Naked zombies and a killer ass

More horror comedy trash from Mark Pirro, the man who brought us Curse of the Queerwolf (blog) and Deathrow Gameshow (blog). And these are possibly two of his best.

NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD (1991)

nudist colony of dead cover

A zombie musical! Nudist Colony of the Dead is the kind of movie you’d expect to see on USA’s Up All Night program back in the 1990s. Even so, it looks like something straight out of the 80s. It also sounds like it. The theme song alone could be a lost Nina Hagen track…and I want it on my iPod immediately.

As for the movie, it’s all about a nudist colony that’s closed down by a bunch of Bible thumpers (who also believe that video games spread like the plague in 82—they did. I was there). This nudist colony, led by a woman in bad old lady makeup and a super saggy tits costume, vows revenge then commits mass suicide.

nudist colony of dead old hag

Five years later, a group of young people come to town for a religious retreat…and sing their way through various genres of songs about sex and religion as naked zombies rise from the grave and start picking them off. Sadly, the dead nudists are pretty much not naked; they’re actually wearing what look like mummified caveman attire. Bummer.

The movie spends a lot of time trashing Christian extremism (some things never change). Certain gags, like the guy who constantly misquotes scripture, start to wear thin and it takes a while to get to the goofy yet gory zombie action. But when the zombies rise from the grave to an 80s synthpop instrumental, it’s Michael Jackson “Thriller” perfection.

nudist colony of dead grave raise

In fact, the zombies do eventually sing and dance to an awesome song called “Kill All the Zealots.”

nudist colony of dead zombie dance

While there are a couple of really annoying songs along the way, there are also other highlights, including the rap performed by the deputy and the Christians…

…as well as a rocking Satan battle song that has an 80s girl group sound.

Nudist Colony of the Dead seriously needs a soundtrack release because I desperately need some of these songs in my Halloween playlist.

RECTUMA (2003)

rectuma cover

Rectuma could make Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma team jealous. I also wouldn’t be surprised if this movie about a giant killer ass wasn’t an inspiration for the giant sperm segment of Chillerama (blog here). Not to mention, this hole had teeth virtually a decade before the hole in Teeth (blog here).

While on vacation with his wife (who appears to be attempting to kill him throughout the movie), a dude who looks like Cousin Balki’s cousin from Perfect Strangers gets anally raped by a Mexican horny toad (and doesn’t even know it). If you’re into frog porn, forget it. They don’t show anything.

rectuma exam

Anal experts just make matters worse. Soon, his ass begins detaching from his body and going out on a murdering spree. Hm. Wonder if this was the inspiration for Bad Milo (blog here…man, I watch some trashy shit). Speaking of shit, the ass not only eats people with its anal teeth, it also shits all over them. Oh yes, it’s a shit humor movie. Big time.

rectuma monster

It also has a detective who believes she’s Clarice Starling (the actress does a great Jodie Foster). And her partner is a bulky cutie who takes a sperm sample to the face and later feels he needs to be spanked, administering it himself (and talking dirty while doing it) when our leading man refuses to give it to him.

rectuma spank2

Priests also attempt to exorcise the ass (so wrong), but fail. The ass just keeps getting bigger and bigger, even scoring a pair of little Asian “Mothra” twins, and eventually destroys the city and climbs a skyscraper.

rectuma mothra girls

The military has to put a cork in Rectuma by shooting a giant butt plug into it (with a poor guy attached to it).

rectuma building

The movie promises a sequel about a killer ball bag called Scroton, but that hasn’t happened.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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