DARK – Mum & Dad – Here’s a good example of why I shouldn’t take the advice of those overlooked horror movies on “must see” lists always being posted on the Internet.
LIGHT – Clinger – Here’s a good example of why I’m glad I always follow my gut instinct after watching a trailer on the Internet.
Now for the details.
MUM & DAD (2008)
A young woman working at an airport is invited to the house of her fellow employee. As soon as they arrive at the house…TORTURE PORN at the hands of a depraved family.
- Main girl having her body pierced with long needles by Mum, who’s totally sexually into it, as is the son busy masturbating while watching through a peephole.
- Dad jerking off with pieces of human flesh.
- Main girl being systematically cut with a razor then having all the slices rubbed vigorously.
- Main girl being forced to kiss Dad’s foot.
- Main girl being forced to make out with a severed head.
- Main girl stuffed in a piece of luggage then beaten with a mallet.
- Cannibalism and body parts strewn all over the place.
You can point out themes of control, manipulation, sex as violence, breaking of the spirit, will to survive, blah blah blah, but there was nothing new or entertaining here for me. If your idea of a great or intelligent horror film is watching a young woman being tortured for an hour and twenty minutes with absolutely no surprises, scares, or suspense along the way, before finally getting her revenge on her abusers in the last five minutes, just blind buy Mum & Dad on DVD.
CLINGER (2015)
I sure wish I’d watched these two in the opposite order, because I needed a playful romzomcom like Clinger to wash away the bad aftertaste of Mum & Dad. So I’ll use this blog as a form of therapy by writing about Clinger second, because it’s just pure crass, gory, teen comedy fun. It even includes cameos by horror faves like b-movie queen Debbie Rochon and Lisa Wilcox of Elm Street 4 & 5.
A teenager named Fern starts dating Everybody Hates Chris’s white buddy, but soon realizes she can’t stand his weird, clingy behavior. But before she can breakup with him, he’s beheaded in a bizarre accident.
Fern begins having horrific guilt dreams over his death…until he comes back from the dead! Only she can see him, and learns from her medium friend that he’s a love ghost. So the pair begins having a relationship again, but when things go south a second time, the love ghost decides the only way they can be together is if Fern’s a ghost as well!
Clinger has killer demon Teddy bears, gory sex humor, animated sequences, and mortals battling the undead on the track field (complete with laser guns).
There’s also some delicious jock butt and a funny hottie in a leopard Speedo.
But the show is totally stolen by actress Julia Aks, who plays Fern’s sister and totally rox the comedy.
You would never guess that she’s also a fricking hardcore opera singer in real life! I don’t want the theatre world to steal Julia away because she seriously needs to be in more horror comedies. Hell, her last name is AXE!
