I’m on a Full Moon Features doll movie kick. What a way to liven up the dead of winter.
DOLL GRAVEYARD (2005)
Full Moon rips off its own Puppet Master series and blends it with a teen slasher and adds a splash of the 1980s classic The Gate. This 71 minute movie is about 62 minutes when you subtract the 10 minutes of credits. Perfect.
We begin in 1911, when a little girl is playing with creepy-assed dolls. She breaks one. Her evil daddy is pissed and makes her bury them in the yard. Little brat slips, falls in the hole, and dies…so daddy just buries her too!
Flash forward. New family living in the house. Kid digs up dolls in his backyard. Imagine what dolls would look like if they came out of the grave like 100 years after they were buried. Awesome.
So the kid’s older sister is having a get together with her girlfriends. Naturally, a couple of hot pricks arrive looking for sex. We are treated to a totally typical teen slasher that doesn’t make a mockery of itself; it stays mostly on the serious side. Sadly, there’s no nudity, but one guy with a bangin’ Abercrombie body does take off his shirt. Too bad it’s right before he’s the victim of a crotch kill.
DANGEROUS WORRY DOLLS (2008)
Forget doll horror movies. If you loved the 80s women’s prison exploitation film Reform School Girls, you’ll love this. Tough female inmates, sleazy hot male prison wardens, and some girl nudity and lesbian subplots.
As for the worry dolls? They could fit on a keychain. They’re supposed to take your worries away. So the lead chick wishes on them, one crawls into her ear while she’s sleeping then pops out of her forehead like that thing in From Beyond, and suddenly she becomes one evil, vindictive bitch.
This movie is all about the strap-on subplot. The strap-on is the star. You see more of it than you do of any dolls. Best sexual mind-fuck in a horror movie since Sleepaway Camp scarred me for life in 1983.
