ROBERT is a true patriot—hates Nazis and Russians

To think that in just a few years, Robert spawned nearly as many sequels as it took Chucky 4 decades to star in.

ROBERT (2015)

The first film begins with title cards telling us this is based on true events. Very Annabelle.

Robert is quite creepy—kind of a mix between the Magic dummy and Chucky’s trans son. The atmosphere is pretty dang good, but overall, a killer doll movie doesn’t get any more generic than this. It’s definitely serviceable for fans of this subgenre who don’t mind endless clichés, and at times the tone and style actually remind me of Alice, Sweet Alice, but the body count and gore are minimal. Plus, Robert isn’t very animated. It’s one of those cases of show the doll, show the weapon, show the victim reacting.

Plot: a family fires their maid, who gives Robert to the young son as a parting gift. The boy starts blaming all the strange occurrences that begin happening on the doll. Mom becomes convinced the doll is evil. Everyone thinks she’s crazy. People begin dying. Mom learns the truth about the doll from a previous family that suffered the consequences of having it in their house.

The big “battle” with Robert is so anticlimactic it’s virtually nonexistent, and the final frame is right out of Halloween IV.

THE CURSE OF ROBERT THE DOLL (2016)

This was the first Robert film I saw, and I blogged about it previously. I originally said I wasn’t going to get OCD and force myself to watch all the Robert movies. Obviously I was lying to you and me, because here we are. So I’m moving the blog about this one here to join the rest of the Robert party.

This is the hack & slash trash blast I want from my killer doll movies.

Yep, truth is not better than fiction. Robert now ends up in a museum at the same time as a young woman who comes to work the nightshift. While she’s busy falling for the cute security guard…

Whoops! I mean…

…creepy Robert begins to leave signs that he isn’t exactly sitting still in his display case.

If you’ve devoured every Chucky movie, just spare yourself any criticism and watch this shit. Robert lurks in dark shadows and fucks people up good. That’s all that matters in a fucking killer doll movie. That and some good jump scares, which Robert delivers the second time around.

ROBERT AND THE TOYMAKER (2017)

What would possess a killer doll franchise to do the whole Nazi prequel backstory??? This shit was done with the Puppet Master movies and it ruined the franchise.

After the ridiculous slasher fun of part 2, trying to be this serious with a period piece just bites. The whole first part of the film feels like Inglorious Bastards as Nazis mind fuck a family harboring a man who is trying to keep an occult book out of the Nazis’ hands.

Eventually, after loads of talking, the book ends up with a toymaker. He reads spells from it and all his dolls come to life, including Robert.

The Nazis then abduct him, and for the last 20 minutes, they torture him until the dolls come to save him. When will filmmakers realize that Nazis being terrorized and slaughtered is not scary? That’s like trying to convince me that Antifas are the bad guys when they beat up inbred mommy’s basement dwelling incels that march in the streets with weapons and torches to spread messages of hate and white supremacy.

THE REVENGE OF ROBERT (2018)

I cannot fathom why they would continue the damn Nazi story. Nazis still looking for the book. Toymaker gets on train to escape them and gives a girl ghost his whole life story in flashbacks. WTF? We don’t need a prequel about the guy who brought Robert to life!

Not to mention, the meat of the plot only begins after forty fucking minutes of other characters talking. Finally, with 14 minutes left, Robert kills approximately one Nazi. WTF?

The only reason this installment matters? The maid from the first movie has a confrontation with the toymaker in 2012, and he’s the exact same old man he was in the 1940s…

Gotta give some credit to the creepy Robert theme song sung by children.

ROBERT REBORN (2019)

Someone make it stop. Time to accept that you’ve run out of ideas for your franchise when you essentially remake your last sequel, moving it from the 1940s to the 1950s, from Nazis to Russians, and from a train to a plane.

The Russians want the book from the toymaker because they believe it can be used to save Stalin after he falls ill. Again, about forty minutes of mostly talk before we even get on the plane.

Just like Puppet Master, there are a few new fun dolls introduced, but it’s the usual—doll wields weapon, blood splatters on wall, we see victim on floor dying.

And again, just like Nazis, I don’t give a shit if Republicans—uhm…Russians—are terrorized and hacked up by killer dolls.