STREAM QUEEN 6

Streaming services often remind you that you get what you pay for, thanks to the dozens of bad horror titles they offer. So here are the 3 most recent time killers I checked out.

THE HOUSE WITH 100 EYES (2013)

house with 100 eyes cover

Found footage torture porn snuff film—3 reasons why I should have no use for this film. But honestly, this one actually kept me entertained.

A couple documents their technique and preparation for creating a “threesome” snuff film; they want to get a guy and two girls to fuck on camera and then kill them. After several failed attempts at luring various trios to their home, they finally succeed.

house with 100 eyes couple

Gritty and perverse, yet oddly darkly comic, The House with 100 Eyes delivers blurred nudity (not sure why it’s blurred), super gory torture of one girl (although the footage is choppy…so to speak), a jerk-off scene (again, blurred), a legless and armless chick in a cage, and a weirdly entertaining performance as the husband begins to unravel when his video shoot goes wrong.

house with 100 eyes torture

The ending is quite satisfying when we are suddenly presented with a final girl who doesn’t fuck around. Not to mention, the final shot leaves you wondering who actually lived….

DARK WAS THE NIGHT (2014)

dark was the night cover

Stark, gloomy, and gritty, this slow burner somehow keeps you watching. The presence of Kevin Durand of The Strain as the sheriff is a big part of it. He is so incredibly sexy and delivers a perfectly subdued performance here. His character is recently separated from his wife, they had a son that died, and they have another son struggling with the death of his brother.

dark was the night lead

Meanwhile, it’s the dead of winter, and the town is gripped by terror. Something is coming out of the woods and ripping people apart. This unseen creature is leaving huge footprints right in the streets, and only a few people have actually spotted it and lived to tell. Eventually, the creature comes for the sheriff and his family in some great tension-filled scenes. Keeping the mystery and suspense tight, all we ever see are the creature’s hooved feet.

dark was the night prints

Unfortunately, the character-focused drama/creature connection never fully pans out, and we learn nothing about the creature’s existence. We do, however, finally see the creature in an absolutely AWFUL cartoonish CGI moment in the final frame! It looked like something from a Playstation 1 video game. WTF?

THE LAZARUS EFFECT (2015)

 lazarus effect cover

Flatliners meets Pet Sematary? A group of young researchers, including Olivia Wilde, the freak from the gayish found footage film Creep (blog here), a completely wasted Evan Peters of American Horror Story, and a couple of others, are experimenting to bring the dead back to life.

lazarus effect cast

They succeed on a dog, but then accidentally kill Olivia. So they bring her back to life. But, she’s…off. She also seems to have every psychic power imaginable, from reading thoughts to moving shit with her mind. She can also summon black demon eyes when she feels like scaring her friends. BOO!

lazarus effect monster

Horror icon Ray Wise has a 2-second cameo, plus Olivia squishes a guy in a locker, makes someone swallow a penlight, and squeezes someone’s head until he dies. There are also lots of flickering lights and blackouts to make things really scary—for a ten-year old. Olivia’s final revenge plan for her friends is kind of delicious, but it’s not worth watching this piece of soulless Hollywood horror crap to get to that final zinger. Unless, again, you’re a ten-year old….

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES.

I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.

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One Response to STREAM QUEEN 6

  1. Pingback: Three reasons why I’d rather be watching trashy b-movies | BOYS, BEARS & SCARES

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