Get ready to say EEK with tales from The Theatre Bizarre

2011 horror anthology The Theatre Bizarre is jam-packed with six stories plus a wraparound! A chick goes into this seedy movie theater to find it is mostly empty, except the ever-creepy Udo Kier as some sort of human puppet emcee up on stage. In fact there’s a whole freak show of human puppets on stage. Uber creepy…or should I say, Udo creepy.

The first story is one of my favorites. A couple touring France meets a witchy woman and the very handsome, bearded dude becomes intrigued when she tells him she has a copy of the Necronomicon. He decides to go to her place to see it. What we get is a spooky amphibian creature feature in which frogs and slime abound, as do big tits and his hot man ass. Love this story.

Turn to the second story for a modernized Twilight Zone feel. A paranoid man begs his wife not to leave him, so she feeds his fears in hopes that he’ll want her gone. Yet he seems so willing to forgive her. Does he even know what he’s capable of doing to make sure she stays with him forever?

The third story has the awesome title “Wet Dreams” and is directed by Tom Savini, who also plays a role in the story. Damn, he still looks FINE. But even sexier is the lead guy, who spends most of the time shirtless, strapped down, and showing off the chest hair. This psycho-sexual tale keeps you guessing as to whether his heinous visions of castration are real or dreams. B-movie queen Debbie Rochon also stars.

The fourth story is a very melancholy and moody tale of a girl asking her mother numerous questions about death, sparked by a motorcycle accident with a deer that they witness on the road.

The fifth story is a nightmare for those who are squeamish about eye stuff. A chick discovers she can extract the liquid from people’s eyes and then inject it into her own eyes to see all their memories. Gruesome eye puncturing galore.

The final story is another gross out. Cartoonish and colorful representations of the gluttonous characters devouring all kinds of sweets and treats become a nightmare of disgusting imagery as they “make love” to their food with their mouths (so not sexy), regurgitate their food, and eat that as well because they’re just that obsessed with food. Despite the nauseating visuals, the payoff to this story is quite delicious. Keep an eye out for the very sacrilegious reenactment of The Last Supper.

The stories in The Theatre Bizarre vary in tone, so there’s sure to be a couple of stories to satisfy most horror tastes. It’s definitely a goodie for fans of horror anthologies.