When a fairy tale becomes a horror….

It’s Alice in Murderland vs. Little Dead Rotting Hood! Be scared. Be very scared.

ALICE IN MURDERLAND (2010)

As I worked my way through Alice in Murderland, I had a very strong feeling I’d done this all before. Turns out, I kind of did. I’ve blogged about director Dennis Devine’s low budget indies before: Night of the Dead and Don’t Look in the Cellar. Just like those two films, this one follows pretty much the same exact formula. Get a bunch of babes onto what looks like a set created in a small warehouse, and fill most of the time with their ditzy banter before each of them wanders off to another part of the set to be killed off.

In Alice in Murderland, sorority girls throw an all-girl, Alice in Wonderland themed party for their friend Alice…in the house where Alice’s mom was murdered. There are a couple of early kills, but pretty soon, we spend about an hour watching the girls sit around talking, bickering, and even having campy catfights. It kind of looks and feels like we’re watching a high school play…especially considering no one gets naked! WTF? Why make a horror movie about dumb bimbos getting slaughtered if none of them get naked?

Eventually, the girls start going off on their own, and someone shows up dressed as the Jabberwock from Alice in Wonderland. More bloodshed (real, not CGI) accompanies each girl getting murdered. The killer even uses a machete to spank a girl stuck in a window, then takes a selfie with the girl’s ass.

Look, when the one piece of trivia about a movie on imdb is “Seven of the girls in this movie were illiterate” and there are only about seven girls in the movie, it’s a clear sign that this sentence should have been my entire blog about the movie, because it tells you everything you need to know.

LITTLE DEAD ROTTING HOOD (2016)

Horror hottie Eric Balfour of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre plays a sheriff in a small town that has a wolf problem. The problem is, there was an old lady who lived in the woods and apparently kept them at bay. But now she’s dead, her granddaughter is missing, and the wolves are beginning to rip apart pretty young people having sex.

“I used to be the pretty young person having sex in horror movies.”

However, things aren’t as simple as they seem. The missing granddaughter (Bianca A. Santos of Ouija) was actually put through a sacrificial/burial ritual by her grandmother, and crawls from the grave with beastly abilities.

In a way, the movie is a fantasy-horror that plays off Little Red Riding Hood, sort of like the 1984 film The Company of Wolves did. However, while Little Dead Rotting Hood starts off with what seems like a pretty sleek and polished look and feel, it goes downhill fast when the sheriff and his army of local rednecks with guns are attacked by CGI werewolves that the SyFy channel would laugh at.

Toss in the undead granddaughter as a sort of Red Riding Hood hero that must fight the CGI werewolves and, well, SyFy should be airing this movie any day.