When John Landis made vampires suck

innocentblood cover

In the 80s, he made werewolves fun and zombies dance. Then, in the 90s, John Landis made a mobster vampire movie called Innocent Blood.

As is usually the case with 90s horror flicks, I could not remember a thing about this movie. As soon as it started and the focus was the mob, I knew why I couldn’t remember it and assumed I probably tuned out immediately when I watched it over 20 years ago. I just don’t give a fuck about mob movies.

Pretty much every man you’ve ever seen play a mobster in a mob movie appears as a mobster in Innocent Blood. Adorable Anthony LaPaglia plays an undercover cop.

innocent blood lapaglia

Angela Bassett plays his boss for about two seconds. A cool soundtrack includes loads of Frank Sinatra, “Gett Off” by Prince during a strip club scene, a couple of songs by one hit wonder Rhythm Syndicate (but not the one hit), and Gloria Estefan. And whenever we see a television in the movie, there’s a classic horror movie playing.

innocentblood female vamp

So there’s this female vampire. She gets these awesome red eyes and tears a good chunk out of the necks of a couple of mobsters. The head mobster comes back as a vamp and starts to convert all his men. Anthony LaPaglia joins up with the vampire woman to stop them. Tom Savini has a few pointless scenes as a photographer.

innocentblood savini

All that matter is that I’m in a John Landis flick!

Oh And Don Rickles disintegrates.

innocent blood rickles

And it all takes almost two hours. It’s not scary. It’s not funny. It’s not exciting. The vampires in the last ten minutes are really cool and it’s very sexy when Anthony LaPaglia shows off his ass.

innocentblood butt

But I’m convinced John Landis decided that he would make sure the 80s were remembered as the best decade ever for horror by making a crappy, boring, forgettable 90s movie that would also solidify his 80s werewolf classic as his best film ever.

innocentblood landis

Please tell me An American Werewolf in London
is playing in the other theater.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES.

I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.

This entry was posted in Movie Times & Television Schedules - Staying Entertained, Sound Check - The Songs Stuck in My Head, The Evil of the Thriller - Everything Horror and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to When John Landis made vampires suck

  1. Brian says:

    That is a nice ass :p
    But otherwise, it isn’t a very good movie.

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