It’s all about the classic creepers of the dark in this foursome of flicks I check out on Tubi. Let’s get into them.
BLOODTHIRST (2023)
I can’t believe a movie with a whole vampire cult and a gang of redneck vampire hunters would have so little action and so much talk, but that’s what happens here.
The good is that you get a few familiar faces, including Tara Reid with fun vampire makeup on. Also good is that all vamp voices are drenched in audio effects, so Tara Reid doesn’t sound anything like Tara Reid. I’m not even sure they used her voice.
In between all the vampires talking about making more vampires to satisfy the master and the slayers talking about ways to take down the vampires, there are a few instances of the vampires attacking victims, but that’s as exciting as it gets. The whole thing takes place in a desolate desert, so there isn’t much to work with here.
The master looks like something out of a Buffy episode, and there are a few humorous moments, the best being when one girl says of a bunch of other rednecks, “Let’s go before they get rapey again”, but the final battle is totally hokey, and they don’t even kill the master! Be warned. A final title card promises a sequel. Can’t promise I’ll be watching it…
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LET ME IN (2024)
I was really feeling the sleek, sexy, and suspenseful vibes of this Tubi original, and it even has a major gay character, so it goes on the does the gay guy die? page, but there just wasn’t enough oopmh in the events that unfold to keep me riveted.
The opening scene is the standout moment for me, with a girl leaving a club and then getting pursued into an alley in a very Subspecies long shadows/long fingernails kind of way.
Our main girl and her gay BFF head to a villa in Italy to join in on the bachelorette party of one of her friends. The gang gets together, there are some creepy encounters with locals in the village, and then there’s a sexy and spooky dancing montage at the local club.
The main girl meets a handsome dude (aka: vampire) and invites him and his minions back to the villa to party. This is where the movie loses steam. There are some atmospheric moments, but our sexy vampire simply isn’t mysterious and ominous enough to put us on edge.
There are some light, sexy shenanigans, including the gay guy scoring a kiss, as well as a lesbian kiss, plus a few subtle chase scene moments, but it’s just not intense enough to deliver on thrills and chills.
We finally see the vampire in his true form near the end of the movie, and I just think there was so much missed opportunity for him to have turned sooner and really terrorized the girls (and gay) trapped in this house with him. Bummer. However, the final scene is a tasty little zinger to conclude the film.
THE TEXAS WITCH (2025)
It’s Blair Witch without the found footage POV and with an actual witch. Eureka!
We begin with a bearded muscle hunk and his woman in a tent in the woods. It starts off with classic opener suspense, but cuts short before getting to the guts, if you know what I mean.
I think the first act is where the problem lies in the pacing. We meet the sister of the now missing hunk, who decides to take matters into her own hands when police refuse to go look for him in “the forbidden territories”. There is way too much back and forth between her and her friends before they all get on board with the search party idea and finally leave.
Once they’re in the wilderness, the local legends of the woods and the witch are revealed during the hike and during campfire discussion. There’s even a flashback to the old days when the witch was working her black magic and was murdered by townsfolk. And she’s haunted the woods ever since.
We get early glimpse of the witch, and then she finally attacks 47 minutes in. Don’t expect to see full Monty witch face though. She’s always just rushing by the camera or shown in mysterious black silhouette. Still more witch than we ever see in Blair Witch.
There are some bloody elements, but nothing too extreme as the foursome of friends tries to escape the forest. As in Blair Witch, members of the group go missing, and those that remain end up at an abandoned house in the woods. It’s fairly entertaining, but it still needed some trimming to tighten up the runtime. And yet, the final moment is still more horror than we ever get from Blair Witch.
IT SHALL NOT BE NAMED (2023)
The effectively creepy opening scene of this witch flick sets a tense tone, but this particular moment takes place later in the chronology and wasn’t necessary draw us in since the movie’s suspenseful situation unfolds very quickly.
The film features a single set and minimal characters. We meet our main girl, who doesn’t bother to vet her new roommate. She immediately begins to suspect that the roommate is up to something sinister. It’s Single White Female with a witch. Awesome!
The atmosphere and mood in this little apartment are great, and the scare sequences rock, but there are a few problems that go along with that. First, there’s an exorbitant number of jump scare stingers. Like, even when a phone rings…stinger! It really dilutes the jump scare factor.
The other issue is that virtually every excellent, eerie sequence is a nightmare sequence! Is our main girl actually experiencing these things, or is she under some sort of spell?
As she delves into what the new roommate’s deal is, her boyfriend runs hot and cold—at times he tries to help her expose the truth, at other times he tells her she’s being ridiculous.
Considering there are only three characters and one setting, the claustrophobic feel is high, but the excessive nightmare sequences and lack of actual scary events make this start to feel like it’s not going anywhere. However, for a low budget project, it’s generally a spooky experience, the visual horror is quite satisfying, and there are some delicious surprises in the final act.
