This time around, it’s Captain Hook, Popeye, and the Disney princesses. Let’s get into my latest themed marathon.
HOOK (2025)
The villainous pirate from Peter Pan becomes a modern-day psycho killer in this play on the classic children’s story.
Would you believe Hook is a murderous drug pusher? He escapes his arrest and decides to target the grown daughter of Peter and Wendy, who are now married.
The daughter is having an all-girl birthday party at a secluded house, and there’s even all-girl sex action.
Hook scores himself a hook for his hand and goes on a murder spree. It’s as templated as a slasher gets and as ridiculous as a slasher adaptation of classic characters gets.
It also has good kills, some blood, screaming girls, a killer with a hook for a hand, and Hook pushing his magic pixie dust on victims. That’s about all I could ask for or expect, so I was entertained.
POPEYE’S REVENGE (2025)
This horror take on a classic cartoon character comes from William Stead, director of the gay vampire flick Children of the Night. However, there’s nothing gay about this one. Well…not literally.
It should come as no surprise that this is the most basic slasher formula, and is that ever really a bad thing? In fact, much of this movie ends up feeling like Friday the 13th…with Popeye.
We get an illustrated opening story about how Popeye, a deformed child, supposedly drowned in a lake years ago, but his body was never found.
Now, a group of friends comes to stay in the house Popeye lived in, which burned down and got rebuilt. The fricking house with a creepy past is a fraud!
The film is loaded with dark, foggy woods at night, kills are violent and bloody, and evil Popeye is pretty cool. He’s big and ominous and doesn’t look much like his silly arm muscles are fakes. His weapon of choice is an anchor, playing off his iconic arm tattoo.
Typical character hijinks ensue, mostly sex, which is a pleasant return to form for a slasher. Besides a couple of shirtless guys, there’s a scene in which Popeye cops a good feel of big girl tits in a hot tub, which makes sense. After all, Olive Oyl is a twig with no titties, so naturally he couldn’t resist finding out what some big ones feel like.
Definitely watch it for the kills. The ending gets a little weird as the final battle includes the backstory shifting away from Popeye a little!
FAIREST OF THEM ALL (2025)
This devious little flick takes the most famous “princesses” and pits them against each other in fights to the death, and it’s all presented with a dark edge—the way fairy tales were meant to be experienced.
The Mad Hatter abducts Ariel, Belle, Alice, Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, killing any of the men that love them and get in the way while he’s at it.
That is because he wants to take one of the princesses as his bride. The catch is, the girls will determine which one of them it is. Her wedding gift? The gift of getting to live.
The girls go off for death matches while The Mad Hatter and the other ladies watch through some sort of supernatural lens that is hovering just out of sight over the table.
The opening abductions and kills of princes are actually more fun than the cat fights. Also, Sleeping Beauty comes across as a violent, alcoholic nut, so she’s a load of fun, and Ariel has a somewhat monstrous appearance, so she was another fave.
Eventually, the Mad Hatter gets in on the game, a decrepit fairy godmother intervenes, and any dead princesses come back like they are the Disney Undead to settle the score.
Silly flick, but the doses of camp and viciousness, along with the dark tone, make it entertaining.
