Splatter Beach – humanoids from the cheap!


The Polonia Brothers bring their special brand of cheesy, no-budget indie film making to a creature feature inspired by Jaws, Humanoids from the Deep, and Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Splatter Beach has that classic shot on video look—and even references the real 80s Polonia Brothers film Splatter Farm. It’s got a ridiculous rubber monster. It has underwater scenes that look like they were shot in a pool. It has fun cartoon opening credits. It has Laugh-In inspired dancing girl interludes set to surf rock.

And it has a plot. Kids go to a beach house where people have been disappearing. People continue to die at the hands of the creature until someone eventually kills it and we get a hatching egg final shot that promises a sequel.

On top of all that, a bodybuilder works out constantly on the sunless beach; he seems like a total homophobe but has a thing for Hercules movies and talks regularly about gay sex. A dude smoking pot sees naked cloud chicks in the sky. There’s fart humor. There’s plenty of bad gore consisting mostly of buckets of blood being tossed around.


And finally, there’s an all-out creature invasion and suddenly there are a lot of people on the beach, which was literally deserted throughout the entire movie aside from the homophobic bodybuilder. And he becomes one of the heroes. And there’s a lesbian twist!

If you only see one low-budget sea creature movie from the past decade, it should be Richard Griffin’s Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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