Many horror fans remember the 1977 movie The Sentinel, most likely because the freaks in the attic with the blind old priest scared the bejesus out of them. What few remember are the evil lesbians…and the leading lady being a damn sinner because she didn’t want to get married and had tried to commit suicide, which therefore meant she had to suffer the consequences of her non-conformist lifestyle by repenting as the guardian of hell. This film was some serious religious horror. And it was virtually identical to the original book by Jeffrey Konvitz.
Konvitz’s sequel, the novel The Guardian, never made it to the big screen, but the book is a hot piece of religious extremist fiction. By the time I was done reading this schizo mess, I was pretty convinced Konvitz is a self-loathing homo.
The book introduces a couple of gay characters, and after having read The Sentinel, I was rather surprised at how “well-adjusted” the gay characters were this time, sure of their orientation and accepting of the fact that they were who they were made to be. But then, things change.
It’s pretty much a rehashed plot from the first book (and movie) about who will become the replacement sentinel in an apartment building guarded by a nun (see The Sentinel). But when the truth of the mystery finally…um…comes out, I literally laughed out loud, which I don’t often do when reading, especially while reading a horror novel. Really, this is seriously what a priest in The Guardian says when he learns that the devil is a gay man/drag queen/transvestite (don’t forget, this was the 70s, so we were all one and the same) posing as a woman to raise a child and destroy the world (SPOILERS):
“Faye Burdett could not have had the baby…because Faye Burdett is a man! A man whose name used to be Jack Cooper—a transvestite and female impersonator, perhaps the most convincing the world has ever known—a sinner against God and Christ!”
Well I’ll be damned! The priest continues:
“Besides being a sin against God and Christ, this perfidy has fooled everyone—endangered all of mankind, possibly ended all hope…”
I love me a strong, powerful he-she. It gets better:
“I curse you. Anathematize you. Execrate your existence. You are the eternal malediction. The scourge, plague, affliction of humanity. The nefarious, noxious essence of hell. I curse you. And I defy you!”
Anyone got a dictionary handy? Yeesh! The gay devil should have just shouted back to the priest: “You! All right? I learned it by watching you!”
This is the funniest gay devil plot I’ve experienced since South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.
The scariest thing is, there are religious freaks who still believe this stuff! Despite the fact that the large majority of all the evil, most horrible things that have ever happened throughout history and will continue to happen have been the work of heterosexuals, they are convinced the gays are going to destroy the world. While I find that concept very empowering, I don’t consider God this evil being who will annihilate the whole human race if we support, respect, care for, and love each other.
That’s the kind of shit people believe! That’s why this whole gay marriage thing is freaking them out. They think that if they allow it (even though they’re not the ones allowing it), we’re all going to hell. And here I would think any fool with half a brain could see that we’re already in hell—a hell we created by treating each other so sadistically.
I’m so glad that I’ve got the special piece of knowledge that God made me and my relationship with God is between me and God—not me, God, and everyone else. So I’m just going to go on living the happy little gay life God blessed me with while wackos like Jeffrey Konvitz spend their lives being miserable, worshipping and fearing an angry God, and pushing all responsibility for evil onto gay drag queen female impersonator transvestites so that when they destroy the world, they’ll have someone else to blame and can absolve themselves of all sin.
Oh, and by the way. as a sequel, The Guardian sucked big cock. It’s so dragging us all to hell. But I am considering cashing in and writing religious horror fiction in which the gay drag queen female impersonator transvestites are always the monsters. Perhaps that will be my salvation.