But is there TERROR in the tales? I take a look at Terror 5, Terror Tales, and Terror Telly.
TERROR 5 (2016)
Running only 76 minutes long, Terror 5 is sort of an anthology tied to an overarching story of politicians on trial, accused of being responsible for the collapse of a building in a city.
None of it made much sense to me, and the tales weren’t exactly cohesive stories…just “situations”. After a while I couldn’t tell when one tale ended and another began.
In one story, a young couple goes on a date at their school at night, where students are enacting revenge on their teachers.
Next, a guy dressed as Gene Simmons plays mind games with some young people about snuff films being real. Meanwhile, a couple at a hotel is actually being filmed having sex. It’s sort of like two situations that eventually come together.
Just when you think thing can’t get any weirder, zombies with glowing eyes show up and begin terrorizing the city during a vigil for those who died in the building collapse.
The film is well produced, but I just couldn’t find enough to enjoy about it.
TERROR TALES (2016)
This is a pretty lofty undertaking that is, however, clearly made on an indie budget. For that reason alone, some of the budget could have been reallocated for quality over quantity; the film runs two unnecessary hours long! Horror movies in general should not be two hours long, even more so if it’s an anthology that only has three stories.
The wraparound is about a nut who car jacks a guy then tells him horror stories…
1st story – Lynn Lowry stars in a tale that’s sort of like A Christmas Carol if Ebenezer were a woman who lost her son and the three ghosts were a single demon that came to fuck with her head. I didn’t totally understand the story, but the demon was cool and would have been even freakier if it were in dark lighting rather than bright light.
2nd story – this one looks like it was shot on video in an actual holdover video store still in business since the 80s. That’s part of its charm. It takes place in the 80s, and I think the extras were probably also holdovers from the 80s who never grew out of their high school existence, because they look genuinely 80s.
Anyway, it’s a tale about a sledgehammer killer pounding the fuck out of the heads of video store customers. The practical gore kicks ass, and Jonathan Tiersten of Sleepaway Camp makes an appearance.
3rd story – the last tale is all over the place, but there’s so much horror packed into it I don’t even care. We get a possessed girl, an exorcism, a possessed woman chained up in a basement, Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp as an awesome witch, and a giant demon. Fun fun fun.
The conclusion of the wraparound is also loaded with midnight movie horror insanity. The guy who plays the nut in the wraparound gives one of the strongest performances in the entire movie. Plus I want to like his pecs for a few hours.
TERROR TELLY (2012)
This is merely a bonus anthology in this blog because I almost turned it off. However, because it only runs 59 minutes, I sat through it.
A Bon Jovi goes goth dude hosts in black and white, and there are also some really bad mock commercial interruptions.
1st story – Also black and white, this is a campy story about a mad scientist who creates a Frankenstein monster that becomes possessed and needs an exorcism. It’s silly dumb with some shit humor, but the possessed monster did make me laugh.
2nd story – I think this is supposed to be an outer space story, but it’s really just three people standing around talking with no plot.
3rd story – WTF? This one begins with a dude metal detecting on a beach and then the host cuts in and says it is too scary a story to finish. Not funny or cute and just an absurd way to fill an already short run time.
4th story – WTF? A dude takes a drink and gets sick in the bathroom sink. That’s it.
5th story – It’s supposed to be Halloween. A cute dude is home alone and enters a creepy, small closet door, where he finds some scary tools. From there we get a series of macabre images flashing on screen and I didn’t understand any of it.
Honestly, the most entertaining scene to me is a final clip of a dude using the hand of a severed arm to jerk himself off while chewing on the shoulder end. it’s disgusting for sure, but it gets points simply for being fucked up clever.
