Sometimes I just like it fast and funny, so these three mostly did the trick. The cute shirtless guys were a bonus.
MANSION OF BLOOD (2015)
This is the movie FULL MOON would be making if it were still making movies even halfway worth watching.
It’s hard to believe this one is from 2015 when it looks and feels straight out of the late 90s Full Moon vaults.
It’s as chaotic, goofy, and sexy as you can imagine.
Loads of people are invited to an eclipse party at an old mansion.
Gary Busey appears to be their host.
One goth chick summons her dead ex, another chick kills a guy, there’s a pack of killer little people, there are huge tits bobbing in a hot tub, there appear to be vampires, mummies, and ghosts.
I have no idea what’s going on, but it’s a total midnight movie mess made even better by a lot of shirtless guys in the second half.
Pretty boy Kyle Clarke is actually the reason I bought this film after seeing his brief appearance in Playing with Dolls: Havoc.
His out of briefs appearance in Mansion of Blood is much more satisfying.
BADASS MONSTER KILLER (2015)
This is like a 1970s adult funk and soul action horror comic book come to life, so depending on your tastes, you’re either going to love it or have no interest at all.
It’s definitely a visual spectacle in all its colorful cartoon glory, with neon colors and awesome rubber costume monsters, loads of T&A, and a sexy action hero leading man working for a secret government organization that fights monsters (something he mentions regularly). It’s kind of like Dick Tracy meets Shaft…meets horror.
There’s loads of goofy action and monster fun, but Badass Monster Killer does run a little long for what it is, so the novelty begins to wear off.
Also, the almost nonstop funk and soul background music becomes absolutely maddening.
The payoff is so worth it, because our leading man finally gets shirtless at the end. And there’s also a little something in it for Lovecraft fans.
THE BABYSITTER (2017)
Finally, there’s the runaway Netflix hit The Babysitter.
Forget babysitter slashers, this has a fun twist that puts it more in line with late 90s dark comedies like Jawbreaker and Teaching Mrs. Tingle, while throwing in plenty of 80s references and some classic tracks by Bow Wow Wow and Queen.
But they don’t stick around for long. They’re off on a trip, and the boy is left with his way cool, wicked hot babysitter.
Then shit goes bad real fast, and the boy spends most of the film being stalked and terrorized by a gorgeous, shirtless muscle stud, played by Robbie Arnell (Left for Dead), which is undressed…I mean, addressed in the movie.
The Babysitter is gory, funny, quirky, has the awesome Hana Mae Lee of Pitch Perfect, and funny man Andrew Bachelor…who sadly, doesn’t get shirtless (perhaps Arnell insisted upon it in his contract…).
Plus Judah Lewis, who plays the main boy, has all the screen charm of a young Corey Haim and all the smarts of an 80s leading main kid as well.