TUBI TERRORS: a trio of shark flicks

It was another sharkathon with the hubby to usher in the summer season. Let’s see how it went with this trio we checked out on Tubi.

BULL SHARK (2022)

This is an astoundingly boring shark movie that doesn’t even try to go for the hokey SyFy feel. Instead, it takes itself seriously and focuses in agonizing detail on the personal life of a game warden—his divorce, his thirteen year-old son, his alcoholism. Yawn. At least the warden is sexy.

To bore us even more, there’s a barely developed side plot about the mayor that cares more about his political career than any shark. Shocker.

So a redneck in Texas captures a dead shark, the game warden tells him to get rid of it before anyone sees it and thinks there’s a shark in the lake, so…he throws it in the lake.

Turns out the dead shark was pregnant.

That’s right. The killer in this one is a baby shark.

You can keep singing that shit that’s now stuck in your head as you read on.

The few death scenes are merely comprised of simple CGI shark clips underwater and a really bad fake shark fin above water.

Eventually there’s a laughable scene of the game warden saving his son from the shark with a knife.

Right after that there’s a ridiculous scene of the ex-wife joining him in the water—she throws an explosive thermos to the shark, it eats it, boom. Or in this case, bomb. A total bomb.

DAM SHARKS! (2016)

Thankfully there are old SyFy shark movies all over the streaming world to make up for sitting through disasters like Bull Shark.

The hubby and I were so relieved when this one began with CGI fins swimming downriver and then a CGI shark snatching a girl right out of the air as she dives off a cliff for a swim.

The premise is a blast…sharks are using human body parts to build a dam to create a contained habitat.

This is how you do a cheesy shark flick right. There isn’t a dull moment. There’s a retreat of about ten people out in the wilderness for the weekend, with fun characters that eventually decide to have a rafting race.

At the same time, the game warden and an awesome and funny older fisherman go on a rescue mission to save anyone who is on the river.

There are loads of vicious, exciting, and ridiculous CGI shark attacks with plenty of red water, hilarious snatches of victims right off boats, and awesome perspectives of CGI sharks gracefully diving out of and back into the water to eat their victims.

On top of that, there are great, hokey battles with the sharks using oars and a bow and explosive arrows. This is how you do a silly summer fun shark flick.

SHARK SEASON (2020)

Finally, it’s your typical Open Water plot. This is mostly a generic film that rarely sees the main characters in any harrowing situations. Good news is it starts with an awesome, violent attack of a surfer.

The main girl is the daughter of Michael Madsen, who works for air patrol. Despite that, his entire role is literally phoned in…he simply talks to his daughter on a phone throughout her experience.

The daughter goes kayaking with a female friend and a guy friend with a hot bod.

They decide to check out a rock formation that was uncovered during a recent hurricane.

Very quickly, sharks appear in the water. The friends realize the rock formation is going to go under at high tide so they try to kayak to another mini island.

That’s it. They’re on the kayaks the whole time being surrounded by sharks and occasionally in communication with Madsen while they wait for a rescue team to come for them. The only really good scene is when they finally end up in the water right at the end and the daughter has to take on one shark with an oar.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
This entry was posted in Movie Times & Television Schedules - Staying Entertained, The Evil of the Thriller - Everything Horror and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply