Hey. When horror keeps coming at you in a never-ending stream, you’ll watch anything. Maybe that’s dulled my senses, but I didn’t hate either of these films.
SUPER HYBRID (2010)
The director of the U.S. version of One Missed Call brings us a movie about a killer car. You’re probably thinking this guy doesn’t have an original idea in his head, but forget everything you know about The Car, Christine, Maximum Overdrive, Phantom Racer, and any others I’ve failed to mention.
This killer car is a super hybrid. What does that mean? It means a bunch of shit. But most importantly, it can shapeshift into any kind of car it wants, because this 4-wheel fucker isn’t actually a car! It’s some serpentine monster masquerading as a car! AWESOME!!!
The killer car is brought into an underground impound garage after it gets into an accident. Serpent monsters masquerading as cars can’t drive for shit. Perhaps it’s that infrared POV that messes them up.
Anyway, when a few of the guys on staff go missing, our main girl soon realizes the car is to blame and has to convince all her coworkers, including her dick boss, played by Oded Fehr (aka: Carlos of the Resident Evil films), that they need to get the hell out of there.
I’m telling you, this seems like some typical killer car crap…until they pop the hood and CGI serpent heads hiss “Why the fuck aren’t we on SyFy every other day???”
This movie is a blast, with only some serious slowdown during an elaborate setup scene of the survivors rigging a trap to catch the car.
But after that excessive montage, our main girl – Shannon Beckner, who needs to score more roles as a horror action hero – rox the capture and kill plan, even when it goes horribly wrong.
GET DEAD (2014)
Part Bigfoot parody, part backwoods slasher parody, Get Dead seems like it is going to be a low budget hillbilly buddy movie. To me, the pair’s “storyline” is almost second fiddle (or banjo) to that of all the other characters that head into the woods looking for some cheap thrills.
By cheap thrills, I’m talking about a local legend of some sort of killer beast, killer woman ghost, or killer “she-foot” that supposedly roams the woods. I’m not going to lie. As overplayed as the hillbilly buddy shtick is at this point, every time the one hillbilly buddy called her a “she-foot,” I laughed.
The hillbilly buddies spend much of the movie talking with their female friends about going into the woods to look for the beast. When not doing that, they’re sleeping on a couch together, and the one hillbilly is having homoromantic dreams about the other hillbilly, dressed in drag and all.
I found the various groups that head into the woods more entertaining, because they also bring the body count. There’s a male/female team hoping to uncover the truth about the legend, and the guy is super gay.
The moment he queened out on the beast, I knew the filmmakers were about to make the big mistake of making him a premature number in the body count.
There’s also a “queer” loner of a fellow living out in the woods…with a pretty boy banjo-playing buddy…
The main group consists of obnoxious assholes from the city, naturally. As much as this film is a spoof, I have to say, the she-foot is pretty creepy, and her attacks are vicious. Plus, she’s got a quip or two up her sleeve – or hairy arm in this case.
Even so, there’s plenty of cheeseball foolishness here, including an onscreen head count for each kill.
The movie is 80 minutes long, and could have gotten the job done in 70 or less, but it definitely has its charms if you stick with it.
The hillbilly buddies finally make it to the woods to take on the she-foot in the end, and the twist is perfect for this kind of comedy. Not to mention, their response to the truth rules because it totally spits in the face of predictable buddy movie endings.
