Good or bad, once in a while I need a werewolf fix. So…were these four I watched on Amazon Prime good or bad?
BONEHILL ROAD (2017)
The first werewolf film up is the second film I’ve covered from director Todd Sheets in the past few weeks. While I didn’t love Clownado, I’ve been looking forward to Bonehill Road.
Here’s the catch. This is like two different horror films in one. The werewolves, which are wicked cool old school costumes and not CGI, barely play a part in the film until the last half-hour.
Before that, this is a sleazy, low budget psycho killer movie. A mother and daughter attempt to run away from mom’s abusive man, crash their car when they hit a “wild animal” on the road, and end up in a house in the middle of nowhere.
They encounter Linnea Quigley and a couple other girls being tortured and terrorized. This captivity segment is the bulk of the film until finally…the werewolves bust in!
For me the werewolf segment was so much fun, complete with a practical effects transformation.
And while I appreciate the approach of mixing genres, I just couldn’t get into the torture and gore part of the film that preceded it. Do make sure to stick around for the post-credits scene. It is possibly the best part of the film–fun and werewolf awesome, with my Facebook buddy David E. McMahon flashing his furries in a transformation scene that made me cough up a hairball.
CARNIVORE: WEREWOLF OF LONDON (2017)
There’s not much substance to this werewolf flick, and that’s fine by me. A couple goes to a cabin in the woods, has a lot of sex, and is watched then terrorized by a werewolf.
The woman looks like Selma Blair.
The guy is one of a kind and so damn hot, with a bald head, a beautiful, huge honker you could ride all night, and a tight bod.
The shots of chest and butt are just icing on the cake.
The nose is the cake. Mmm. I just want to deep throat that big piece of perfection.
Anyway, the film initially feels like a suspenseful slow burn, with some effective flashes of the werewolf lurking around the house and peering through the windows. Unfortunately, that happens over and over and over, making the brief 82-minute length feel longer.
Eventually the couple starts to battle the beast, and while it’s great to have a costume werewolf instead of CGI werewolf, the beast is not as cool looking once we finally see it in full light.
There are barely any kills, but there is some nice gore when the werewolf does claim victims. Finally, the initial twist is obvious, however the film takes an unexpected turn at the end and even has a fun final scene.
WEREWOLVES OF THE THIRD REICH (2017)
Director Adam Jones is one of those prolific horror directors I’ll always check out because I’ve enjoyed some of his previous films, even if not every one of them. Werewolves of the Third Reich falls into the latter category.
I’m not sure what the thought process was behind this film, but when I tell you a majority of it is all talk with no werewolf action, if you don’t believe me and watch anyway, I say in advance… “Told ya!”
So what’s all the talk about? How am I supposed to know? I got bored and tuned most of it out. But there are Nazis, Americans, and a crazy scientific plot. There’s some talk between military men about racism in the military. And finally, 65 minutes in, there’s an injection and some cool old school transformation…into a semi-werewolf.
Before the end there are a few more semi-werewolves, and at least a little gore. You just have to decide if it’s worth sitting through all the talk to get to this bit of horror excitement. Personally, I’d rather just watch a hairier werewolf movie.
IRON WOLF (aka: Werewolf Terror) (2013)
More Nazi scientists making werewolves! They only do it in the opening scene and feed the thing some humans. It’s quite funny watching someone off-screen throws buckets of blood at the actor.
Then it’s modern day, and a punk band wants to have a concert in an old Nazi lab. Yeah…that Nazi lab.
Aside from too much exploration time at the beginning, once the leader singer opens the vaults and lets out a dude in a cheesy werewolf costume and Nazi uniform, I felt like I was catapulted back to the eighties.
It might not fly with anyone born after like 1990, but this is the kind of low budget werewolf crap I grew up with, and I loved every minute of it—the uneven acting, the poor lighting, the awesomely mediocre special effects, and a group of stupid kids running around getting slaughtered.
And don’t turn it off when the end credits start to roll, because the movie keeps going.
