What a large body count this zombie film has got…hot bodies, that is

steve niles reamins cover

How often do you see rippling man muscles in the first 5 minutes of a zombie film? Living muscles, that is. When Steve Niles’ Remains begins, it appears that the few survivors of the zombie apocalypse are spared any cannibalistic tendencies because they are inside—sort of like how the characters inside any metal contraption were spared in the 80s classic Night of the Comet. However, just like pretty much every moment in this movie, it’s never fully verified or explained. So let me remind you—the shirtless male action begins within the first 5 minutes.

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And the amount of hot men, several of whom get shirtless, continues. This GOD comes out in a towel after a shower (doesn’t everyone shower during a zombie apocalypse?) and strikes some incredible poses, totally turning on another male character. No really. I mean it. The other guy is a gay character. Take a guess if he survives…. I must say though. These two have some serious chemistry.

While I usually have issue with the introduction of army men or rogue survivor gangs in my zombie films, they only add to the man meat in this film, so I can forgive. At the same time, they do add to the gore and zombie action, and this film has loads of it. While it is a fairly big mess of incomplete scenes strung together, the zombie action is quite entertaining and there are some good jump scares, as well as humor.

The series of half-assed action scenes is the big problem, as are the dozens of WTF moments that will have you rolling your eyes at the decisions of these characters—or the lack of logic of the situations. The characters keep making escape plans, we don’t know why they make them or what they are exactly, they kind of execute them, get into a heap of zombie trouble, and then are suddenly, inexplicably safe again. For instance, guy and girl being chased by relentless zombie drop through a hatch in a ceiling, zombie grabs chick’s head, she gets free…and then zombie doesn’t bother to drop in after them! And they don’t show any concern that he MIGHT.

Have I mentioned the amount of hot men in this movie?

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But, I have to admit, the film does actually add something new to the genre—lots of shirtless men and no shirtless women. Okay, there’s more. First, we have the fact that zombies fricking come to a dead standstill sleep at night! Yep, right out on the street. Oh. And they also pee and poop. Can you imagine what it would smell like if zombies pooped out the raw human flesh they’d eaten? Plus, the zombies begin eating each other eventually. Oh wait. That happened in another zombie story. Oh yeah. It happened in my novella Zombied Out! So go grab a copy of Closet Monsters from Amazon….

steve niles remains hunks

Steve Niles and the men who make his zombies salivate…

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES.

I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.

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