It’s a toilet bowl slug, new millennium mischief-making mini monsters, and a house of blood-sucking sluts
SCARED SHITLESS (2024)
Despite the title and the general theme of this film (a slug creature traveling through plumbing and popping out of toilets in an apartment building), it totally spares us any gross shit humor. In fact, the title is quite apropos, because there’s no shit. It’s just pure plumbing puns, a comedic cast of characters, practical effects, and an 80s soundtrack that includes tracks by Harlequin, Doug and the Slugs, and Loverboy. Awesome.
A plumber forces his grown, germaphobic son to tag along when he goes to unclog some toilets.
Meanwhile, a dude living in the apartment building they’re heading to has created some sort of “evolutionary” critter. That’s about all the explanation we get for this thing.
The slug he created escapes, and the antics begin. Honestly, for a movie about a toilet slug, there really isn’t much tasteless toilet humor at all. The nastiest thing that happens is a dude on the toilet gets his genitals chomped off as they are dangling inside the bowl. Toilet slug likes tea bags.
There’s slug POV, a kinky, geriatric couple, slug eggs, a shower scene, and plenty of chemistry between the father and son as they attempt to take on the slug, which keeps getting bigger and bigger as we head for the final battle. It’s just an old school comedy horror fun fest.
FRANKIE FREAKO (2024)
Remember the Astron-6 guys? Well, this one comes from them, so you’ll want to check it out if you miss their brand of filmmaking. However, I’ll say right up front that as much as I love them, this one is just a little too goofy for my tastes.
Although it takes place at Christmas time and even ends with a still of a Christmas postcard and a Christmas carol, this is generally not a holiday themed horror flick. It focuses on a dude who is being pressured to do better at the office and is not so impressive to his girlfriend in the bedroom lately either.
He sees a late-night commercial for one of those party hotlines, with a goblin as the advertising mascot, and he can’t get it out of his head. So, he eventually caves, calls…and ends up with three munchies in his house trashing the place.
This really is like the lower tier Gremlins rip-offs of the 80s, with the critters causing chaos, including trashing his house and gluing his boss to the floor in his basement. Can’t complain about seeing Astron-6 bear daddy Adam Brooks get creamed in the face with white goo…
The movie goes intro really weird territory when the main guy and the visiting “Freakos” are teleported back to the world of the Freakos. Turns out their leader, a male Freako, is hot for our main guy and wants to make him his bitch. Yeah. This turns into a sort of intergalactic gay film. Very on-brand for the Astron-6 guys.
It’s all puppet silliness until the main guy and his new ghoulie friends escape back to earth and are followed by the Freako leader, who has transformed into a hideous monster that’s like a boss out of a Resident Evil game. The Freakos pale in comparison to the great horror movie this big baddie could have been in.
Would you believe the main guy uses seduction to try to defeat the boss?
SNOW BUNNIES (2025)
63 minutes long? I was so in. That is until nothing happens for the first 32 minutes. Sigh.
The main guy in this vampire comedy deserved more time to charm us, because he and his buddies are a blast. He’s a slacker who gets kicked out of his girlfriend’s apartment and ends up at a strip club with hoochie mama cellulite asses bouncing in his face. I felt like I was watching a crunk video circa 2002, but I guess this fills the first 32 minutes nicely for the right audience.
This movie does not take place during a snowstorm, so I’m guessing the title is referencing black guys banging white chicks? The guys get invited home by a group of girls, and this is when the fun begins. At the dinner table, the girls’ dad shows up, and he isn’t looking so good.
A few minutes later a BJ for one of the guys turns into a meal for one of the girls, and the vampire camp kicks in, with the group of guys being picked off one by one as they try to escape the house. Aside from the whole second act being hard to see due to saturated blue horror lighting, it’s such a playful horror comedy scenario that is over way too fast, leaving you wanting more.
There are seriously only 20 minutes of vamp action, because the film ends abruptly with no real resolution at about the 53-minute mark, after which we get ten minutes of bloopers.
