It’s one for the homo horror movies page, one for the holiday horror page, and one that belongs on a list of the many derivative psycho backwoods family movies out there.
LADYBUG (2024)
This gay flick begins as one of the slowest burn suspense films yet fails to drop the necessary hints for the audience to make any sense out of the full-on supernatural horror movie it becomes in the final act. The hubby and I were saying “WTF?” for the entire half hour, and we then had to talk through it to make sense of it, which included rewinding the film and watching certain scenes again to try to piece it all together.
The other problem is that the supernatural aspect is so absurd and full of logic holes that it’s hard to be forgiving.
A gay artist getting over a breakup heads to his family’s cabin in the woods to focus on producing new work to appease his agent, played by horror queen Scout Taylor-Compton.
He soon begins to notice someone watching him from the woods. For a city boy, he is way too chill about it if you ask me, but I guess he’s too distracted by the cute handyman that comes calling and flirting with him to care. Once the handyman offers to be his nude model, I totally understood why he forgot about the lurker.
This thriller setup has few thrills but is loaded with suspicious scenarios to confuse us, which is so unnecessary when the actual plot is already so damn hard to follow.
Eventually there’s a major supernatural revelation that involves the ghosts of a killer’s victims, paranormal hookups, and possession, with very few attempts to connect the dots along the way. It got to the point that we didn’t know who was dead, who was alive, and who was possessed.
Watch it and pay super close attention, because aside from the sexy scenes and intense horror elements at the end, you must contend with the fun of having your head completely scrambled. Also, keep an eye out for a cameo by Marion, the nurse from the Halloween movies.
NEW FEARS EVE (2025)
This wacky slasher comedy is totally schizo, which makes it both chaotic and highly entertaining.
The opener is absolute perfection. We get someone dressed as a plague doctor killing several victims in a series of quick, gory death scenes interspersed with news stories.
Seemingly oblivious to all this serial killer stuff stealing headlines is the staff at a company run by horror king Dave Sheridan, whose assistant is none other than Felissa Rose.
There is some adolescent sexual comedy that made me chuckle out loud as we are introduced to the workers, one of whom is Final Destination creator Jeffrey Reddick.
There are quite a few more random kill scenes thrown in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve, including Felissa getting one of the nastiest kills of all. I can’t stress enough how gnarly and gory the kills are for a horror comedy.
Meanwhile, the characters are just doing their thing. There isn’t much weight to their stories, so their interactions begin feeling like simple, humorous filler in between the kills.
I think the main issue is that despite the title of the movie, most of the action takes place before the New Year’s Eve party. When the party finally hits in the final act, rather than a festive focus on a big holiday celebration or a countdown to midnight, the party is mostly just background noise as the plague doctor goes on a murder spree in the office.
The final battle between all the main characters is a blast (including a dildo fight), but of note is that one of the most torturous deaths in the film is inflicted on a gay character right before he’s about to hook up with another guy. I believe there could be a major correlation between the fact that there is talk about ass-eating right before his tongue is targeted by the killer, and I feel personally attacked. Obviously, this one lands on the does the gay guy die? page.
We never do learn the identity of the killer, because the film blatantly sets us up for a sequel that should pick up right where this one ends. Can’t wait, and I hope this one gets a physical media release.
CANNIBAL CABIN (2022)
I’m always up for a Louisa Warren indie, but I prefer her fun creature killers to a cliché, backwoods cannibal family horror flick. And this one is as cliché as it gets.
The opener has a few friends, including a pregnant woman, entering the wrong place at the wrong time. We are immediately introduced to the crazed family, most of them wearing skin masks like a cheap Texas Chainsaw knockoff.
It’s also clear that things aren’t going to go well for the pregnant woman and her unborn child. But for an opening scene, it’s so long that by the time the killing began, I was like, wait, they’re not the main group?
Next, we are introduced to a group of friends on a road trip. Would you believe they have van trouble?
Much of the middle of the movie features a majority of the group going to look for help, so there’s a bunch of exploring with no suspense.
Eventually, they also enter the wrong place at the wrong time, and we get a scene right out of Wrong Turn. From there it’s the usual. Anyone they turn to for help is part of the family. There’s torture porn. There’s a need for more babies in the family.
The gore is grisly enough, but the movie just doesn’t hit you in the nerves, and the survivors put up a pretty pathetic fight. The most annoying part of this whole predicament? Early on, one of the main dudes literally points out that they are getting themselves right into a horror movie. Seriously, I’m not trying to victim blame, but anyone could have seen that was the case, so it’s absurd that someone says it out loud yet they don’t all immediately rethink what they’re doing.
