When the alien vampires are scary but the movie isn’t

teenagespacevampires

The 1999 film Teenage Space Vampires is a throwback to creature features of the 1950s and 1960s…right down to its rather “family fun” feel. I believe it was actually made for TV. It’s the kind of film you show to the young ones because it won’t destroy them, just leave them nicely scarred for life.

teenagespacevampires geek vamp

Geek being a geek or space vampire? Hard to say.

Indeed, the teenage vampire aliens are fricking freaky, with evil glowing eyes and totally metal mouth teeth. But there are no real jump scares, no gore, no curses, and no nudity.

teenage space vamps ship

Single serve spaceship?

The plot of a young high school student (Robin Dunne of the show Sanctuary) seeing a spaceship land in his town and then being pretty much on his own (with the help of a few friends) to stop the invaders from overtaking the world is sort of like the plot of a 1980s Steven Spielberg movie.

teenage space vamps lead 1

The execution and pacing of the movie, however, are not. Teenage Space Vampires has an exciting intro setup, including moving gargoyle statues that surround the spaceship, but after that, aside from an occasional flash of teenage vampire alien face, the movie plods along as the small band of friends trying to figure out how to stop the invasion as more and more people are converted.

teenagespacevampseyes

If Modern Family‘s Phil Dunphy got the space vampire treatment.

It’s not until the final quarter of the movie that things pick up, with the vamps looking more like aliens in their underground lair…

teenage spac e vamp alien

…and vampire chaos breaking out on the soccer field at a high school game.

teenage space vamp soccer player

Exactly what kind of sucking is that boy doing back there?

As cheesy as this film is, it definitely has a comforting, nostalgic monster movie feel. What I wouldn’t give to see this thing remade as a full-on horror movie that totally exploits these scary looking teenage vampire aliens. They never get old. Well, duh. Of course not. They’re vampires! And they even come in a twin pack.

teenage space vamp twins

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
This entry was posted in The Evil of the Thriller - Everything Horror and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply