David DeCoteau’s Horror Divas are a triple threat

Back in the 1980s, David DeCoteau used to work with b-movie scream queens like Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer in crap classics like Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Nightmare Sisters. Then, in the 2000s, he began making gay baiting voyeurism films masquerading as horror films. But now, DeCoteau has gone back to his roots, taking a dip in the diva pool with these three films…

1313: Cougar Cult

Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer star as three cougars—literally. They use magic and spells to bring all the boys to the yard—actually, to the poolside—then shapeshift into roaring, hairy she-beast—but not really.

Unfortunately, 1313: Cougar Cult is just another DeCoteau male solo video with the three scream queens filling in the gaps. When the women turn into “cougars,” they snarl and raise their claws, there’s a burst of cheesy 80s special effects lightning like something out of Xanadu, and then a still shot of a real cougar head appears over the ladies’ faces.

As for the cute boys, there are a few shower scenes, one guy gives another a back rub while they are in their undies, one boy hoses down his rippling body by the pool, and one tosses and turns in his bed in his undies while Michelle and Brinke rub his body.

And finally, a trio of boys fights magic with magic to take the ladies down with cartoon lightning bolts.

3 SCREAM QUEENS

Linnea, Brinke, and Michelle are back in a voyeurism movie that at least has slasher in-jokes and plays off the concept of this iconic trio of horror divas going up for the same role. They show up at a theater for an audition and are instructed by an unseen man named “Bosley” (Charlie’s Angels reference I assume, even if it was Charlie, not Bosley, who was the disembodied voice) to watch a slasher film. The scream queen who comes up with the best ending for the film will get the part.

The trio’s catty quips are the best part of the film. Other than that, they sit in a movie theater to watch the “slasher,” which consists of endless scenes of shirtless boys jogging, arriving at the same modern estate used in all DeCoteau’s movies, and taking showers while a “killer POV” roams the halls.

It’s a great title for a film featuring these 3 Scream Queens, but DeCoteau just falls back on his old tricks. What makes this perv flick a little more interesting than the others is the FULL frontal shower scene of a hottie with a big dick that he even pulls on a couple of times. Dare I say, DeCoteau is getting ballsy? So ballsy that the guy even turns around, spreads his cheeks, and shows off his gaping hole, making it very clear how he got the part….

KNOCK ‘EM DEAD

Finally, DeCoteau delivers a pretty cohesive horror film with absolutely no pretty boys in it. But there are loads of black divas! Knock ‘Em Dead finally has DeCoteau taking a campy horror turn like he used to before he began releasing his private fantasies on DVD. This black horror film includes an awesome cast:

Rae Dawn Chong (an 80s fave from Tales from the Darkside: The Movie)
Debra Wilson (Scary Movie 4, Asylum)
Anne-Marie Johnson (In Living Color and tons more)

Phil Morris (soap opera hottie, Devil in the Flesh)
Jackée (227 diva)

EEK! A whitey!

Betsy Russell (another 80s fave, in the Saw franchise, Camp Fear, Cheerleader Camp)

Finally a DeCoteau film with a real man…sort of.

Christopher Judge (Stargate hunk)

Omarosa (The Apprentice)

Coming up with a better plot than given to the babes in 3 Scream Queens, three former horror divas who all hate each other are brought to a mansion to meet about a sequel to a hit slasher they starred in years before. Thanks to the acting chops of the ladies, there is a delicious bitch fest as they try to cut each other down with words. It’s definitely awesome…at first. Unfortunately, it goes on way too long before someone finally puts a stop to it about halfway through the film.

Subliminal gay stuff: a black dude being choked by a big black snake.

Once we actually get on with the movie, it turns into a traditional whodunit scary house flick, complete with a masked killer murdering the cast one by one…in the same ways victims were killed in the movie the ladies made years before! Now it’s up to them to turn the tables on the killer…who totally rox during the big unmasking scene.

Sure it’s a bit cheesy, but Knock ‘Em Dead is the smartest film that David DeCoteau has made in decades—because it’s actually an homage to horror films and not a gay fantasy film. It’s like a horror comedy comfort movie from back in the eighties. Now if only he’d make an equivalent flick for Linnea, Brinke, and Michelle.