My latest triple viewing is a mixed bag of subgenres, and there’s nothing here worth adding to my movie collection, but I did find something to like about each of these films.
PYEWACKET (2017)
After seeing the trailer for Pyewacket when it was getting hyped a few months ago, I had so little interest in it that I didn’t even put it on my “to see” list. But when it showed up on Hulu there was no excuse not to check it out.
The boring as fuck trailer completely does the film justice.
I can’t even wrap my head around how what should have been a 30-minute horror short in an anthology at most was stretched into a 90-minute slow burn that burns until it just fizzles out.
There’s this teen who hangs out in the woods with her goth friends reading occult shit. Following her father’s death, she has a rocky relationship with her mother, played by Andrea from The Walking Dead.
So bad that the she goes into the woods during a moment of anger and wishes something awful on her mother.
The movie tries desperately for the rest of its runtime to convince us something terrifying is coming for her mother through the use of some encroaching camerawork and banging in the attic.
It. Just. Doesn’t. Work.
On the bright side, I found a couple of modern wave bands to play on my Future Flashbacks Show: Weeknight and Rey Pila.
GHOST STORIES (2017)
Ghost Stories is a movie about a skeptic who debunks supernatural scam artists. It plays out like a polished horror anthology, as he speaks to three different people who share their tales of terror…
1st story – we’ve seen this one numerous times before. A night security guard is terrorized by ghosts while on duty. He walks around with just a flashlight, and we see a freaky ghost child, but the story ends just when it seems like it’s about to deliver.
2nd story – this is my favorite in the bunch. A young man driving back from a party on a desolate road is terrorized by a satanic beast creature. In the age of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, this one nails the fun of the occult.
3rd story – I was really feeling this one at first, as it appears some dude is being haunted by a baby ghost in a playpen. I just don’t understand why it throws all that away to slap us with a cliché screaming ghost woman whose face is then treated to the demon app to add insult to injury. WTF?
As for the wraparound, there are some engrossing points to the main guy’s story, but an obvious makeup job spoils half the surprise, and the conclusion to his story is a twist we’ve seen before.
The bigger unexpected twist is that the closing credits roll to Bobby Boris Pickett’s Halloween classic “Monster Mash.”
THE KAOS BRIEF (2017)
The KAOS Brief is about as paint-by-numbers as a found footage film gets—with all the usual flaws and plot holes—so if you’re not tired of the genre yet, you’ll probably enjoy it.
Our notably attractive foursome features a gay vlogger who goes camping with his boyfriend, his sister, and her boyfriend.
While out in the woods, they experience a couple of creepy things that immediately scream, “ALIENS!”
But we don’t get stuck in the Blair Witch zone with aliens.
The kids actually leave the woods. It’s at the house of the brother and sister, whose parents are away, that all the terror begins. It’s Paranormal Activity with aliens…and men in black.
Seriously, it’s basically Men In Black if they were the bad guys in a found footage film. All you get to see of the actual alien threat is spaceship lights and a conveniently loaded and cued video tape the kids discover of a silhouette of an alien. Hey, it’s still more of a payoff than The Blair Witch Project.
The most significant part of this film for me is the fact that the gay characters are completely integrated into and integral to the plot…not just novelties.
And they even get a charming kiss scene. Considering the leading man is gay and half the cast is gay, I’m going to file this one with my homo horror movies instead of my die, gay guy, die! movies.
