Indulging in the full Feast

John Gulager, son of Clu Gulager (who reignited his career with 80s horror), won Ben & Matt’s Project Greenlight, and the first Feast was born. Naturally, his dad stars in all three installments, and these midnight movie grindhouse creature features just get more disgusting and perverse along the way. So let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

FEAST (2005)

You can kind of tell the first film was less in John Culager’s control and more in the hands of Hollywood. There are numerous familiar names in the cast (Balthazar Getty, Jason Mewes, Henry Rollins, Duane Whitaker, Eric Dane), and even the most over-the-top moments are tame compared to what comes in the sequels.

A group of rednecks gets trapped in a bar by a handful of big gnarly monsters in the first film.

Each film begins with still frame introductions of characters with stats. Shaky cam and quick, choppy editing is used to create a frenetic pace in all three films, and keeps the monsters more of a mystery for most of the first film. It’s the full awesome CGI-free monster Monty in the sequels. Also of note is that the surprise trick in these movies becomes less of a surprise after a while—the person you least expect to die gets torn apart out of nowhere.

Here’s some of the fun you can expect in the first film:

–A kid is eaten

–A baby monster humps a deer head on the wall

–Baby monster also face fucks a bound biker chick who spits out its cum

–A face gets ripped off

–A guy’s eye gets pulled out slowly and then the socket gets maggots later

–Two monsters have sex

–A monster’s dick and balls get trapped in a door

–A monster pulls off Henry Rollins’s pants (clearly it has better taste than the face-fucking baby monster)

–Balthazar Getty asks him if he’s gay later because he is wearing pink sweats and speaks like he’s educated

–The group straps bombs to a person with no leg and uses her as bait

–one chick gets to a truck safely and leaves them all to die. This self-serving theme carries through all the films and just gets worse.

FEAST II: SLOPPY SECOND (2008)

Picking up where the first film left off, the sequel’s plot is about a biker chick hunting down Balthazar Getty for something he did to her twin in the first movie, yet she never finds him because he didn’t return for the sequel. This movie is also my least favorite. It runs 100 minutes long and starts to drag despite all the insanity, such as:

–Biker chick heads to Balthazar’s town after torturing Clu until he gives the address. She takes him along and they meet a whole new group of sleazy people

–The biker chick shoots a dog

–We see hairy girl pussy when a chick having sex with a little man is dragged out the window by a monster.

–Clu bites off the ear of the chick who deserted them in the first film after banging her head against a toilet bowl with shit floating in it

–The group dissects a monster and goo splats all over them. Its wiener pisses all over them, too

–There is a domino effect puke party

–Another maggot moment during a sex dream

–A guy goes to rescue a crying baby, but when the monsters start catching up with him, he tosses the baby to them in the most wrong and hilarious scene in the whole franchise

–Trapped on a roof, they throw a chick off to distract monsters

–They build a slingshot to catapult themselves to another building. They use a whimpering old lady to test it, cutting parts of her off until she is light enough. When the test fails, they slingshot a little dude across anyway

–A bunch of girls ends up practically naked because the group used their clothes to make the slingshot

–Part 2 has no clean conclusion because it segues right into part 3, and they were both release the same year

 FEAST III: THE HAPPY FINISH (2009)

The final film is better than the second, and not only because it runs only 80 minutes long. The pacing is just better. Since it picks up right where the second left off and the two were filmed simultaneously, maybe they should have just taken 10 minutes from that one and added it to this to make them two 90-minute movies! Nah…they should have just lobbed 20 minutes off the second film.

So, what stands out in this final piece of midnight madness trash?

–Starts off strong with monster eating someone’s head and then shitting it out. That’s some fast metabolism

–Keeping with the shit theme, the girls beat up an old dude until he shits himself

–John Allen Nelson of fricking Killer Klowns from Outer Space is a muscle stud, but sadly he isn’t in the film for long

–A dude gets fucked through a glory hole in a wall by a monster and his stomach explodes

–Monster balls are swinging freely several times

–Biker girls get on a bus and drive off, leaving the others to chase after it on foot

–A crazy dude in a robe who can control the monsters says “I’ve got the gift, faggots.” You know, because that was totally necessary…

–As the group crawls through a vent, Clu farts in the face of a little dude…because when you’re running out of shock material for your trilogy, resorting to faggots and farts is the answer…

–Clu cuts off a dude’s damaged arm without warning him first

–There’s an overly long battle scene—only overly long because it’s filmed with a strobe light effect

–They use a pipe stuck in one guy’s head as a gun

–Clu gets the final line, it’s sexual, and it’s awesome

The final scene also sets the director up for a totally different spinoff, but that never materialized.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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