Forget Critters, Ghoulies, and Gremlins…blood gnomes are here to ruin your sex life!

I swear. I did not intentionally buy Blood Gnome! This one came in a triple pack with Spliced and the amazing Satan’s Little Helper. But I still liked the hell out of this sleazy piece of little monster trash!

This film has so much going for it. It’s directed by John Lechago, who directed Killjoy 3 and Killjoy Goes to Hell (and yes, I say that like it’s a good thing). It stars this dude named Vinnie Bilancio, who shamelessly does dozens of z-grade horror flicks. It features incredibly erotic scenes of BD and SM with a whole lot of yummy man flesh exposed as well as female T&A. And there are these awesomely freaky gnomes that come out and get you when you break flesh during hardcore sex encounters.

That’s the plot of Blood Gnome. Amazing! This movie has balls to go there! On top of that, Vinnie Bilancio plays a detective who has this video camera that not only takes photos through women’s clothing, it also captures the invisible gnomes on film!

I’ve seen a lot of people online refer to this as softcore porn. They clearly haven’t seen much softcore porn. Sure, the film is loaded with sexual situations, because the fricking gnomes are attracted to sexual situations. But while there is nudity, there is no simulated intercourse. It’s all about bondage and whipping—and every “sex” scene ends with blood and gore! It’s an ADULT horror film, not a softcore porn.

So Vinnie Bilancio gets sucked into the BD/SM community because he knows that’s the only way he can get the gnomes to come out and show themselves so he can film them and prove that they exist—because everyone thinks he’s crazy. Unfortunately, he’s falling right into the mother gnome’s trap….

It might all sound cheesy, but I really liked the concept and the blood gnomes look pretty damn freaky for a no-budget flick filmed in 12 days. The ending is a total blood bath and the horror segments of the film are incredibly satisfying—as are all the sexy guys, from lean and muscular to leather daddies (including wrestler Al Burke). Plus, Julie Strain has a cameo and bring along her bodacious ta-tas. Oh yeah. This is definitely a good trashy Dan movie of sex and horror.

I wonder if the blood gnomes would agree to a safe word….