A triple feature of humor, horror, and hotties….

And they all deliver varying degrees of each. I look at Ninjas vs. Monsters, Stag Hunt, and The Walking Deceased.

NINJAS vs. MONSTERS (2012)

While watching Ninjas vs. Monsters, I discovered it’s the third in a trilogy, following Ninjas vs. Zombies and Ninjas vs. Vampires. Considering this one fills you in and also features both zombies and vampires—along with Frankenstein, a mummy, a werewolf, and more—you don’t have to see those to appreciate it. But if you end up totally digging this indie action monster comedy like I did, you might just want to seek them out.

The plot is pretty much what it seems; an eclectic and skilled bunch of fighters takes on (a sizzling hot) Dracula and his monster minions.

The ninjas are a mix of males and females and some of them have special powers, such as healing and magic. Despite the film having little in the way of plot beyond the ninjas having to either defeat the monsters for good, the charismatic cast gets plenty of screen time to make you actually connect with their personalities…and hope they don’t die in battle!

Speaking of a charismatic cast, the variety of cute guys is delicious. There’s a little taste of every type. I love boy buffets. Even the fricking mummy eventually turns into a muscle mummy! And he looks to be a bottom…

On top of that, not only does the cast know how to deliver quick horror geek humor at lightning speed, but this is one athletic bunch. These guys do all their own martial arts stunts and they are phenomenal. The movie is pretty much made up of nonstop action scenes, so even if you aren’t a fan of low-budget films, it’s easy to get sucked in by all the impressive stunt work. Wow.

And finally, despite it being a low-budget film, the effects, from magic bolt battles to the monster makeup, are fantastically polished. Kudos to these guys for pulling it off—and daring to plow ahead and make not one, but three films. If a producer had thrown some good money behind their projects, I’ve no doubt the films would have gotten a huge following.

And finally, one of the lead actors totally looks like Burt Hummel on Glee….

STAG HUNT (2015)

It’s unfathomable to me how a movie with such a promising premise could go so horribly wrong. Four cute guys head into the wilderness for a boys’ weekend to celebrate the upcoming wedding of one buddy, played by MacKenzie Astin, who has grown into quite a cutie since his days as the annoying shark-jumping kid on The Facts of Life.

These four spend an hour hiking through the woods to hokey banjo music and talking more than a bunch of chatty girls at a slumber party. AN HOUR. Call it character development, but it’s essentially made up of the arrogant asshole in the group verbally abusing the “fat” guy in the group. Despite the movie going for a “comedy” edge, any hints at humor are destroyed by this nastiness.

Then there’s the weird “gay” vibes the asshole character gives off (he could easily play the role of a bitchy queen), even being called “sexually repressed” by the fat guy. Instead of actually going for it and fully developing that angle, which would have given his damn character some dimension and the horror-free movie an interesting twist, the film instead drops it completely and leaves any reference to his sexuality as pure insult.

Even the long-winded farting contest fails to make us feel comfortable in the comedy zone. Which is why it’s so weird that after an hour, the humor is fully introduced during the most vicious attacks by the “legendary” wilderness beast, which proves to be nothing more than a black panther, of which we only get brief glimpses. It goes something like this….

Not that the humor isn’t funny, because it is, but is completely out of place considering things have suddenly (finally) gotten horrific and tense. WTF? And to make matters worse, **SPOILER** none of the guys die! There’s just something painfully pointless about this entire fiasco.

THE WALKING DECEASED (2015)
(aka: Walking with the Dead)

I was psyched to see The Walking Deceased for a couple of reasons. First, I love my zombedies. And second, adorable comedian Dave Sheridan (A Haunted House 1&2, Scary Movie, The Devil’s Rejects) was featured in promo stills as a sheriff…in his underwear.

What I didn’t expect was for the movie to be a spoof film. Much of the cast here was also in a spoof flick called Supernatural Activity.

And while the film pokes fun at many modern zombie films and shows, such as The Walking Dead, Warm Bodies, Dawn of the Dead, Strippers vs. Zombies, Zombieland, and Shaun of the Dead, just like all those other horror spoof films, it’s funny for a while but eventually starts to wear thin. So you should go into it knowing what to expect. And here’s what you can expect….

Dave Sheridan is the reason to watch this movie. First of all, he does a dead-on Rick impersonation as the sheriff. But more importantly, that still of him in his undies is just a taste of the goods he delivers. I love a man who will do anything for his comedy.

Looks like Dave was advised by a power bottom on how to pose as he performs a slapstick routine of trying to pull on his boots in nothing but a hospital gown. Wow. And you don’t have to wait very long to see this magnificent “comic” performance. It all happens within the first ten minutes.

I say Dave should get out of the comedy business and go into gay porn. That man knows a thing or two about arching his back. Extra kudos to Dave for putting it all out there because he had to know some pervy obsessed gay fan was going to go to the trouble of freeze-framing his musky goodness and posting it on the Internet. So excited it was me.