WTF did I just watch? Honestly, this film is as whacked as its history. Apparently it was intended to be The Toolbox Murders 2. Then writers and directors were up in the air. Business issues came up. The sequel idea was scraped and the movie was finished with the title Coffin Baby. Then business got worked out and it was recut as The Toolbox Murders 2.
Honestly, the title Coffin Baby is probably better, because I…um…swear to God that this is a religious, anti-abortion film. Forget looking for a connection to the Angela Bettis movie (my blog here). Even so, I was totally looking forward to a macabre experience after the brief torture opener, which is followed by an awesome grindhouse montage of freaky footage during the credits.
As for the plot of the movie, a chick is put in a police car after her sister is killed…and then Coffin Baby smashes into the car and kidnaps her! So begins the countdown. We are actually shown Day 1, Day 2, etc. title cards in between scenes. And these days fly as the chick is in a cage in some underground lair watching Coffin Baby brings victims down to slaughter in front of her on a daily basis.
The Toolbox Murders 2 is gore-tastic, but in a sort of super professional haunted attraction kind of way. Essentially, it’s just a showcase of grisly slaughter effects that look great, yet you know are totally fake. There’s tons of repulsive shit, but none of it will make you cringe or look away, especially because there’s so much focus on it that you kind of grow numb to it.
Meanwhile, our main chick starts to lose it in her cell. By day 7, she’s sucking water off the floor. Day 8 – she eats cockroaches. Day 9 – she pukes. Day 10 – she eats a pan-fried woman. Seriously, the days are just single clips of these individual situations.
But Coffin Baby eventually starts torturing the main girl for no reason. And yet, he treats her to popcorn and lets her watch actual torture porn on TV—starring him. He piles dead bodies in her cell. She befriends them and talks to them. And then comes…the ghost angle?
A little girl and Bruce Dern appear to help the main girl try to escape. It might be supernatural, but more likely, they’re angels. Maybe the main girl is in purgatory for having an abortion, which seems to be implied, and the little girl might represent her unborn baby.
The main girl is crucified at one point. Bruce Dern makes her read the Bible and pray.
The little girl leads her to the light…and turns into a corpse in her arms once they get there. They sing a hymn together. I’m telling you. This movie is merely an onslaught of senseless deaths followed by an onslaught of senseless religion. As a bonus, Brian Krause, aka: Leo of Charmed, has a brief role as a detective. If only he was a playing a white lighter once again, this would all come together.
But it doesn’t. I have no idea what it all means in the end, and I can’t say this was a good movie at all. But there’s just something so fascinating about watching it that horror lovers should absolutely check it out.
Interesting. I’ll check it out.