I want my Murder Television?

Back when the uber obnoxious reality show My Super Sweet 16 was popular, MTV decided to cash in on our hatred of those spoiled little c-words and make a slasher franchise in which they all get slaughtered!

MY SUPER PSYCHO SWEET 16 (2009)

I can’t deny it. My Super Psycho Sweet 16 is a good fricking slasher, combining the best of early 80s slashers and sleek Scream-era slashers.

The story is simple. 10 years ago, a roller rink was closed down after Skye witnessed her father kill a bunch of kids. For authenticity, the flashback comes complete with Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” and Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie.”

Now, Skye is living with her aunt and somewhat of an outcast, although the adorable ex-boyfriend of Madison, the most popular girl in school, is suddenly into Skye. And Madison is insisting that her daddy reopen the old abandoned roller rink for her sweet 16 party. Yeah. There’s nothing good about this scenario….

The first film is loaded with good kills and gore, a masked killer, a couple of awesome chase scenes, the necessary bratty kids, and tons of homages to the original Prom Night and Carrie.

Keep an eye out for popular girl Madison’s mother, because you’ll never hear her. She’s present but doesn’t have a single line in the movie, despite it being about her daughter’s big day.

In the end, Skye drives off into the night…in what was supposed to be Madison’s birthday gift. They could so have left this as a stand-alone movie. But alas….

MY SUPER PSYCHO SWEET 16 2 (2010)

In an absolutely ludicrous plot turn, Skye goes to find her mother, who gave her up to the aunt after dad killed all those kids at the roller rink a decade before. Mom is remarried, has a Renee Zellweger looking daughter named Alex who is nearly Skye’s age (the seeming time plot hole is explained later but still makes for a questionable timeline), and is pretty quick to let Skye move in.

Seems that despite all the people who died at the sweet 16 party in the first movie and the killer still being on the loose, authorities have not come looking for Skye to question her. But her remaining friends from the first movie are on the hunt for her.

Meanwhile, Skye’s newfound sister Alex is throwing a party…and it just happens to be on the day of Skye’s sixteenth birthday! Yeah, it’s that bad. The masked killer is back. Kids start getting killed, but this time, the blood isn’t red. It’s chocolate syrup brown. There are no chase scenes. There’s another homage to Carrie. And eventually, mom and daughters have to face off against dear old crazy dad.

MY SUPER PSYCHO SWEET 16 3 (2012)

Nope. That’s not Renee Zellweger staring down Carly Rae Jepsen. It’s the My Super Psycho Sweet 16 siblings!

Oh brother. Or rather, sister. Skye and Alex haven’t spoken in two years because Alex blamed Skye for getting her friends and family killed. But when Skye arranges a ride to college with another chick, she gets a call from Alex. Alex wants to see her before she leaves. So Skye and her new friend drive to Alex’s house in the middle of nowhere. Guess what? Alex has a bunch of friends over and she’s throwing her sweet sixteen party!

Suddenly, they’re all locked in the house and people start to die at this private party. And just when you think the killer is the most obvious person, there’s a twist and it’s someone else. Then there’s another twist and it’s just who you assumed it would be from the beginning.

Part 3 is at least campier, the kills are better, there are a couple of good chase scenes, and plenty of catfights. There’s also a nice tidy, happy ending, so hopefully there won’t be any more sequels.

Although, more sequels would mean more pretty boys: