Bad boys vs. evil girls

I’m already nostalgic for the new millennium decade because it brought back the fun of sexy scary 80s horror and teen films, two art forms that seem to be neglected these days. Teens today don’t know what they’re missing.

Mid-2000s flicks Mustang Sally’s Horror House and Succubus: Hell-Bent are loaded with cute horny boys…it’s the horror that needs a little fluffing.

MUSTANG SALLY’S HORROR HOUSE (2006)

Just hearing E.G. Daily singing the theme song to this film brings me back to her days as a soundtrack queen (Summer School, Thief of Hearts, Better Off Dead, The Breakfast Club, Scarface). Even better, she plays whorehouse madam Mustang Sally in the film! My E.G. worshiping blog is here.

A bunch of cute college types head off to E.G.’s whorehouse to get laid. In true teen film fashion, their road trip consists of sex talk and gay jokes. Wahoo! When they get to the whorehouse, they go off with their ladies and we are treated to loads of sexy foreplay before the first whore goes for the unhappy ending!

It sure is fun watching crazy bitches tie up and dominate a bunch of shirtless pretty boys, including scorching hot horror hunk Al Santos (Jeepers Creepers 2, Killer Movie, Speed Demons, Dead of Winter), before slicing and dicing them.

But eventually the film loses its way and becomes a redundant mess of guys and girls running around the woods half naked.

The twist revealing why these girls are after these boys would be a goody if only the film leading up to it was either more hardcore horror or delivered tasteless exploitation.

As is, Mustang Sally’s Horror House is a pretty lightweight film that becomes forgettable beyond its playful first half.

SUCCUBUS: HELL-BENT (2007)

Two hot boys head to Cancun for spring break—and catch a bad case of sexy dominatrix succubus!

Succubus: Hell-Bent seems like a no-brainer of sexy scary fun and horror comedy. And it starts as such, with our two boys having parties and scoring girls…while our succubus babe in leather seems to be set on taking out any bitch who gets between her and her mortal man.

But the plot goes horribly wrong, beginning with the ridiculous “Top Gun” sideshow. Our leading man is into flying so we are subjected to numerous flight scenes. Plus, you can forget a body count. Two murders is it, after which things slow down painfully for a ridiculously misplaced, serious turn.

There are also cameos by David Keith, Lorenzo Lamas, and Gary Busey, a trio of names that should come with some low-budget camp at the least. Nope. Worst of all, our succubus doesn’t turn demonic until the very last scene, so even she fails to steal the show. What a shame.