Three times the zombedies

My latest horror comedy triple feature was a trio of zombie films! Shocker, I know. So how bad were they?

MOURNING WOOD (2010)

mourning wood cover

Forget zom-com. This is a zom-cum. An infomercial master creates a shampoo for pubes, and it soon begins turning people into zombies that…shoot their loads all over their victims.

mourning wood zombie

Such potential to be a hilarious zombie sex spoof. Instead we get a home-brewed film that’s way too long because it feels like a bunch of slacker friends got together to film each other talking, running around the woods with toy guns, and getting buckets of a thick white substance splattered on them from off screen as people dressed as zombies dry humped the air. Considering the zombies are all completely dressed, it makes the constant cum shots even more ridiculous.

mourning woodbutt

Two things actually made me laugh. First, when the guys see a zombie humping a car, one guy says, “I told you your car was gay.” And second, a zombie jumps off a roof, lands on a guy 69 style, and cums all over his face. The film needed more of this. Interestingly, pretty much the entire movie was comprised of male zombies and male victims. Hm….

THE NIGHT SHIFT (2011)

 night shift movie

What would possess anyone to make a two-hour long monster comedy about an undead security guard in a cemetery? Especially considering The Night Shift, despite feeling like it’s intended to be a throwback to The Munsters, can’t quite sustain any kind of comic horror for even five minutes let alone two hours.

Rue Morgan is the undead guard. He’s in love with the day shifter, a living female named Claire Rennfield. Sure her last name is borrowed from Dracula, but her full name sounds like a character from Resident Evil (Claire Redfield). Rue also has a talking skull for a buddy.

 night shift hero

Their job is pretty much to keep order in the cemetery and make sure none of the ghouls or monsters leave it. There’s a killer teen werewolf on the loose, Rue Morgan has a zombie nemesis, and there are undead battles and sword fights. It all wears thin fast and I found it unbearable trying to wait for the occasional glimmer of humor. I wouldn’t mind seeing this one edited down drastically. 

ROUTE 666 (2001)

route 666 cover 

Ah…a flashback to SyFy originals when it was actually the Sci-Fi Channel. Route 666 pretty much sets the standard for the network’s originals and reminds us that not much has changed. It’s watchable, has some funny moments and some cheesy action and horror scenes, but it’s ultimately forgettable.

route 666 lou and zombie

However, the premise is fun. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty are a couple of feds who rescue a mob informer from an Arizona desert bar, where the baddies have caught up with him. Steven Williams—Captain Fuller from the 21 Jump Street TV show—is the highlight of the film as the informant. He’s a quick talker who delivers all the comic lines and horror references. He also knows a zombie when he sees one.

route 666 steven williams

Actually, it’s a chain gang of zombies! These undead inmates they meet on Route 666 (“Duhn, duhn, duhn!” as Williams puts it) are chained together and still carrying their tools—pickaxe, jackhammer, sledgehammer. etc. They’re big and mean and kind of look like undead gray statues. Yeah, it’s cheesy. But the film also pulls a From Dusk Till Dawn and begins as an action film before the “horror” finally starts. Even then, it just continues as a hokey action film. But compared to the two films above, it’s a winner….

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES.

I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.

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