Asian horror remade in the new millennium Part 3

I bring my series of posts about Asian horror films that were remade for the U.S. market in the 2000s to an end with a look at The Eye movies!

THE EYE (2002)

The Eye to me is like Exorcist III—one highly effective scary scene has earned it much more credit than it deserves. Yeah, I said it. The Eye is actually a rather generic film coming from the peak of the Asian horror craze.

While in the hospital for an eye transplant, a young woman makes friends with a child going through brain surgery.

After having her bandages removed, the main girl at first sees blurry images, including a creepy encounter with a mysterious female figure in the hospital hall at night. It’s an effective scene that includes a good jump scare.

She then goes to stay in an apartment building with her grandmother, where she has repeated run-ins with a little boy who always asks her if she has seen his report card.

When it comes down to it…she sees dead people. But her new sixth sense goes beyond that. For instance, I didn’t quite understand why she sees a ghost woman slowly and lustfully licking a piece of hanging meat in a restaurant. Was she starving in real life?

She has a total Ghost moment when she encounters a boy ghost right after he dies in an accident on the street. This is also when she discovers that a figure in black with a blurred face comes to take the dead spirits.

Then comes the elevator scene. Eek! It makes me think of that true story of the young woman who died in the water tower after doing weird shit on a security camera video on an elevator. In the movie, the main girl sees a man standing facing the corner…but not in the security monitor, only after she gets on the elevator! Instead of getting off the elevator sooner, she rides the damn thing fifteen stories up as he begins fucking floating towards her. As she rushes to her grandmother’s apartment, she sees the little report card kid getting ready to jump out a window, but she just keeps running.

She also happens to be a violinist, which isn’t focused on much in the original, but she does pass out at a recital, which lands her back in the hospital for a sad goodbye with the brain cancer child before the Grim Reaper appears.

Her therapist, who doesn’t quite believe she is seeing dead people, helps her find the mother of the girl she received her eyes from, and a whole new set of information is heaped on us. Bottom line is…the donor committed suicide. With the main girl pushed to the same state of despair, the mother helps her, which frees the dead girl’s soul.

On the drive home, something totally unexpected happens in this little ghost movie—a massive disaster scene! The main girl now has psychic powers (on top of seeing dead people and the Grim Reaper), so as as they are stuck in traffic, she knows there’s going to be a huge explosion. As she’s running down the road trying to warn people sitting in their cars, we are bombarded by flashbacks of the suicide girl’s past that reveal that she had psychic ability to predict tragedies, and when they came true, they would think she was evil.

THE EYE (2008)

The American remake spoon feeds us all the information that is sloppily dumped on us in huge chunks in the original, but that just manages to make this a chaotic mess of shrill shock scares that fall flat within minutes because they’re so overdone.

We are handed the suicide girl right at the beginning before we meet our main girl, played by Jessica Alba. Her career as a violinist gets more focus, including her therapist being a fellow musician.

A young Chloë Grace Moretz is the brain child in the hospital, and Parker Posey plays her sister, with the grandmother stay scrapped for this movie.

When Jessica sees the first scary lady in the hospital hall, the scene is a typical quick edit assault on the eyes and ears. Yawn.

The report card kid is around, but instead of the meat licker at the restaurant, we get some cranky white chick who even bitches to Jessica and gets all in her face. A fucking Karen ghost. Also, the dead kid in the accident on the street is swapped out for a woman.

The Grim Reaper is creepier and more ominous, and the scene saying goodbye to the brain child at the hospital is less poignant and played more for the horror and suspense of the Grim Reaper’s presence.

And of course there’s the elevator scene. It’s a bit more frenetic than the original instead of building the tension as much, but what I do like is that Jessica slams every damn button on that elevator in order to get off sooner. The creep in the corner looks a bit more gnarly gory than the creep in the original, but I wouldn’t choose to ride fifteen floors up with either of them. And once Jessica gets off the elevator, instead of ignoring the jumping report card boy, she actually runs to the window to try to stop him. Blah.

The major change throughout the film is an onslaught of nightmares Jessica has revealing the history of the previous owner of the eyes, along with a whole lot of warnings of fires and explosions. When she finally gets to the mother of her dead donor, the woman fricking has a heart attack and Jessica helps free the girl’s soul in a whole different way, which was a bit hokey to me.

And finally, the traffic jam explosion scene has minor changes but is just as massive as in the original.

THE EYE 2 (2004)

While the remake didn’t spawn any sequels, the original lived on. Moving forward, “the eye” just refers to the ability to see ghosts, with the concept of eye transplants thrown out the window.

In the sequel, a young woman is not in a good place and ends up trying to commit suicide. After overdosing on pills, she sees ghosts all around her bed before being rushed to the hospital.

Then it’s game on and ghosts galore—in a taxi, jumping in front of a subway, even in the reflection in her bathroom tiles. It’s familiar territory for anyone who’s been around Asian horror for a while.

Finally we get the twist. She’s pregnant, she doesn’t want it, and the ghosts are coming for it, which kind of makes her want it.

The most intriguing scene is when she is assaulted by a man on the street, something attacks him, she blacks out, and then the police tell her she attacked him in  self-defense.

The most derivative scene? Long black ghost girl hair attack! Yawn. This time it’s on an elevator, and to make things a little more interesting, ghost girl wants to crawl into where babies come out.

THE EYE 3 (2005)

The Eye 3 continues the trend of having every film serve as its own subgenre of horror. This installment goes for a fun and funny teen horror comedy vibe!

The opening exorcism scene is a sign of things to come. It’s seemingly creepy at first, with a possessed girl levitating and groaning demonically, but then a circle of exorcists gets slapped one by one in the face with a big tongue.

Next we meet a group of friends. They read a book covering various rituals to communicate with the dead—which also happens to reference the “cases” of hauntings from the first two movies. Sneaky.

The kids do a ritual that involves drumming on bowls with chopsticks, and ghosts appear. Also, one of their friends disappears!

They spend the rest of the film being harassed by various ghosts as they try to find their friend. One girl is chased by a basketball. A guy has a dance-off in a hallway while running from ghosts after spoofing on the original film by having an encounter in the elevator and then an encounter with a kid looking for his report card.

There’s also a silly element about seeing ghosts by bending over and looking between your legs, and when the kids finally reach a ghostly dimension where they can rescue their friend, fart humor comes into play! This one definitely gets dumber as it progresses.

THE CHILD’S EYE (2010)

The series goes out with a child’s eye…and a dog’s eye! This one has more in common with the third film, but pulls back on the humor to focus more on the horror.

When social uprisings begin while pretty young people are on vacation, they end up stuck in a seedy hotel with a ghostly past.

This installment jumps the shark by bringing in a dog that can see ghosts (can’t they all?). When the guys in the group of friends go missing, this pup helps the girls unravel a supernatural mystery involving a man believed to have killed his pregnant wife’s dog, after which the wife disappeared. Uh-oh.

This was originally a 3D film, which probably worked well with the less intense nature of this installment (it’s definitely a popcorn an cherry cola film), so there are some cheesy moments where hands, bugs, and other things sort of just float in front of the camera.

There’s some possession action, a scary ghost woman, and another dimension as in The Eye 3.

The best part for me was this freaky half-dog/half-child thing that runs around terrorizing the girls. Eek!

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Asian horror remade in the new millennium Part 2

I caught all four missed calls—3 Japanese installments and the American remake—but should I have missed them?

ONE MISSED CALL (2003)

It’s like they took the phone call aspect of The Ring, the techno ghost transmission aspect of Pulse, and the predictive death aspect of Final Destination and made yet another movie that eventually evolves into a tale of an angry little ghost girl.

I would have liked One Missed Call a lot better if it had gotten to the point sooner instead of running 112 minutes long. It is painfully padded before getting to the really good stuff in the final act. And as with most of these Asian ghost mysteries, there are a few too many elements tossed in along the way to complicate the plot.

A young woman receives a message on her flip phone in her own voice. Two days later she is on the phone with her friend and dies by falling in front of a train while saying exactly what she was saying on the message.

The friend is now stuck with this curse as her friends start getting similar messages and dying off. There’s a ringtone that is meant to instill fear in us and become an iconic sound of the horror genre, but it didn’t particularly do much for me.

The story about the deadly supernatural phone messages goes viral before going viral was even a thing, and one of the friends ends up on a live television exorcism show.

Meanwhile, a detective who lost his sister to the phone message helps the main girl investigate, and an Asian horror ghost girl legend is born about a girl with asthma, her abusive mother, and the reason a red jawbreaker is found in the mouth of every victim.

It all leads to a derelict hospital for the best part of the film, with a corpse terrorizing the main girl and detective, and a horrendous moment when the main girl apologizes to her abusive mother as if she was the one at fault.

ONE MISSED CALL 2 (2005)

Here is one of those sequels that rewrites horror history to create a convoluted new origin story of the curse.

The phone messages and ringtones of terror strike a new group of friends, and the case from the first movie is referenced for some sort of continuity.

Then a reporter steps in to help them out. The jawbreakers are out and the stomachs of victims are now lined with coal dust, which leads to the grandfather of asthma girl from the first movie, because he lives in a mining town.

Let’s do something totally different…
scary crawling girl with SHORT hair!

It seems the curse actually originated with a girl who lived in the town and could make awful things happen just by saying them out loud. So the locals sewed her mouth shut and buried her in the mine.

A terrible idea in any language.

The reporter and the main kids go into the mine to find the body and are terrorized by the ghost girl until the end…when the jawbreaker aspect suddenly pops up again, even though that was tied to the myth of the first movie’s asthma girl, not the second movie ghost girl. Ugh.

ONE MISSED CALL 3: FINAL (2006)

How about a heap of headache with a side order of no scares? The final film in the Japanese trilogy fully injects confusion to the max as it returns to asthma girl and her jawbreakers as the source story.

A girl bullied viciously at school falls into a coma after a failed suicide. Her friend gets revenge by sending a curse through her computer to the phones of all the bullies then checks them off in the yearbook like it’s Prom Night.

To save themselves from dying, the bullies start forwarding the message to each other because doing so is supposed to be the key to passing off the curse. What do you expect when all your friends are bullies?

This shit gets all forgive and forget as our main girl apologizes to coma girl, which supernaturally catapults them both back to school and drags them into a realm of cheap ghost scares—the best part of the movie.

They also get a live viral campaign going to help defeat asthma girl and then live happily ever after as BFFs. Yawn.

ONE MISSED CALL (2008)

This is what I’m talking about. After three bloated One Missed Call films, the U.S. remake sticks to the plot of the original and simply streamlines it to a sleek 80 minutes (minus the 6 minutes of closing credits).

Unfortunately, it also exploits the cheap “demon face” app effect everyone and their mother was playing with on the internet back then, which is why I hated this film at the time. But comparing it to the original version, I’ve gained a whole new respect for it.

Even with trimming the storytelling time by 30 minutes, the remake still manages to add some info visually that was just mentioned in dialogue in the original film. For starters, the first kill—a drowning—is only referenced in the original, but it plays out here in a silly scene involving death by fish pond. Not even the cat survives this one.

Shannyn Sossamon (Catacombs, Devour, Sinister 2) stars as the girl on the phone when her friend gets creamed by a train in a scene loaded with CGI specters and a splat. Much different than the original.

Ed Burns plays the main detective who lost his sister, and I have to say, I never realized what a gorgeous long nose he has. Yum. Margaret Cho has a very brief cameo as a fellow detective, and Ray Wise appears as the guy with the exorcism show.

Anyway, it felt very reminiscent of The Ring as victims start dropping dead after having delusions of centipedes, hideous dolls, and other creepy things. Turns out they are all objects in the house of asthma girl when the main girl and the detective get there, which is much sooner than in the original, thankfully.

Dang, this movie moves fast. Before you know it, the pair is at the abandoned hospital, and once again it ties back to objects in asthma girl’s house. The corpse attack is freakier because it takes place in a damn vent, and thankfully, there’s no bullshit apology to the abusive mother.

As for the ending, aside from the presence of the jawbreaker, the final scene is totally different—much more explosive and Hollywood, for sure.

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STREAM QUEEN: underground dwellers, a classic monster match, and a killer cult

My latest streaming marathon of indies was quite entertaining, so let’s get right into them.

IT CAME FROM BELOW (2021)

Just check this one out if you need a creature feature fix and are a fan of The Descent.

There’s nothing new here—a group of friends goes exploring underground tunnels, one of them is vulnerable following a personal loss, and then a creature starts tearing them apart. Yay!

It’s astounding to me that whiners on Prime say this is the worst movie ever, no one in it can act, it shouldn’t have been funded, no one should have agreed to work on it, they want their money back, blah, blah, blah. Everyone just wants to hear the sound of their own hatred for everything these days.

This movie may be a bit cliché, but there’s nothing bad about it beyond the lighting being a bit dark at times and the dialogue being too low to hear if you don’t crank up the volume. I found it to be a tight film with some good suspense and a wicked cool creature design.

Plus, there’s a little more going on here than just the creature…which, unfortunately also means we get less creature.

FRANKENSTEIN vs. THE MUMMY (2015)

I wasn’t aware that Damien Leone directed a film between All Hallows’ Eve and its spin-off Terrifier, so I was psyched to stumble upon Frankenstein vs. The Mummy. I wasn’t crazy about it being 2 hours long, and I stand by that after watching it, even though I enjoyed it.

A clever way to bring these two classic monsters together, this film has a male professor piecing together the monster with the help of a sleazy dude who brings him body parts, while a female professor, who happens to be his girlfriend, scores the university a mummy that needs human sacrifices to come back to life.

Both monsters are pretty damn freaky. Frankenstein reminds me of the vampire from Subspecies, and he even has a hot ass and, eventually, a nasty sense of humor.

Plus the kills are violent and gory.

Now here’s the problem. It’s not until after 50 minutes in that both monsters come to life, they don’t meet until 102 minutes in, and their fight is less than five minutes long!

My opinion…the movie should have been trimmed by 30 minutes, and 30 minutes of the remaining 90 minutes should have focused on Frankenstein and The Mummy beating the shit out of each other…

BAPHOMET (2021)

It’s about time someone made a movie named after the classic satanic symbol, it just doesn’t come into play in the film. Even so, this is one hell of a satanic cult film right from the opening sacrifice of a naked young woman.

Running only about 70 minutes long, it’s an odd little indie with absolutely no filler, and I give it props for that. A family is celebrating their daughter’s pregnancy when a man comes to offer them a load of money for their land.

The father refuses, and the family is immediately subjected to an onslaught of tragic events at the hands of the cult.

A pretty damn good shark attack scene is the last thing I expected in a satanic cult movie, but it’s the catalyst for the rest of the film, which involves a witch, a resurrection, a home invasion, and finally, a visit from a damn cool looking devil.

I’d say this one is worth giving a watch if you’re a fan of satanic cult movies and can appreciate indie films.

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STREAM QUEEN: a sausage fest, a killer bunny, and a Ouija sequel

I had a lot of fun, some fun, and no fun with this trio. Let’s find out why.

COLD FEET (2019)

What a treat to stumble upon an indie horror comedy that the hubby and I both enjoyed and that also lands on the sausage fest scares page.

Guys rent a house for a bachelor party, and as the owner gives them a brief tour, we learn that one of the dudes is gay…and is also the cutest of the bunch!

A stripper shows up to get the party started, and she has various successes and failures with each guy in the group during a montage—including a slow mo rejection from the mo…

The next morning the burnout drug dealer friend, who is also the funniest dude in the group, wakes everyone up to reveal that the stripper isn’t quite alive anymore, the house is haunted, and snipers are surrounding the place and shooting at them!

How the hell does all that come together? Quite brilliantly in this cleverly written little comedy, which also benefits from the performances of the actors.

It is most definitely a perfect, lighthearted supernatural comedy for a movie night with friends.

And hey, the gay guy doesn’t get naked, but another cutie gets shirtless, and his nipples are plump and delicious.

HAPPY LITTLE BUNNIES (2021)

This is a good one to add to the holiday horror page for a killer bunny marathon even though it doesn’t take place on Easter.

I will say right up front that the campy, gory kills and practical effects are the highlight from the very first death scene, which makes smart use of light, shadow, and an umbrella to introduce us to the bunny masked killer.

In between the kills the film focuses on a troubled dude talking to an equally troubled therapist.

Through flashbacks, they unpack how issues from their pasts and societal pressures fucked them both up, and try to come to terms with why they have urges to do awful things to people.

The dialogue definitely has its quirky, funny, and clever moments, but this film goes on for nearly 100 minutes, and conversation is the bulk of the runtime, so I personally found it burdened the pacing. I began losing focus and just started counting the minutes until the next awesome kill.

My absolute favorite death scene would have been an old standby: the glory hole. Of course that lands this one on the does the gay guy die? page.

However, that was overshadowed when the killer bunny man entered an S&M party in full swing for a campy massacre. Classic.

OUIJA: DEADLY REUNION (2021)

In European markets, several movies have been slapped with the title Ouija Experiment 3, but this is the official sequel by director Israel Luna, who made the first two films. This film is also known as Ouija Warehouse, but I prefer this title because the film reunites a couple of characters from the first movie.

That also makes this a confusing sequel. The second sequel is a meta movie in which actors from the first film appear as themselves. In this third installment a bunch of people setting up a birthday party in an old building find a Ouija board, use it, and bring back the actors from the first film…as the characters from the first film.

But that doesn’t even matter, because despite being an anal retentive, obsessive compulsive completist, I won’t be adding the final film in the trilogy to my collection (I seriously feel physically ill admitting that). This seems like a rushed, uninspired effort to release a new movie simply by clinging to past output. There’s nothing to be drawn from this movie for fans of the first two installments in terms of plot, scares, humor, or expansion of story. It’s virtually all dialogue and a handful of characters walking around a warehouse. No ghosts, no creatures, no kills. Nothing.

The highlight for me was a practice drag performance that ends with a suspenseful moment, but the queer content feels more forced than fluid as it usually does in Luna’s films.

 

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Still scraping the bottom of the 80s barrel

Once again I return to the 80s with five films that have landed in my personal collection in recent months. So let’s see what goodness the worst of the 80s turned up this time.

JULES VERNE’S MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND (1981)

Horror kings Peter Cushing and Paul Naschy in a movie together at last? Not quite. They are each in Mystery On Monster Island for about three minutes or less, and not in the same scene, but their joint presence was reason enough for me to add it to my collection.

The movie is about a young man who wants to travel before his upcoming marriage. So his uncle sends him to explore an island he just bought at auction, with an experienced professor as his traveling partner.

Soon the ship they are on is invaded by humanoid sea creatures! They are the only two to survive, and they end up stranded on the island.

They set up camp, and it is immediately established that the professor is the comic relief. So despite the pretty intense first scare scene with the somewhat goofy sea creatures on the ship, this is based on the writing of Jules Verne and more of a “family” movie for the most part…

See, the idea of two men stranded together on an island takes on a whole blue (boy) lagoon dimension for a young gay kid. I always loved how bare asses were okay in family movies when I was a kid as long as they were hanging out of loincloths on native tribal characters. And that’s exactly what we get here. The main guy and the professor spot cannibals about to indulge in native man they have strapped up. Yummy.

In an uncomfortably dated scene (and also oddly sexual), the two leading men save the native, he bows down to kiss their feet as thanks, he insists on being the professor’s servant, and the professor agrees to be his master to appease him. You’d never see that kind of “polite” racist shit happening in a movie these days.

The native joins their little party, and in the process immediately became a distraction for me for the rest of the film with his hot, barely covered bod.

The trio encounters a dinosaur, different humanoids from the sea, a giant caterpillar…all in the first half of the film.

The second half is much less exciting, and things begin to drag as the focus shifts totally to human enemies, plus the addition of a woman to their group. Blah.

THE SECRET OF THE MUMMY (1982)

This is an unbearable Brazilian…horror comedy? Exploitation? Soft core porn? I don’t know. Maybe something was lost in translation, but I didn’t find it to be funny, and it was a mess of spliced together, amateurish scenes. But it was in a cheap boxed set with a film I needed to complete my Paul Naschy film collection.

Feeling like it’s comprised of news footage half the time (often in black and white), this is the story of a mad scientist who finds a mummy and brings it back to life.

In flashbacks we learn this mummy was a pretty—to the point of looking kind of queer—and psychotic young prince that liked orgies and liked murdering young women during sex.

40 minutes in the mummy goes on a killing spree in what feels like a bad spoof of mummy movies.

And that’s in between raunchy sex scenes, including one involving a mouse used as foreplay and another that features actual tongue slathering over bush.

BLACK CANDLES (1982)

I’m a fan of director of Jose Ramon Larraz’s movies like Vampyres, Rest in Pieces, Edge of the Axe, and Deadly Manor. Even better, most of them are from the 80s, as is Black Candles. Therefore, I purchased the Blu-ray release without a second thought.

I guess every director is entitled to a miss. This one is it for me. Sex, depravity, and a satanic cult sound like a lot of fun, right?

Unfortunately, it’s all about the sleaze without any suspense or scares. That’s mostly because rather than try to escape the horrors that await, our main girl basically just goes with it until she is seduced to the dark side.

She comes with her boyfriend to the home of her missing brother. Little does she know that her sister-in-law has evil plans for her.

This is mostly two hours of sensual soft core sex, complete with a load of lesbian sex. Amazing how the devil always seems to be into lesbians but doesn’t have any interest in having guys bang each other at his orgies.

We get lesbian hand jobs, tit licking and squeezing, a “priest” going muff diving, boring hetero sex, and then a few heinous scenes, one in which a woman gets fucked by a goat—missionary style!—then lustfully licks its face, and one in which the cult anally impales a dude with a sword.

With so much sex going on, it’s hard to believe this film is so utterly anti-climactic.

THE POWER (1984)

I’ve finally completed my collection of Steve Carpenter horror movies, which also includes The Dorm That Dripped Blood, The Kindred, and Soul Survivors (his one dip into the new millennium), and I have to say—I do wish he had made more than three horror flicks in the 80s.

The Power is a total direct-to-video horror flick that delivers much of what I want from 80s horror, even if there is a drop in action in the center of the film and it tends to go off on tangents.

The opener rocks. A professor teaching students about an Aztec figurine is actually possessed by the figurine, leading to a wild levitation and impalement scene filled with fog machine atmosphere.

The figurine lands in the hands of students after they sneak into some building and play with a Ouija board, and then each of them begins to experience paranormal attacks in their rooms.

They also drag a female reporter into it and she begins having nightmares. But it’s her reporter boyfriend who becomes obsessed with and eventually possessed by the figurine.

The final act gets into good old skool 80s horror territory, with the kids again in some building (I had no idea what was going on at times), and the possessed reporter stalking them.

The money shot is a practical effects body mutation scene. There’s also a cheesy fun final frame ending.

THE SEVEN VAMPIRES (1986)

What a difference four years makes for the director of The Secret of the Mummy. This oddity delivers the direct-to-video nonsense we expected in the 80s, including musical performances, nudity, and even a variety of horror subgenres crammed into one plot.

It all begins with a botanist acquiring a man-eating plant from Africa.

When it does what it does best to him, his special lady becomes reclusive, gets bit by the plant, and then decides to produce a show at a club called The Dance of the Seven Vampires. Uh-oh.

As we begin to suspect the plant that we never see again has turned people into vampires, one of the detectives on a case concerning a rash of murders around town also believes vampires are on the loose.

So, if you stick with the vampire concept for a while, that eventually leads to a killer in a robe and mask!

WTF? This film ends up at a theater and suddenly feels like a slasher with a hint of The Phantom of the Opera thrown in just for the hell of it.

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Asian horror remade in the new millennium Part 1

As we move towards the 20th anniversary of the trend of Hollywood remaking popular Asian horror films—most notably The Ring and The Grudge—I decided to do some comparing and contrasting of a few of the lower profile adaptations. So let’s get started with Shutter. You should be familiar with at least one of the films before reading this post.

SHUTTER (2004)

I find the original Thai film to be creepier than the remake (no surprise there), but as always, I did find some changes in the U.S. version that either made sense or were more effective.

The original begins with our main male/female couple on their way home from a party at night. She’s distracted while driving and hits a young woman in the middle of the road. He convinces her to drive off.

He’s a professional photographer, and during a photo shoot at a graduation soon after, he sees a corpse of a woman standing among the students. In fact, all his photos get developed with weird streaks in them. He also begins to experience pain in his neck and shoulders that he assumes is from the accident.

Meanwhile, the girlfriend has a super creepy nightmare in a scene that so takes a page from Ringu. It involves a ghost girl climbing out of a water basin in her boyfriend’s dark room—black hair first, naturally.

And so the couple begins investigating the phenomenon of ghosts showing up in photos.

After another photo shoot at a studio, the guy experiences a visit from the ghost girl in a flashing camera light scene. Super scary and suspenseful but totally routine. He also has a nightmare in which he sees her with her eyes and mouth bleeding, but again it’s cliché.

The couple eventually learns several of his male friends have committed suicide, and he even witnesses one of them jump out a window.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend turns up a name of a young woman, and he is forced to come clean with her—he dated the girl while in school. She was weird, so he kept their relationship a secret, but eventually broke it off with her with the help of his friends.

The couple decides to go visit her to see how she’s doing, and during the ride he encounters a ghost girl again…clinging to the side of the moving car (thanks for the ride, lady!).

He also has a false alarm encounter at a rest stop in the men’s room stall with what I’m assuming is supposed to be a drag queen.

This is the really weird part of the Thai film. When they get to the girl’s house, they discover she has died and her mother has been keeping her corpse stashed away Norman Bates style. What the hell? They figure giving the dead girl a proper burial will rid them of her ghost so they throw her a funeral.

Fail! She ends up climbing into bed with them in a move right out of The Grudge, but the chase definitely did some damage to my mind.

First the bitch walks upside down on the ceiling, and then she scoffs at that pussy Sadako for using the stairs and instead takes a fire escape ladder down. Eek!

Meanwhile, the main girl gets more photos developed that reveal the ghost girl climbing up a bookcase in the living room, so she searches it and finds more photos to develop that reveal the awful truth, which the main guy then cops to when he comes home. His friends raped the girl he wanted to dump, and when he walked in on them they made him take pictures to use as blackmail if she didn’t leave him alone. So the girl eventually couldn’t live with that and committed suicide. There was no car accident ghost girl looking for revenge. Suicide ghost girl apparently just figured out how to be a road crossing ghost girl who gets hit by a car just for attention.

The big payoff is the main guy’s battle with her when he uses his camera around his apartment to try to see her. The big zinger photo reveals that she has been sitting on his shoulders the whole time. Struggling to get her off, he falls out the window.

He ends up in a mental hospital, his girlfriend comes to visit him, and we see in a reflection that the ghost is still with him.

SHUTTER (2008)

Naturally the U.S. remake casts two pretty people as the main couple—Joshua Jackson and Rachael Taylor. However, this film begins with them getting married and then flying off to Tokyo, where he lands a photography job—and so that a creepy Asian ghost girl can remain intact.

This is where I feel the U.S. remake totally fixed a whole lot just by altering one scene. Rachael is driving and hits the girl crossing the road at night. However, this time they get out and even call the cops, but there’s no body. This not only removes the stigma on both characters for driving away from the scene of a crime as established in the original, allowing us to empathize with them longer, but it also clears up that the girl crossing the road is already supernatural. In the original film, I seriously thought the girl they hit in the road was meant as a red herring to make us think that she dies and became the ghost haunting them, and the scene of her clinging on to the side of their car later on confused matters for me even more. That scene does not occur in the U.S. version, even though it is a goodie. Instead, we get a lame nightmare sequence of Rachael dreaming about the girl climbing on the front of her car, which also replaces the cool dark room nightmare scene from the original.

This film quickly Americanizes the plot, with Rachael being the one to suspect a ghost, Josh acting like she’s crazy even though he’s experiencing shit himself, and Rachael noticing some oddly suspect behaviors between Josh and his friends that clue her in to the possibility that he isn’t exactly who she thought he was.

The investigating about ghosts in photos is mostly the same, but Josh’s flashbulb ghost attack scene at the studio is a typical frenetic American take on the sequence that has about half the impact of the slow burn pace of the original scene.

When he reveals his past relationship with the dead girl, her story has changed somewhat. She isn’t painted as a pathetic girl he felt bad for. Instead, her father didn’t approve of their relationship, but then he died and she changed and became clingy. I actually like this tweak to the story, because in the original it seemed exceptionally cruel that the guy just secretly dated her out of pity and would even ignore her and mock her with his friends in public.

To up the “body count” for U.S. audiences, we see the main guy’s friends die. The first is subjected to an exploding camera attack.

The second does the window jump, happens to be Pam’s first man Roy from The Office, and takes the dive shirtless. Yay!

Next comes another major change that I much prefer. When they go visit the girl, she lives alone and they find her dead body. No mother storyline at all, a plot point I found to be just plain weird in the original. The decision to remove it here was clearly made later in the game by the filmmakers, because it is included in the deleted scenes on the Blu-ray.

The climb into bed with the couple is briefer, but it’s also less of a rip-off of The Grudge and tosses in some icky sexual elements just for the fun of it. However, the awesome hall ceiling chase and ladder scene are gone. Bummer.

Another minor change I like is that the developed photos of the ghost girl don’t simply lead to a bookshelf in the main room of the apartment; Rachael has to think a bit on it and determines that the ghost girl is leading her through a wall into the dark room. To give her a break after all that thinking, she doesn’t have to develop any film, because the photos of what happened to the girl are on an SD card in a camera.

Here the main guy is painted as much more of a vial human. He was actually in on the plans to take damning photos of the girlfriend, and the flashbacks of her being victimized are much more gut-wrenching than in the original.

The finale ramps up the battle with the ghost girl, and it is ridiculously over-the-top, with him frying himself with camera equipment in his effort to get her off his back.

And finally, the scene at the mental hospital is much more satisfying because Rachael is not there to visit his miserable ass. In a deleted scene she is present…but only to dump their wedding rings on his dinner tray before the nurse brings it in to him, which is just as satisfying.

I wish I could have covered Shutter One, the Thai sequel to the original that was released a year after the U.S. remake, but I was unable to locate it in any way shape or form to watch. Which means…my fricking collection of Shutter movies is incomplete on my shelves. Grr…argh.

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Return to The Island of the Fishmen

A while ago I blogged about the U.S. horror flick Screamers, released in 1981, in a post about movies featuring cameos by Cameron Mitchell, in which I referenced this original 1979 version of the film, although I had never seen it. The 81 version cuts out a bunch of stuff then adds a bunch more horror-oriented stuff, yet still runs ten minutes shorter.

THE ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN (1979)

Now director Sergio Martino’s original The Island of the Fishmen has been released on Blu-ray by Full Moon. It’s definitely not as much fun as Screamers because there’s less horror and gore and it suffers from some pacing issues. Plus there’s no Cameron Mitchell, who only appears in the pretty long opener added to Screamers.

The opener here, which comes later in the 81 version, is a reminder of how good 1970s horror did water creature scenes at night. Eek! They just weren’t afraid of dark water scenes back then. I, however, am, so I lightened the screen shots a little…

The plot starts with prisoners and a doctor escaping a sinking ship on a small lifeboat. The fishmen attack the boat, and the survivors end up washing up on an island. There are more attacks during the day in some swamps, and then the few survivors meet up with Barbara Bach, who invites them into the one house on the island.

The film loses its fear factor and mystery rather quickly as effective voodoo rituals and fishmen attacks are overshadowed by the logic of science (blah), and the fact that Barbara Bach can order the fishmen around like they are her pets.

Truth is humans are being turned into fish people by a mad scientist…to excavate treasure from the lost city of Atlantis (now found). In fact, the most gruesome moment in the movie has the doctor discovering a half transformed human.

Eek! This is the one scene that is better in the original than the enhanced horror cut, which basically just makes the discovered experiment look like the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

The big-eyed monsters are still really creepy cool in a rubber suit sort of way, but the original version of the film feels more action/sci-fi than horror.

THE FISHMEN AND THEIR QUEEN (1995)

Not so much a sequel as a reimagining, this film sees Sergio Martino creating a rewrite of the plot of The Island of the Fishmen and making a movie using loads of footage from the original film plus his 1983 film 2019: After the Fall of New York.

It’s a post-apocalyptic world, and a white kid and Black kid run with a crowd of survivors sick with radiation. When “warriors” on horses raid their warehouse, the boys get away and end up in a Mad Max car race.

Then they meet an old man who tells them about an island that they set off on a boat to find, taking the old man’s dog with them. The movie essentially goes from Mad Max to Huckleberry Finn to Dagon over the span of about 90 minutes.

On the island the boys go swimming and it’s very icky that the white kid, who may be fourteen or fifteen, is basically wearing a loincloth G-string. Then the boys meet a girl who is part of a female tribe on the island run by a “queen” that created and controls the fishmen with magic. And she is using them to excavate the lost city of Atlantis for treasure.

It’s a tween adventure film essentially, With the fishmen helping the kids defeat their evil queen (through spliced footage from the original movie).

The kids also use magic to turn a deformed Black servant dude in a mask into a handsome white prince. WTF?

And just when the film is almost over and you think it can’t be more of a mess…in comes the space ship. Sigh.

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It came from the 1970s…and ended up in my horror collection

I’ve gotten to the point where I feel I have to justify to myself why I keep adding crap to my horror movie collection, so pardon me if I do so as I cover the six films of various subgenres in this post. Let’s get into them.

TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS (1973)

Why did I buy it? It has Donald Pleasence and Joan Collins, and it comes from Freddie Francis, the veteran director of many Hammer films, as well as the Amicus anthology classic Tales from the Crypt. Unfortunately, I feel he totally misses the mark with this awful anthology. Perhaps these tales would have worked as short story fiction, but they fail to deliver chills or thrills in movie format.

Donald Pleasance is a doctor in the wraparound, explaining his patients’ issues to a colleague…

1st story – a young boy has an imaginary tiger as a friend, and hates that his parents fight all the time. You can guess where this one is heading. I feel like it has been remade in another anthology movie or television show, I just can’t recall which one.

2nd story – an antiques dealer inherits a haunted bicycle and a creepy portrait. Another lackluster tale.

3rd story – leave it to Joan Collins to star in the only worthwhile short here. She plays a woman whose husband brings home a creepy as fuck female human tree sculpture and plops it right in the middle of their (hideously “modern” 1970s) living room.

Joan becomes jealous of it and the battle of the branches—I mean—bitches begins. There’s eerie tree POV and a sexual dream sequence that may have been Raimi’s inspiration for the tree attack scene in Evil Dead.

4th story – a literary agent invites her new client to her home, where he seduces her daughter to lure her into some sort of sacrificial ritual. The guy wearing tight square cut shorts is pretty much the highlight of this story.

And finally the wraparound concludes with elements of the stories inflicting themselves upon the colleague being told the stories.

THE VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY (1973)

Argh! The only thing that absolutely kills this movie is the 70s fucking muzak score. Why the hell did they use this shit in so many horror movies? This is the same damn year The Exorcist blew the horror genre up and used Mike Oldfield’s chilling “Tubular Bells”—not even a dedicated soundtrack composition—to great effect.

Okay, now that I’ve got that out of my system, The Vampires Night Orgy landed in my collection because it is on a double feature disc with one of the Paul Naschy films I covered recently. I bet you assumed I was going to say because it has the word orgy in it. Suck it, because there aren’t even any orgies in this film.

It’s about a group of domestics traveling on a bus for a chance at new employment. When their driver becomes incapacitated, they detour to a small town that seems to be void of residents. They crash at a tavern and eventually a man shows up to explain that everyone was at a funeral.

As the group tries to figure a way to get back on the road, one by one they go off on their own and encounter weird locals in scenes with tight close-ups of their faces…which I can only assume was an inspiration for the film Dead and Buried from 1981. Although this lady looks kind of like one of the body thieves from Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol

Other terrors await as well, including a Paul Bunyan fucker with an axe who likes to hack off limbs, as well as a seductress vampire who looks like a cheap, worn out whore.

While it is a vampire flick, it also reminded me a lot of 2000 Maniacs. If it wasn’t for the shitty score, this would be a chilling little flick. I’d love to see it recut with different music.

MANSION OF THE DOOMED (1976)

Ah. The epitome of wonky 1970s horror. A mad scientist does eye transplant experiments after his grown daughter loses her sight in an accident.

It’s surprising that the U.S. title is so cryptic while the title in other countries spells it out—it was literally just called Eyes in some markets.

So this mad scientist determines he can transplant the eyes of living humans into his daughter to give her back her vision. Unfortunately, the effect doesn’t last long, soooo…he just keeps plucking eyes out of more and more victims.

It doesn’t get any more ridiculous than this, but adding to the insanity of nonstop eye replacements, he keeps the eyeless, very much alive victims locked in cages in his basement! WTF?

There is some eye gore to make us squirm, the post-op makeup effects are pretty cool, and there’s a creepy pedo-feeling scene when the doctor decides he needs to score young eyes from the park (it echoes the uncomfortable love between him and his daughter).

The highlight is, well, the final act and the zinger conclusion, which would have just as much of an impact if this were simply a 30-minute short in an anthology.

Notable is Mel from the TV show Alice as a detective, and an appearance by a young horror icon in the making…Lance Henriksen! But don’t expect to see him for long (or for him to see for long). Unfortunate considering he’s the reason I bought this one. Even so, it’s wacky 1970s horror enough for me to not regret the purchase.

THE SPELL (1977)

One of numerous Carrie rip-offs, The Spell is a made-for-TV film about an overweight girl, which is rather ironic considering the original Carrie was overweight in Stephen King’s novel. I picked this one up thanks to that damn mental condition called nostalgia—or maybe because I may have wished I had the main girl’s power when I was a chubby little kid.

This is a totally fatphobic flick, with everyone disliking the barely overweight girl, from the mean girls in the opening gym scene, to her sister Helen Hunt, to her father.

Only her mother, played by Lee Grant, seems to have some sympathy for her.

Unlike Carrie, this girl puts her powers to great use and relishes every moment of it.

If only she used the powers to get even more revenge than she does, this would be a fun movie.

Instead, short of the great and creepy performance by the main girl and one scene of a woman turning into a piece of smoking meat, this is a yawn fest until the final battle between mother and daughter, which gives the Carrie showdown a major rewrite.

THE EVICTORS (1979)

Charles B. Pierce, the director of The Town That Dreaded Sundown and The Legend of Boggy Creek, rounds out his 1970s thrillogy with what is sort of a home invasion film. It’s also kind of slow and only saved by Jessica Harper in the leading role.

How did it land in my collection? It was included as a bonus on The Town That Dreaded Sundown disc…which I just realized for the first time the other day when I was organizing my movie shelves. How long have I had this disc? I checked my Amazon order history. Eight years! Anyway, on to the film.

Occasional flashbacks in black and white (more like sepia) show a shootout between law enforcement and a family about to be evicted from their house.

Then Jessica Harper and her husband move into the house in full color. She gets slipped a snail mail note at some point telling her to “get out”, she is terrorized by some man who keeps lurking around the house, and there are a couple of creepy scenes of him chasing her in the house, including one that rips off the chase through the kitchen in Halloween.

There’s also one random kill of a guy…I guess because he’s Black.

There’s a twist at the end that explains what is really going on, but there’s also a totally missed opportunity to surprise the audience with a Norman Bates surprise.

What I’m saying is, the movie has its moments, but it could have been better.

THE DAY TIME ENDED (1979)

There’s so much bizarre shit going on in this cheesy little movie, yet I feel like a bunch of it got stolen and used in bigger movies in the 80s.

As there are reports of extraterrestrial explosions in the sky on the radio, a family reunites at the airport and then gathers at their desert ranch.

Within minutes, the daughter, played by the little girl from The Entity and The Amityville Horror, is hugging this big green glowing pyramid that appears outside. Then she sees a little alien on her bedpost. Then a little flying saucer floats outside her window.

Meanwhile, the grandparents see spaceships in the sky while they’re outside at night.

Eventually, little spaceships infiltrate the house and shoot lasers at the family.

Apparently the family is zapped into some other dimension, for when they go outside they are witness to stop motion claymation monsters fighting each other.

I can’t even begin to tell you how bad this movie is. That explains why Full Moon sent me a free full frame DVD of it when I ordered something else from them. That also explains why I then felt the need to purchase the damn widescreen Blu-ray remaster to replace it.

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NETFLIX AND CHILLS: start counting the bodies!

My latest Netflix triple feature delivered plenty of cheap thrills and gave me a horror fix for sure. Even so, they all have their issues and I’m not sure if I’d be compelled to add them to my personal horror collection. Let’s take a look.

A CLASSIC HORROR STORY (2021)

To make a cliché movie about movies being cliché and then even have a character point out that your movie is cliché only to continue being cliché is kind of unfathomable to me, yet…here we are. But, I guess it’s spelled out in the title, huh?

The purpose of A Classic Horror Story seems to be to spit in the face of all the anonymous armchair critics and horror fans online that make or break movies these days by making a movie that…checks off every box of every criticism you’re criticizing?

Whatever.

Tell me if you’ve heard any of this before. People in an RV get into an accident and one of them is hurt. They find a creepy cabin in the woods to shelter in.

They also find a car graveyard and freaky, blatant as hell signs of serious occult rituals and sacrifices. So…they remain in the cabin.

When they do try to leave, they can’t seem to get away from the cabin.

Every time a siren sounds as if Pyramid Head is about to show up and go Silent Hill on their asses, a cult appears looking for sacrifices.

One by one, the main characters are abducted by the cult and tortured and mutilated…without any graphic gore…which is a complaint that’s mocked in the movie. Fun.

And just when it looks like there’s a chance for escape, it becomes clear the police aren’t going to be of any help.

As you, the viewer, are mocked as the closing credits roll, take solace in the fact that you at least had fun making a list in your head of all the movies that seem to be hinted at in this film: The Wicker Man, Race with the Devil, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, every cabin in the woods movie ever, etc.

THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (2021)

Wahoo! This is just what I needed. Another typical teen slasher with sleek and stylish kills…that I’m totally going to complain about, thereby proving the makers of the previous film nailed it in mocking me.

There’s Someone Inside Your House starts off strong, with a suspenseful and brutal opening scene in which a male is the victim. And he’s a hunky jock. Yay!

Our main group of friends consists of people of various colors, a trans character, a privileged white kid, and even a gay football player (add it to the does the gay guy die list).

I haven’t looked at any comments about the film online, but I assume the anti-woke crowd is having a field day with a hate-filled tirade against this movie.

Other than them, I can’t see fans of sleek, post-Scream slashers of the late 90s and early 2000s disliking this film. It has excellent death scenes and a creepy concept in which the killer wears masks of the faces of the victims about to be killed. Eek!

There’s a deep dive into the characters by way of a party in which everyone’s dirty little secrets are revealed.

There’s also a fricking vent scene, and eventually a trip to a cornfield maze for the final act.

And that’s the problem. For a slasher, it’s all over the place instead of focusing on one location. It should have been called There’s Someone Everywhere You Go.

In a sense, this is also like the many teen slasher TV series these days that usually deliver on the kills but are also overburdened by teenage soap opera antics and tired motivation throwing shade at the youth of today.

NOBODY SLEEPS IN THE WOODS TONIGHT 2 (2021)

It’s crazy that only a year ago I posted about the first Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight, because I don’t remember a thing about it. So I checked out my blog to discover I really liked it and there’s a gay character.

The sequel picks up with the survivor of the first film in jail. The sheriff decides to take her back to the cabin to go over the details of what happened to all the victims.

That doesn’t go very well.

And so this turns into a total sequel mess, with a bunch of cops showing up at the cabin to be slaughtered by deformed humanoids in the woods. And just for the hell of it, some white trash and a prostitute also end up in the vicinity.

I honestly do not remember the “killer” being creatures in the first film, but basically this is a backwoods splatterfest that feels like Wrong Turn meets Hatchet.

There are loads of cheap thrills as victims are slaughtered and creatures leap through the air, and then the film just goes off the rails.

A female mutant turns a male human into a mutant by skull fucking him with her tongue. I don’t remember if that happened at all in the first film.

Following that, this turns into a campy meta movie as the fall in love, have sex, and she shows him the ropes of being one of these creatures. The best part of all this nonsense is that we get to see from the perspective of the “killer” as they plot ways to terrorize victims just for the fun of it before mutilating them. It’s all definitely kind of ridiculous, but it’s also a whole lot of popcorn and cherry cola movie fun.

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STREAM QUEEN: bunker creatures, space insects, school killers, and an anthology

It’s a foursome of flicks that bring all kinds of horrors. I can say for starters that I was never bored, so let’s get into them.

DEATH VALLEY (2021)

Matthew Ninaber, who plays the monster in Psycho Goreman, also plays the creature in this film. Not to mention he directs the film and he’s hot!

This is pure typical creature feature fun that totally delivers on the action and monster makeup. Sure the plot has been done again and again, but if you’re looking for cheap thrills, you get them right from the start here, and the film is really fast-paced.

A couple of mercenaries are hired to infiltrate an underground bunker to rescue trapped scientists. After an action-packed gun battle in the forest, the guys get to the bunker, and full Monty monster attacks kick in almost immediately. Yay.

The monster design reminds me of something from the Resident Evil video games. As it should, because this even feels like a Resident Evil game, complete with infected people. Not hordes of them, but enough to get the point across.

The guys team up with one female scientist still alive in the bunker and they try to fight their way out. The highlight for me is one of the main guys, who is perfectly realistic and funny in his reaction to every monstrous situation they get themselves into (I particularly appreciate his feelings about getting into a vent).

Oh, wait. There are two highlights for me…

If you like the Resident Evil/Doom type of movie and concept, definitely check this one out.

SÉANCE (2021)

If you love films featuring schoolgirls delving into witchcraft and the occult, like The Craft, The Woods, and 5ive Girls, then get ready for this…slasher. Not a spoiler. I’m just preparing you for what is really going on here.

Some students at an all-girl school try to summon a ghost by saying shit in a mirror, which leads to a tragic event. When a new girl shows up at the school, the same girls target her immediately. They all end up in detention, where they decide to do a séance. And then…

Suddenly there seem to be no other students in the school except for these girls, they start getting sliced and diced by a killer, they all know their friends are disappearing and they’re all scared, yet they all keep going off on their own alone at night to become the next victim.

That for me is the biggest problem with this otherwise engrossing film. Perfect example: when there are barely any girls left, one of the girls goes by herself to dance on the stage in the dark auditorium with fricking headphones on! Give me the knife. I’ll kill her myself just for being such a dumb ass.

The death scenes are suspenseful, the tone of the film brings to mind Argento’s Suspiria, the main girl is a tough brooding bitch who doesn’t take shit from the mean girls, and the final act takes an entertaining turn…followed by more turns to avoid a denouement that feels merely like a Scream copycat.

I liked it. I really liked it. But honestly, the ending is a mess of unrealistic, dangling plot points.

FUTURE FEAR (2021)

This is not what I was expecting at all, because it comes across as a sci-fi film at first. It’s actually more of an anthology film, with the wraparound focusing on an archaeologist in the future watching clips of different horrors of the past. So, we get:

  • a dude hires a prostitute, but a giant spider drops in—silly, but probably one of my favorite shorts in the movie

  • an encounter with some sort of cannibals
  • a science lab story

  • crazies chasing a dude through the woods
  • a crazy woman creating people in a shed

  • a freaky art house short of a public restroom crime scene

  • a young woman abducted from her house and locked away in a sleazy lair from which she tries to escape

Honestly, right from the start it seems as if there’s a glitch in the audio, because there’s no talking. At first, the hubby and I thought it was supposed to be part of a storyline. There was a group of people trying to avoid an unseen threat that we figured could hear them if they made noise. But eventually there were scenes in which lips were moving but no voices were coming out.

The most entertaining part for us was the commentary by the wraparound archaeologist in between stories. The hubby and I would look at each other like, what the hell was that, and suddenly she would pop up on screen and echo our thoughts by making comments out loud like, “I have no idea what I’m watching” and “there’s no frame of reference for this”. We laughed every time.

BEYOND WHITE SPACE (2018)

Beyond White Space is loaded with visual outer space eye candy for sci-fi horror lovers, and there is plenty of monstrous space stuff for horror lovers. There is also way too much going on.

It’s the future, and a team that scavenges in space for a living is out hunting in their space ship when they encounter what is referred to as a celestial dragon.

A female team member suggests that they should hunt the creature because there’s big money to be had in it.

That’s going to be harder done than said. They get everything thrown their way, which means so do we. Space pirates board the ship. Little alien insects crawl under human skin. Humans that get the little alien bugs under their skin turn into homicidal crazies. And watch out for that giant spider!

Is any of it related? I have no idea because nothing is really explained. The film would rather focus on action sequences and cool outer space scenes.

How do the space pirates get on board a space ship without being noticed? Why does only one person on board get infected by the little bugs? Why is there only one big space spider? Why do the men think they can leave the ship to fight a giant space centipede with nothing but space suits on? Are all these space critters of various sizes linked somehow? We’ll never know, so just watch it for the visual outer space eye candy and monstrous space stuff.

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