appreciate his over-the-top style.

Despite the beautifully festive, snowy outdoor shots (is it real or AI? Not sure), the indoor scenes are straight up low budget sets.

Our main girl is a psycho. She wants a man for Christmas and every man she meets is the perfect guy…until she kills him. She also has a giant Christmas rat subconscious that talks to her and sounds like Paul Lynde.

She eventually settles on a married guy, played by Steve, and she’s determined to make him hers. It’s funny and ridiculous when she kills his wife and wears her face as a horrific mask…and Steve believes it’s actually his wife breaking up with him. The main girl looks like the wife, so I’m not even sure she needed the wife face mask to fool him.

The final act is my favorite part. The main girl invites Steve to spend Christmas with her, so she busts into a cabin owned by a gay couple and makes them play her two dads for her Christmas gathering with her “new man”, landing this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

This absurd comedy becomes enjoyably vicious as she starts doing some gory killing. Even children aren’t safe from it. Awesome. There’s also a great nod to Silent Night, Deadly Night.

I SLAY ON CHRISTMAS (2023)

This is as lowbrow and sloppy as an indie anthology gets, but I did actually appreciate one of the “tales”, if you could call it that. However, overall, this is a mess.

It begins with a guy running through the woods and finding a pinecone. But the wraparound isn’t about him.

Then we see a sick guy sitting by his tree. Wraparound not about him either. Everyone working on every part of this movie probably needed to put down the bong.

Finally, a dude in the woods has hallucinations of a babe playing with her tits and then biting off his dick. Then comes the first story.

1st story – a white trash dude drinks, screams at his wife, taunts his baby, tries to rape a woman, axes her when she runs, then kills a dude with Mr. Bill voice. The end. Oh…the white trash dude does mention Christmas and Santa a few times and the Mr. Bill guy is dressed as an elf.

Wraparound – Now a different dude is in the woods telling the stories to the dude who thought he got his dick bitten off.

2nd story – It’s in Spanish with no subtitles, so you have to turn them on manually. There’s a long news report about the discovery of body parts, then a dude invites a girl to his place for a date. His place is decorated for Christmas. He appears to have every plan to kill her, but this one gets a little twist.

3rd story – A woman goes on a date with a guy, he gives her lingerie as a Christmas gift, then kills her when she won’t wear it. The end.

4th story – This was the only one I liked. A dude saw mommy kissing Santa Claus as a child, so he abducts Santa to torture him. Very clever. This one even has a few fun twists.

Wraparound – We learn why the guy is in the woods hearing these stories as punishment, and then he explodes. Not the end.

Another guy walks into the woods and finds 4 pinecones then gets dragged away. Still not the end.

Another guy strangles a kid to death. Nope. Not over yet.

A radio show guy spouts conspiracies about the government and Christmas. The end.

 

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BEWARE boys, bears, and all you other beasts. They’re coming to get you!

It’s a trio of queer themed flicks in different horror subgenres, including a glory hole killer, a gay ghost, and lesbian-hating home invaders, giving me a few more titles to add to the complete homo horror movies page. Let’s see how this triple feature worked out for me.

ANAPIDAE (CALL ME) (2024)

This 45-minute short French film is actually too short to make much sense. It needed more time to indulge in the morbid, messed up, and tragic themes it is exploring.

It’s about grief, loneliness, deception, secrets, living a lie, and living in the closet.

That’s why the whole aspect of a giant spider as a metaphor, which gives the movie its name, is the one element that totally distracted me from everything else going on. See, there’s this dude that works as a caretaker at a cemetery, and the opening scene really captures the look and music of a late 1960s/early 1970s horror movie, which grabbed me immediately.

But that spider. That damn silly looking, giant spider that hangs around the cemetery. The movie does its best to have the caretaker explain how its life parallels his, but for me it wasn’t essential to the story at all. There are numerous clips of bugs interspersed in the film, and the way the imagery is edited into scenes reminded me of the creepy Samara/Sadako video, which adds to the sense that something quite freaky is going to happen at some point.

A widow shows up regularly at the cemetery to visit her husband’s grave. She bonds with the caretaker, who knew her husband. She says the husband told her the caretaker might be gay, but it doesn’t matter to her, and she keeps pushing him to either meet a woman or a man so he’s not alone.

He is alone. He’s totally alone. He lost his love. He cries in pain for his lover at night. In a very cheesy, very Euro horror moment, he digs up the corpse of his lover and makes love to it. But here’s the thing—the lover is a total skeleton (talk about getting boned). This caretaker looks like he’s maybe 21 at the most. How long has his lover been dead? I think in reality the caretaker is supposed to be around the age of the widow, but I’m not sure.

This macabre plot point was the hook for me, but it doesn’t even really have any impact on the rest of the story…because of that damn spider. Is the spider real? I wish. The widow and her two creepy daughters who are right out of The Shining, even see it. However, if the arachnid is a metaphor, that must mean it’s reflective of their grief as well, so naturally they can see it…right?

Don’t hold your breath if you’re hoping for the spider to do something gruesome in the final frame, because it doesn’t. There is some sort of horrific reveal the widow stumbles upon at the end, and it does involve the spider, however, I think what she is seeing is actually…metaphorical. And for viewers, it’s not very horrific at all. Argh. Made me wish they had just stuck to the skeleton fucker fun. Or, perhaps, in a full-length feature, made the bereft caretaker crazy enough to enlist his metaphorical grief spider to kill anyone who discovered his dirty—or dirt covered—little sex secret. Oh, how I wanted the metaphorical spider to literally devour the creepy girls.

I really loved the horror atmosphere and the gay angle of the movie. I also got a chuckle whenever this cheesy love song—a staple of Euro horror—played, because the subtitles literally say “cheesy music” every time. I just wish the movie had delivered more on the emotional aspects and the character development. Well, all that and, you know, the skeleton fucker fun.

THE MORNING AFTER (2023)

This is a queer movie with an agenda. For real. The dialogue is overloaded with unapologetic commentary on the state of woke culture, queerphobia, racism, feminism, gay rights, politics, conservatism, incels, law enforcement, and so on and so on. I’m not sure anyone really wants to experience it on screen as entertainment since it’s a war being waged in reality, yet as you are drawn into a sort of home invasion flick, you have nothing else to focus on other than the social statements.

Two girls wake up the morning after they have a big party and a sexual interaction. They find the cute ex-boyfriend of one of the girls in the bathroom. They learn he announced the party on social media. And now…

There are three strangers in masks standing outside the house. One of them calls himself the big gay bunny and says he is there to teach them that men will not be replaced. He also intends to drill it into the head of the ex-boyfriend that he has been completely emasculated by being an ally to the poison of liberalism.

As the trio inside tries to figure out who is behind the masks, what the strangers want, how to get away, and why the police won’t help them, they are constantly taunted. There are also signs each of them might be hiding something, because they are a sketchy group of victims.

The social messages predominantly overshadow any horror or suspense, but be warned—the big gay bunny cuts off a dog’s ear before killing it, and there is a gory eye removal scene, but it’s a of a human, so no big deal.

Eventually, there appears to be a prank at play, but also…not actually a prank at play. Loads of motive exposition is presented, there’s forced sexual intercourse, some people die, and the big gay bunny removes the mask to reveal his face, but only to the main characters. That’s right. We don’t get to see the identity of the instigator, and the main trio apparently knows who it is. We can’t share in their shock, making everything that happens in the film feel somewhat pointless to us since there’s not much of a chance of piecing together anything that happened either through the course of the movie or the night before.

SCISSORS (2025)

You know how the tagline of my site is “if you’re looking for a safe space, you’ve come to the wrong place”? Well, the same applies to this gay serial killer flick. It doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings. Gay men are absolutely tortured, and all of them are painted as only caring about one thing—anonymous sex.

That’s right. There is no balance here. There are no fully realized gay characters to connect with, only sex fiends that are blamed for their own demise.

The two main characters are the detectives on the case, and one of them has a straight sex scene in which he’s sporting nipple rings, so that gave me a chuckle. He also happens to be a co-writer and co-director of the movie.

The whole point of the film is that a serial killer is targeting men at glory holes and then either doing gruesome things to them through the hole or taking them back to his lair, so the intent isn’t to portray all sides of the gay spectrum. Think the preamble to Cruising.

This is balls-to-the-wall torture porn right from the start…literally.

The Leatherface-sized killer is freaky awesome, with a part gimp/part blowup doll mask, and the kills are fricking brutal. I’m warning you, the torture scenes go on for quite some time, and the guys playing the victims are more convincing in their screaming agony than any of the female bimbos in any 80s slasher I’ve ever seen.

Eric Roberts has a minor role as the mayor, who is concerned the open case will negatively impact his reelection campaign, so that is part of the motivation for the two main cops to solve the case. What we get is part sleazy sex torture and part police procedural. What we don’t get is any characters we really care about. The detectives seem somewhat sympathetic to the situation, but they still use gay slurs.

The ending for me was a highlight. Nothing is tied up neatly, but there’s a dark reveal of the killer that gives this movie more depth than it ever hints at during the entire course of events leading up to the finale.

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Silly slashing, but did it make my sides hurt?

I selected three that sounded like horror comedies from my watchlists, but did any of them deliver the kind of fun I was hoping for? Let’s find out.

MOVIE THEATER MASSACRE (2023)

I love when slashers take place in a movie theater. I love when movies only run 72 minutes long. I love horror comedies. So…what went wrong here?

There is just no energy. We spend a majority of the movie at a theater (filmed in an actual, fantastic movie theater), watching the staff toss around movie trivia and complain that nobody goes to theaters anymore as they count down the days until the theater closes for good. The actors all seem bored in their attempts to act natural, and I guess the most obvious hint of humor is when one of the ushers notices someone jerking off in one of the bathroom stalls.

About once every 30 minutes, someone is murdered in the back parking lot, with no suspense, jump scares, or intense violence to liven things up. So that’s about 3 victims throughout the course of most of the movie.

Linnea Quigley is called in as a psychic to do a séance that goes nowhere, the girl working the ticket booth gets held up at gunpoint, and the crew kills time by making their own little movie at one point.

That’s all that’s really going on here until suddenly there’s a rush of people coming to the theater in the final act.

This leads to a sudden jolt of action, with the masked killer stabbing and shooting theatergoers as they stampede out of the theater Then…I think some supernatural force drags the killer out of the theater and up into the sky to put an end to the killings.

What the hell did I just watch?

GIRL IN THE REFRIGERATOR (2025)

This is like the Cougar Town of dark horror comedies, with a bunch of friends just hanging around drinking and talking the whole time. Difference is, most of these friends don’t know there is a dead body stashed in the main guy’s fridge.

I guess the goal was to make the beefy main guy seem geeky and unassuming, but his sleazeball haircut and exaggerated glasses make him look more like a creepy pedo, so it’s kind of hard to believe that he has a girlfriend and that a pretty neighbor is interested in him.

See, the main guy wants to break up with his girlfriend, but he decides to at least bang her one more time. Unfortunately, he kind of drills her right into a deadly power tool.

Rather than face the consequences of what he’s done, he decides to store the body for later disposal. He researches the best way to do it, and I guess we finally learn what the purpose is of AI, because it suggests that the smartest thing to do is keep the body in a refrigerator.

He does just that then goes on with his day. The tone is quite quirky and humorous, with plenty to give you a giggle as different characters pop in and out to chill and have some beers in the apartment complex.

The problem is, the movie kind of forgets there’s a body in the fridge and that this is a horror comedy. We get flashbacks of how annoying the girlfriend was and why the main guy might have wanted to dump her (and her body), his daydreams about how things will unfold with the law if he’s busted. Meanwhile, people that drop by keep getting close to discovering the body, which means they must die. Unfortunately, we never get to see him kill them!

Instead, the focus is on his budding relationship with his pretty neighbor, which shifts this into romance mode. So far into romance mode that the romance even starts getting the black and white, silent film treatment.

Eh. Really just not my thing. Plus, you kind of sense right from the start where the relationship between him and his new love interest is going to end up.

MASSACRE AT FEMUR CREEK (2024)

Of these three “horror comedies”, this one worked the most for me simply because it has the worn out look of a VHS tape of a backwoods horror flick. In terms of what the film was going for, the script is not disciplined enough to grab you with any clear concise plot.

While most of this is played for laughs, there’s an aspect that seems completely overlooked and underutilized that could have made the film effectively creepy. For the first few kills, the killer, who is wearing one of those transparent masks, simply limps slowly up behind a person standing on the side of an isolated road at night and kills them.

It virtually rubber stamps the killer’s trademark approach, but that is never really explored again. At least the kills after that are gory with practical effects.

Our main group is a bunch of guys camping in the woods for a bachelor party. Rather than kill them off, for an entire hour the killer just comes upon random people that are in the woods for a variety of reasons. The cleverest moment has a small group of indie filmmakers shooting a backwoods horror movie and not realizing that the killer has unintentionally stepped into the role of their killer.

We also get a female stripper who is hired to come to their camp for a performance and gets more character development than most of the main guys.

Just before the one-hour mark, the killer wanders up to their campfire and starts killing them. Like, these guys had no idea there was a killer in the woods for most of the movie, which affected their own importance to the plot if you ask me.

The whole final act, between the kills and the main characters fighting back, is anticlimactic, but a dick does get blown off with a gun, which is always fun.

After that, there’s a very boring final scene focusing on the day of the wedding, but it does end with a cheesy, old school final frame.

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