The Gingerdead Man needs a little Christmas spirit

In a last ditch effort to keep Christmas alive, I decided my next movie venture should be The Gingerdead Man trilogy. Needless to say, my biggest disappointment is that it doesn’t even revolve around the Christmas holiday! I know. Little Christmas is when the 3 Wise Men arrived, not the 3 Gingerdead Man movies. But I was still hoping for more than just a killer gingerbread man…

The Gingerdead Man (2005)

The first film “stars” Gary Busey. He’s only actually in it for like the first 5 minutes, and then, in the spirit of Child’s Play and Jack Frost, his villainous character dies and he returns as nothing more than the voice of a goofy killer.

The best thing about The Gingerdead Man is that when you exclude the 10 minutes of credits, the movie is only 60 minutes! Now THAT is how you do a really bad slasher film right.

I was expecting a movie that made absolutely no sense because I’ve read just that about this movie in various reviews online. I must be a real simpleton to make sense of something this confusing. Serial killer dies. Serial killer is brought back as gingerbread man when bakery boy bleeds into dough. Gingerbread man goes on killing spree.

Okay, I guess you can claim there are plot holes, but, you know, it’s about a fricking killer gingerbread man!!! Does it matter that some unexplained stranger in a black hooded robe drops off the box of gingerbread dough? Can’t we assume it’s the mentioned mother of the killer, who had his body cremated leaving nothing but ashes? Can’t we assume the ashes were in that dough? Can’t we assume that it’s some sort of black magic, as one of the characters actually mentions?

Okay, maybe the electric currents that shoot into the oven when he’s being baked to life are a little out there, so you might need a little suspension of disbelief to make it through this otherwise logical killer gingerbread man movie. But the bottom line is, this 2 foot gingerbread man goes around killing kids (actually, most are just maimed) and dropping a bunch of one-liners, most of which suck or you could have thought of yourself (the good ones).

Nicely paced (and short), you can expect girls getting into a dough fight (watch out for yeast infections ladies!), a really cute blond dude with great arms who looks straight out of an 80s movie, and…well, that’s pretty much it.

Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)

Part 2 supposedly runs 80 minutes, but it’s actually only 72 minutes. It’s the perfect length for a campy blood and sex sequel that essentially has nothing to do with the first film. Which is surprising, since the opening is a charming storybook recap that explains the rumored confusing plot of the first movie almost as good as I did above.

Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust might be most appreciated by its maker, Full Moon Features, the company that brings us classics like Killjoy, Demonic Toys, and Puppet Master. The film appears to be “based on a true story”—that of Full Moon Features’ history. It pokes fun at indie film studios, gives nods to fans of the crappy films they make, and talks smack about anonymous “critics” all over the Internet.

A cute young guy is making a sequel to a franchise about killer toys in an attempt to salvage his father’s movie production company, known for making trashy horror and sci-fi films. As slapstick and campy nonsense ensues, Gingerdead Man (no longer voiced by Gary Busey), comes to visit the movie set. He learns that he can use black magic and murder to transfer from his cookie body to a human body.

What’s good? You will laugh at some of the asinine humor despite yourself. A chick gets spanked by 3 sexy pretty boys.

There are quite a few cute men in the “film crew.”  And the movie’s theme song is a note-for-note rip-off of Joan Jett’s “Bad Reputation” with different lyrics. Not sure if Joan’s aware of this….

Plus, in what I guess is an attempt to up the camp factor, Gingerdead Man drops derogatory gay terms incessantly and makes a stereotypical old queen his first target, screwing him with a scalding hot curling iron. The old queen smiles with delight as smoke and blood pour out of his ass until he’s dead.

And yet, that wonderful gay-positive scene can’t save this film from its one fault; it has nothing to do with Christmas.

The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (2011)

Part 3 seems to be an excuse just to re-enact scenes from Carrie. It also pays homage to Porky’s, Silence of the Lambs, and crazies like Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, Charles Manson, and Lizzy Borden. Yes, it panders to gruesome geeks like me.

There are a couple of great things about The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver. The guys are really hot and several of them are shirtless. It doesn’t give a shit if it sux, so it sux harder than ever. It could win awards for CGI exploitation. It recycles the Joan Jett rip-off song. There’s a boob babes car wash scene.

Essentially, this is part 2 ramped up in ridiculousness. Gingerdead Man goes back in time to a roller disco, where all the absurdity takes place and out comes the cleaver. Faux disco and faux 70s fashions abound to fill an hour to get us to the re-enactment of the pigs’ blood scene from Carrie.

My favorite part of the film? The insultingly obvious naming of a roller disco girl with a red baseball cap after Carrie and Halloween star PJ Soles. Yeah. I’m that easy to please. Even if there’s absolutely no Christmas in this entire trilogy.

And of course, check out my Evil Bong blog to read all about the crossover film Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong.