Troma trash, the sequel! I suffered through 5 more Troma films, and I actually had some favorites in this batch.
EVIL CLUTCH (1988)
This Italian horror flick is one of my faves of the bunch. If you love Evil Dead, Demons, and rip-offs of either, then this is the movie for you.
It opens with a totally cool 80s chick ripping off some dude’s genitals with a freaky claw that comes out of her during sex. It’s her evil clutch! Before long, she invites a young couple into her house. They particularly want to get away from a creep on a motorcycle who appears to be the only other person in the town they are passing through and tells them stories of demons—using his electronic voice box.
And that’s it. Four characters. Before long, some are turning demon, zombie creatures appear, there’s gore galore, and there are even possessed tree roots. Oh. And the leading lady gets her hands on a chainsaw. Perfect. Evil Clutch just has that cheesy, icky demon feel of all my 80s faves, complete with spooky 80s synth music.
BEYOND EVIL (1980)
With Lynda Day George and John Saxon moving into a haunted house, you would think Beyond Evil would be a winner. But no. Totally no.
There’s one reason to watch the film; John Saxon walking around shirtless. Lynda Day doesn’t even give us a famous bellowing freak out as she does in Pieces. And it feels sort of weird seeing her in a horror movie with a man who isn’t Christopher George. He must have been off filming Graduation Day.
Beyond Evil feels like a really bad made-for-TV horror flick of the 1970s. There’s a story of a woman into black magic who lived in the house and got revenge on her cheating husband from beyond the grave. And she’s back to possess Lynda Day and shoot animated green lasers from her eyes. Plus, there’s a witch doctor, a devil doll, and a lot of falling stuff and cars blowing up. And that’s really about it. Lynda Day doesn’t even go all Regan for us.
CHILLERS (1987)
Another favorite of mine, Chillers is a horror anthology. The wrap around concerns a group of five people waiting in a bus depot relating nightmares they’ve had.
The first story has a little butch chick practicing her swimming at a public pool. Soon, a mega hunky cutie is giving her loads of attention. During a sex scene in the shower, you even see his booty. But then—he turns all zombie on her! She begins seeing the zombies of all the people who died at the pool!
The second story involves three young boys in a pioneer troop going into the woods with their troop leader—and running into a psychotic hunter. But is he really the threat? There are creepy hints of pedophilia in this freaky tale. And you gotta love the reference to Smokey the Bear.
The third story is a not-so-great tale of a lonely woman who is in love with her local newscaster, who shows up at her door—to suck her blood! After this tale, the little boy in the bus depot says what we’re all thinking: “That’s not scary!”
In the fourth story, a young man realizes he can bring the dead back to life by touching their obituary in the newspaper. So much potential, but it ends quickly with a Twilight Zone zinger.
The fifth story is about a teacher who faces off against a demon spirit he teaches about in his class. The demonic chick is the best part of this one.
And naturally, the bus depot wrap around ends with a twist.
SPACE ZOMBIE BINGO!!! (1993)
This is one of those total hack-job low-budget messes with no real plot or script, about alien zombies, done documentary style…I guess. It seems to follow the military and news reports.
Hey. I love some major crap, but when it comes to Space Zombie Bingo!!!, I just…couldn’t. There’s a clown. Aliens in welder helmets and toy ball antennas. A guy in a hot tub. And a music video interruption—it’s actually the best part of this horror show because it’s a pretty good song.
Oh—and all the straight boys who’ve ever watched this movie are furious that there are absolutely no bikini babes in the movie as depicted on the cheesy cover art.
THE NEWLYDEADS (1988)
The Newlydeads has all the ingredients necessary for an 80s craptastic low-budget direct-to-VHS horror flick. A hotel owner hooks up with a hot chick who rents a room—only to discover she is a he! The hotel owner kills the drag queen…who comes back as a rotting bride to wreak havoc on the day of the hotel owner’s wedding!
Aside from a drag queen zombie bride, there are loads of victims at the hotel, an old couple getting married, a drunk priest, and plenty of nudity. But when it comes time for the jealous drag queen zombie bride to chase the hotel owner through the woods, can he do away with her by kissing a heterosexual female psychic? So glad this mess was the final film in my Troma trash marathon because it’s a classic.
