This morning, The Today Show was delighted once again to bring you holiday fear…I mean, cheer…by promoting an elf that hides in the dark shadows of your house and stalks your kids!!! When I heard this story, I got some Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark flashbacks. Sally! Sally! Sally! This all out Trilogy of Terror Zuni doll in holiday garb can be set loose to give your little ones night terrors for a good long time.
Here’s the deal. You buy this book that includes a little elf doll. The book tells the story of how Santa knows which kids are naughty and nice because he sends a little elf into every home to watch each child’s behavior. So, loving parents are supposed to place this little peeping elf in a different spot every day to show their children that he’s watching their every move! WTF??? This ‘tradition’ is being promoted as a game of hide and seek. NOT. This ain’t no Where’s Waldo. This is evil stalking Troll freakishness! One minute the evil elf is sitting on the fireplace mantle spying on the little ones as they watch TV, then he’s peering out of the Christmas cookie jar to prevent the kiddies from sneaking treats. Before you know it, your little one will be sitting on the bowl and the evil elf will be crawling up from the depths of the sewer system!
Dang. Isn’t it bad enough the little ones are already terrified to sit on Santa’s lap at the mall??? Now the big jolly evil pagan monster is sending his little familiars into your home to strike fear into the hearts of every child during the holiday season! They say that the Elf on the Shelf really works. Of course, so does waterboarding…
Oh, BTW. I highly condone using the Elf on the Shelf on your children. It almost makes me wish I had a kid of my own to terrorize…
