STREAM QUEEN: these killer creatures bit, but not in the good way

There are pterodactyls, a croc, and dogs, but this wasn’t one of my best moments selecting movies for a themed triple feature, so let’s just get this over with.

TERRORDACTYL (2016)

It shocks me that Terrordactyl never found its way on to Sy-Fy. If you’re missing the bad monster movies of a decade ago that played on the channel regularly, this should give you a good fix.

The pterodactyls are actually way cooler looking than the CGI crap that slithers and flies across screen in Sy-Fy originals.

Basically this is like the pterodactyl cage scene from Jurassic Park 3 extended into a full-length buddy movie with a dose of Q: The Winged Serpent thrown in for good measure.

When comets streak to earth, a cute landscaping duo finds a small rock in a crater, and of course…it’s a pterodactyl egg! As the pterodactyls from outer space start overtaking their city, the guys team up with a couple of girls and a drunk hunter to battle them, because there’s literally no one else around. No civilians, no cops, no military.

There are plenty of fun action sequences with the pterodactyls, some unique and humorous situations, and the cast is quite likable.

The only downside is that the comedy writing is so generic that there’s really nothing the cast can do to make it funnier, no matter how much they try. It barely made the hubby and me laugh at all.

THE POOL (2018)

I’ll start off by saying this entire movie about a couple trapped in a drained pool with a crocodile is metaphorically and blatantly an anti-choice propaganda film.

Visual symbolism of birth canals, eggs, and babies abound. Meanwhile, I didn’t add these captions; this is the dialogue.

Having said that, it’s also so ridiculous from start to finish that I couldn’t believe I kept watching it, especially since it wasn’t even vaguely suspenseful or scary. And as usual, keeping the CGI croc moments in proportion was a big fail, so the croc regularly looks like it changes size.


Now where did I put that tape?

Things begin with numerous perfectly timed coincidences that blow the couple’s opportunities to get out of the pool right away.

It’s astounding how little the croc, trapped in there with them, bothers to go after its only food source…them. And wait until you see the dude pick the croc up by its tail and throw it across the pool.

Yes, what I’m saying is you have to see this movie. You just have to see it to believe it. The bonus is that the leading man is super sexy and super shirtless.

Just be warned—there is a totally unnecessary occurrence involving a dog at the very end of the film.

THE BREED (2006)

Speaking of awful treatment of dogs, I’m only covering this one because it’s on a double feature Blu-ray set I bought for the other movie. I had seen parts of this on cable years ago, and it’s just not my thing.

Basically it’s Night of the Living Dead with wild dogs. Michelle Rodriguez and a bunch of her friends come to stay at a house on a deserted island and are soon being hunted down by a pack of dogs that is as smart as the sharks in Deep Blue Sea.

The group boards up windows and tries to figure out a way off the island…because the dogs have managed to make their sea plane float away from the dock.

While there’s action, gore, and suspense, being a dog person, I’m just not into watching people killing one dog after another to the strains of that awful dog yelp sound. No thanks.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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