STREAM QUEEN: silly stupid scares or just stupid?

I didn’t exactly laugh my head off with this foursome, but did they have anything else to offer? Let’s find out.

VILLAINS (2019)

Bill Skarsgard of It and Maika Monroe of It Follows (pretty sneaky, casting director) are deliciously funny as a couple of bumbling robbers…or should I say villains. They are both more animated and whimsical than I’ve ever seen them. Well, Skarsgard was animated in It, but that was computer animation.

The opening act really drew me in and had me anticipating a fun, dark horror comedy. Especially when they break into an isolated house after their car runs out of gas and find a little girl chained up in the basement.

Their plan to rescue her goes awry when they meet the man and woman of the house, played by Jeffrey Donovan of Blair Witch 2 (who is a blast in this film) and Kyra Sedgwick.

The couple is creepy and freaky, and they aren’t going to make an escape easy for the home invaders. There are plenty of funny moments, but ultimately the cat and mouse/escape/recaptured game gets tired after a while, and there isn’t much here we haven’t seen before in movies like Misery (Skarsgard’s crotch aside).

Most of all, we sit patiently waiting to find out what’s really going on with the little girl chained up in the basement. I for one was totally disappointed when the truth came out.

BUTT BOY (2019)

Writer and director Tyler Cornack stars in this anal retentive film that will leave you just wanting to go back and watch Bad Milo again for some good anal.

Of course a movie is going to gain notoriety when it’s called Butt Boy and is about a guy who gets hooked on sticking stuff up his ass, including animals and children. Sounds like it’s going to be a totally over-the-top exploitation flick, right?

Nope. It’s a dark, depressing film about addiction and taking those things that are important to others and making them vanish…up your ass. It’s such a downer the only way to make this blog more uplifting is to post pix of the guy’s ass (the best part of the film).

Don’t expect explicit scenes of things going up the butt.

After a rectal exam ignites the main guy’s love of anal, the only reason we know he’s somehow sticking huge, living things up his ass is because there are a whole lot of missing persons and pets cases opening up around him.

He gets involved in AA and becomes the sponsor of the alcoholic detective investigating the case, and the trail of clues ends with his end. No, this isn’t exactly Mom.

There are a few minor humorous lines, and it’s kind of funny the few times the dude bends over and pulls his cheeks apart to do things like suck a car up his ass, but this movie is just so boring in between the cheek moments.

When the detective finally gets to the bottom of everything, the film at last revels in its exploitative properties. But by that time, it was just too late for me.

NINA FOREVER (2015)

It’s another dark comedy that’s not much of a comedy, but I really like the premise.

A guy strikes up a conversation with his female coworker, and soon they go to his place and have sex. Yeah, the Butt Boy guy’s ass is bigger and juicier.

This. Scene. Rox. And not because it’s a sex scene…because it’s a horror scene. In a bloody living dead moment, the guy’s late girlfriend merges from the bed like it’s a grave.

This begins the rocky relationship between the guy and his new girl, because every time they have sex, his former girlfriend joins them.

This is where the dark comedy comes in—the dead girlfriend has a dry sense of humor and just loves to annoy the fuck out of the new girlfriend.

The film is basically about the variety of ways in which they try to rid themselves of the dead girlfriend, from going to dinner with her parents to fucking on her grave.

It is slow in its dreary morbidity, but it does keep you watching this macabre, non-platonic Three’s Company scenario.

30 NIGHTS OF PARANORMAL ACTIVITY WITH THE DEVIL INSIDE THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2013)

Remember when Scary Movie came out and nobody paid any mind to the inferior Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th? Well, this film might as well be a sequel to that movie. Who chose which movies to cram into the title? The Devil Inside? Really? Non-horror Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? And I’m not sure if that is supposed to be a reference to 30 Days of Night, because it’s never referenced in the film.

The film mostly mocks the Paranormal Activity movies. It also mocks general pop culture like The Bachelor, Paula Deen, Adele, and the “honey badger don’t care” viral videos.

French Stewart makes a minor appearance, I guess because he quickly discovered he was just an extra on the new hit show Mom, and not an actual full-time cast member. Whoa. Two Mom references in one blog.

A family moves into a new house, gets a big bull dyke security woman to set up cameras, and is soon being terrorized by ghosts. There are some humorous satirical moments, but it all quickly becomes uninspired and too stupid to be funny for 80 minutes.

The adolescent, raunchy sex moments really are the highlight, including the main couple caught in an S&M act, two ghost hunter dudes having fun with a camera in their van, and the ridiculously stereotypical gay, Latin manny who dances in a tutu at night and eventually becomes a ghost, at which point he teabags a furry dude.

The manny is a ghost at that point, so no, you don’t see his balls.

But he does land this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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