Before I get to Quad X: The Porn Movie Massacre, I must briefly cover the “prequel,” Quad X: Rise of the Beaver Slayer.
QUAD X: RISE OF THE BEAVER SLAYER (2014)
This first film is not a horror comedy, it’s strictly a porn industry mockumentary. There are adult actresses dealing with petty jealousy and insecurities (catfights!), and a religious wingnut couple trying to destroy the industry, but Rise of the Beaver Slayer also focuses on the men. Wahoo! And even though this is straight porn parody, there’s so much gay stuff going on it’s not even—actually, it’s way funny. Rise of the Beaver Slayer introduces us to all the man meat that will be dead meat in the next film….
Veteran porn star “Hard Rocket” is hot and he knows it. He also has some major homosexual tendencies (as in, he tends to swallow, which he demonstrates magnificently).
Redneck porn star “Beaver Slayer” has a huge dick, but is having virility issues. He’s also willing to do gay porn and admits that being in jail almost made him gay. Finally, there’s crewman Sugar Bumps who, despite his name, doesn’t quite realize he’s gay.
Much of the footage from this mockumentary is featured in The Porn Movie Massacre, but there are also plenty of exclusive gay gags (including Hard Rocket flexing his gag reflex).
QUAD X: THE PORN MOVIE MASSACRE (2014)
The Porn Movie Massacre is like another porn documentary—with a killer delivering the money shots, slasher style! If you are in any way a prude about porn, or horror with a sexual theme, just move on. I’m staying put.
While you might expect a porn-themed horror film to be all about the naked women, you’d be so wrong this time. The Porn Movie Massacre has plenty to offer a gay horror fan, taking a deliciously open approach to sexuality.
Naturally, the obnoxious religious duo is back, speaking out against sex; we just love to hate them and love when they’re mocked (and can’t wait for them to die). As for the babes in the film, they’re all perfectly bitchy, embrace their slutty ways, and are usually topless. However, there are black censorship bars going across their tits! It’s a running gag throughout both this film and Rise of the Beaver Slayer. Sorry, straight boys!
But good news, gay boys. Our studs Hard Rocket and Beaver Slayer once again talk about the gay-for-pay porn they’ve done. Hard Rocket is always shirtless and drops to all fours—completely naked—practically on command. That’s right. We get more male nudity than female nudity. Thank you, Hard Rocket. Dang, is Hard Rocket sexy. And he’s been acting since fricking Sigmund and the Sea Monsters in the 1970s. That means I’ve been watching him since he was just a little boy. Of course, so was I. Actually, we’re pretty much the same age. Hot.
Okay, enough about Hard Rocket (even though I’m still thinking about him and that fine ass). Sugar Bumps has come to terms with his sexuality—but has gone on to marry a female porn star. It makes for some great comic moments…especially a scene in which the killer bargains with them; if Sugar Bumps can get it up for his wife, their lives will be spared. Prepare to LOL, ROFL, and all that good stuff.
Not to be upstaged by Hard Rocket’s ass and Sugar Bumps’ pussyphobia, the killer delivers some great quips as well…and also has one hell of a nasty weapon: a drill dildo (drilldo?). Oh yeah, this isn’t all farce. There’s plenty of blood being pumped on screen. And speaking of, wait until you see how Beaver Slayer saves his own life…using his horse cock.
Hell, if I hadn’t already seen The Porn Movie Massacre, I totally would have sold myself on it by now. And it’s totally going onto my Die, Gay Guy, Die! page of mainstream horror that dares to take a backdoor approach….
