Five movies that make you glad you didn’t feel like you were paying to see them because you watched them on a streaming service.
LAKE MUNGO (2008)
After the drowning of a teen named Alice, her mother, father, and son struggle through their grief. They determine that Alice’s spirit is in their house, so they call in an expert to ghost hunt. They also get more than they bargained for when all (video) evidence points to Alice having a very skanky and possibly satanic secret life, which is the more interesting and creepy part of the film.
This is one weird found footage movie. As chilling as it is, it’s essentially a series of anecdotal stories (done documentary style), along with mostly still shots showing what appears to be a ghost. Seriously, this movie would be just as effective if it were a book with photos. And not to spoil anything, ***SPOILER*** but halfway through the film, one character admits to faking all the photos and videos. WTF?
But this is where the big twist comes in about Alice’s practices before her death, which adds a fresh twist to the usual paranormal found footage movie. But don’t expect to be scared out of your wits. At most, you’ll get an unsettling feeling in your gut.
MR. BRICKS: A HEAVY METAL MURDER MUSICAL (2011)
Troma releases a grindhouse revenge/exploitation flick/horror musical mashup. If you really, really, really just accept it for what it is, you’ll find some entertainment value here, but Mr. Bricks is kind of a mess.
Tim Dax (also known as former gay porn start Titus) is an ex-convict shot in the head by a cop in a warehouse. However, he doesn’t die. With the bullet lodged in his skull, he sets off to get revenge on the cop.
As Tim and other cast members scream their way through forgettable thrash metal and industrial tracks, there’s plenty of choppy music video editing and gritty grindhouse gore, nudity, and action. it’s hard to care about anything that’s going on. Fact is, Tim, a piece of shit woman abuser, is just the king of the scum, because there are no characters worth rooting for here. This movie is a headache waiting to happen. If only Tim would have gotten naked in the film, I wouldn’t be using the “I have a headache” excuse.
WILLOW CREEK (2013)
80s comedian Bobcat Goldthwait turns found footage director. And if you watch this movie, you’ve just been punked.
Cutie Bryce Johnson of Pretty Little Liars takes his girlfriend to the spot where the famous 1967 footage of Bigfoot was taken. Before they get there, they make endless sexual jokes about things that are a foot long. Then they interview the locals about Bigfoot, and we’re forced to sit through a whole song sung by a hick with a guitar and a harmonica.
Too ease the pain, we are treated to Bryce skinny-dipping!
Back to the torture. Bad Blair Witch flashbacks bring on more agony as we watch footage of the ground and the inside of a tent. The couple seriously sits in silence in the tent for like 10 minutes listening to sounds outside before something finally scares them. The next day, they again follow the Blair Witch formula and get lost.
And finally, in the last few frames of footage, they come face to face with…a big boobed chick in a diaper?
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?
MALIGNANT (2013)
You know it’s bad when you fall asleep in the middle of a movie, and when you wake up and rewind, it turns out you missed nothing of importance.
Some guy’s wife dies and he becomes a big alcoholic. As he grieves outside at night, Brad Dourif comes out of the darkness and says he’ll help him break his addiction. The guy wakes up the next morning with stitches on his chest.
Now, every time he drinks and blacks out, he wakes up to find a video on his computer of him killing a person. Bottom line is…he needs to stop drinking so he won’t kill people.
This may have been better executed as a short film, because the clever plot quickly loses its punch and things just get way too boring and tame.
THE POISONING (2013)
If only The Poisoning wasn’t so busy excessively setting up the volatile relationships between three guys on a road trip to California, it could have been a tension filled thriller about what happens after they leave a hitchhiker in the dust.
Just when you are about to turn the film off because you can’t take watching these three guys fight anymore, there’s a kill and the creepy as hell hitchhiker comes on the scene. Yay! Not only that, but we get hit with a fantastic twist soon after.
Following that, the movie ends after a brief chase scene. Wait…what? That’s IT? Yes. The Poisoning is essentially a whole movie about three guys fighting, with a horror twist thrown in at the last minute just for the hell of it.
