Killer in a coma, I know, I know, it’s serious

A while back I blogged about the remake of Patrick with Sharni Vinson, which I described as Carrie in a coma. I can now add that it’s a fresh update that also retains plenty of aspects from the original, because I just watched a double feature of Patrick 1978 and the skanky Euro “sequel” Patrick Still Lives. So let’s get into them.

PATRICK (1978)

Patrick comes from Richard Franklin, director of Psycho II, Cloak & Dagger, Road Games, and Link, so it’s safe to say he definitely brought me a lot of entertainment on cable throughout the 80s.

However, this one is soooo 1970s. It starts out quite intriguing and creepy, but then it just drags on and on and gets way out there.

The bizarre opening scene sure does set the tone. While a sleazy looking couple is sexing it up in a tub, Patrick, who already looks like he’s in a coma, walks into the room and tosses some sort of heating lamp at them, leaving them with a lot to contend with.

Several years later, a young woman comes to work at a clinic, gets a nasty introductory speech from the head nun at the place, and then meets Patrick, who is now in a coma…yet somehow manages to spit on her!

We next meet the creepy head doctor, who does something awful to a frog to teach the main girl a little something about being in a coma. He also philosophizes about life, death, and the spirit.

As the plot unfolds, we learn that Patrick has telekinesis and can make shit move with his mind even while in a coma. We also learn he’s becoming very possessive of the main girl, communicates with her through her typewriter, and will use his powers to take out anyone who gets in between them.

And for a guy in a coma, he sure does have a lot of people who want him dead. So he takes care of them, too.

Highlights include a strange homage to Jaws in a pool, an evil looking statue on the nun’s desk, the main girl touching Patrick’s naughty part to see if he has any sense of feeling, a major experiment performed on Patrick without anyone in charge knowing, an awesome body removal scene from an electric panel, and a rather hokey and laughable final scene. And when it all comes down to it, I didn’t learn anything about the comatose character of Patrick at all.

PATRICK STILL LIVES (1980)

Leave it to Italian horror to take a film with some already pervy moments and make it a disgusting piece of exploitative trash.

This guy isn’t the same Patrick, so this isn’t really a sequel, but it’s also not quite a remake.

I still don’t understand why the first Patrick fell into a coma, but this Patrick is struck in the face by something thrown from a car while he’s stranded on the side of the road. I have no idea what is thrown at him, and I still have no idea why Patrick falls into a coma, because he’s quite awake and screaming in agony when it happens.

Next, several people gather at a wellness resort. Little do they know, comatose Patrick is there, and his father is a mad scientist doing some sort of experiments in a room drenched in Euro horror lights.

Patrick is mostly forgotten in this film. Instead it focuses on all the shitty people that have come to the resort, including the mother who lets her zombie son bite off her tit in Burial Ground. The minute I saw her I knew I was in for some nasty shit.

This is some nasty shit. Women get brutally slapped around by men, they get into catfights, they walk around with their tits out, they walk around with their hairy pussies out, and one of them rubs her pussy all over Patrick’s bedpost then totally spreads herself to give herself some finger action. And that’s not even the woman from Burial Ground. This movie must be the reason she got the Burial Ground role, because here she gets pursued by a floating metal poker, but instead of just running away from it, she climbs up on a table and spreads her legs. Believe me when I tell you nothing is left to the imagination as she is vaginally impaled close up. WTF?

Although Patrick isn’t a scary looking fucker like he is in the first film, aside from the disgusting death by pussy poking, the kills are better in this film. However, every time someone is about to get killed, a big overlay of Patrick’s eyes comes on screen. This is like some 1958 horror technique.

Most notable is that Patrick Still Lives plays out more like a slasher (in which the killer never even has to get out of bed). Not only is there a body count as people behave badly then get killed off, there also proves to be a motivation and reason behind the killing of these particular people.

Even so, there are still so many plot points presented that didn’t make much sense to me when all was said and done.