A high school horror double feature

It’s Haunted High vs. Tormented! Time for a big bloody student body count.

HAUNTED HIGH (aka: Ghostquake) (2012)

Sy-Fy quality Haunted High slaps together some familiar horror names, a school setting, a little occult ritual, and a couple of demon-ghost hybrids…all for the purpose of killing off a bunch of teenagers in violent ways. And really, isn’t that all that matters in the end?

The biggest WTF in this mess of horror clichés and haunted silliness that you can’t help but watch is the two-minute appearance of Charisma Carpenter as a librarian who basically says “is somebody there?” a couple of times before being killed out of the movie.

Hello? Is somebody there? And do you have my check?

Man, I’d love to know how much she got paid so they could have her name in the cast of this one.

Danny Trejo, on the other hand, is a big part of all the demon-raising shenanigans as the school’s janitor. As moody and mean as the characters he plays usually are, he looks like he can barely keep a straight face battling all the green screens in this one.

But hey. The kills and enemies are awesome and it’s just a random smorgasbord—bad GCI fire, exploding head, a killer knight costume, bleacher squish, dissected frogs come to life, green slime, death by workout equipment, death by crapper, trombone kill. How can you not keep watching?

There’s a main comic demon spouting one-liners, and in a better movie, his evil demon sidekick would be terrifying. She has a huge mouth and vicious evil teeth that could rip a hole in your soul.

Plus, she fricking crawls on walls! And in a refreshing move—the main guy and girl are white and black. Awesome.

Also in the cast is b-horror scream king Shawn C. Phillips, who actually makes a reference to the little demons in the 80s classic The Gate!

Plus, one of the teachers is played by the adorable leading man from the indie zombie flick Dead Men Walking, which I blog about here. But getting the most screen time in the film is the “ghostly form passing suddenly in front of the camera.” Dare I say it is done to death in Haunted High?

TORMENTED (2009)

Tormented is sleek scary supernatural slasher fun from start to finish, and even has some tragic moments involving bullying, which gives it a little more depth than your usual slasher. It also has an awesome soundtrack of alternative and electro dance tracks.

The main girl in the film gives a eulogy for a student who has died despite the fact that she doesn’t even know who he was. He was invisible to her. However, he knew very well who she was. He was in love with her. And she was friends with all the kids who bullied him.

Before you know it, the teens are being slaughtered by the corpse of this poor bullied kid. Awesome. A naked hottie is even towel whipped in the locker room. In fact, pretty boys abound, including Alex Pettyfer of I Am Number Four, Beastly, and Magic Mike.

They are just sweet, creamy icing on the creepy killer cake. I ordered the Tormented DVD as soon as I was finished watching it on cable. It’s a keeper.