Not my kind of big hairy moon movies….

So much for my decision to stream this werewolf double feature. The hints of werewolf excitement in Dark Moon Rising and Blood Moon don’t even add up to one fun werewolf film.

DARK MOON RISING (2015)
dark moon rising cover

If Twilight were a gory horror fantasy made by someone on drugs, it would probably be Dark Moon Rising. Trendy electro tracks and a few early scenes focusing on college friends give the illusion that this is going to be a cheesy good, Cursed-esque horror flick. But then comes the plot….

dark moon rising change

A town is being threatened by a werewolf version of a Lost Boys clan. Meanwhile, there’s a pretty boy who looks super homo EMO and is going through a mysterious change. Luckily, there’s a female romantic interest around to hold his hand and make sure he grows his hair in the right direction. We also have Eric Roberts as some sort of drunken werewolf trainer suffering from war flashbacks. Endless disjointed scenes baffle rather than give any sense of what the fuck is going on.

dark moon rising wolf

There are wolves, wolfmen, and big, cartoonish CGI werewolves—not sure if they were all just varying states of transformation of the same beings. Loads of astral-like new age sequences cross into an artsy, fantasy film realm that just befuddles my simple “me werewolf, me kill” mentality. The main werewolf threat is this hot-bodied dude who would be super sexy if he didn’t appear to be whacked out on bath salts.

dark moon rising hottie

Eventually, he and his pack battle the homo EMO kid and his friends. Supposedly, this is part of a trilogy. I’m advising myself in writing to skip the remaining films.

BLOOD MOON (2014)

blood moon cover

It’s 1887—which is a movie’s way of saying, “I’d highly advise you to stop watching right now, Dan.” But I didn’t. I sat through nearly an hour of people in ridiculous period piece costumes, toting guns and talking all old-fashioned. Some people in a saloon are held captive by some outlaws. I really should have stopped watching. I actually just said saloon and outlaws in a blog. Of course, I already threw away all my dignity when I said “befuddled” above.

blood moon claw

Finally, at the 50-minute mark, a body is dragged past the front door, and it’s a gory mess. Soon after, there’s a jump scare as the werewolf huffs, puffs, and tries to blow their saloon down. The massive werewolf is fierce as hell looking, and not CGI. You can tell, because his mouth stays frozen in an open snarl like he’s a piece of taxidermy an 1887 cowboy would mount over his fireplace.

blood moon wolf

A plan is hatched to bait and kill the werewolf and eventually, horses pulling a stagecoach make the werewolf into road kill. First of all, if horses saw a werewolf twice as big as them standing in the road, they would take a detour. Second, horses and a stagecoach wouldn’t be able to smoothly run over an enormous werewolf like it was a speed bump. The horses would be glue, the stagecoach would be kindling, and the big bad wolf would live happily ever after—cooking horse meat over a fire for dinner every night.

Thankfully, Blood Moon doesn’t appear to be the first of a trilogy.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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One Response to Not my kind of big hairy moon movies….

  1. dcscribe8860 says:

    OMFG…I would ask WHERE THE FUCK do you find these??? But then, I go back to my video store clerking days, and remember that grade-Z shit like this showed up on VHS CONSTANTLY. In fact, it was more likely to back then. I guess streaming and OnDemand has made it a bit easier to find a place to “toss out the video trash.”

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