Go to a cabin in the woods and you’re either going to get slashed or demonized

They’re two of my favorite reasons to go to a cabin in the woods in a horror movie, so that’s why slasher WTF! And demon flick Bornless Ones have been on my radar for a while. Finally got a chance to check them out as a double feature. But did they double my pleasure as anticipated?

WTF! (2017)

 WTF cover

When a chick runs out of a cabin naked, covered in blood, and screams, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” – you’ve got my attention.

WTF! starts strong for sure, but I’d highly advise that you find your strength and get through the first part, because it’s some time before  WTF! finds its strength again. For slasher lovers, it’s worth it in the end.

WTF pool

Perez Hilton makes a big gay appearance at a pool party – so gay he can’t even stomach being around a female.

WTF perez

But he doesn’t get invited along for the rest of the slasher party when all his friends decide to spend spring break at a house in the woods. Our main girl has issues; she lost all her friends to a crazed killer several years before. Even so, this wouldn’t be a slasher if she didn’t make the really bad decision to go along anyway.

As the fun at the cabin gets in gear…it doesn’t. The guys needle one kid repeatedly about his sexual orientation.

WTF pit

The main girl’s boyfriend is a dick about her frigidity caused by her PTSD. The guys play video games. The group hangs by the pool.

WTF girls

The girls suck pseudo-lesbian face for the boys. The boys cheap scare each other and play more video games. The entire group is really obnoxious in that white privilege/red Solo cup college kid way.

At this point, we’re pretty deep into the film and my ADHD needle is quaking in the red. Then suddenly, it happens. WTF! becomes the movie it should have been all along.

WTF backstab

The first kill hits simultaneously with some fleeting but nice boy booty.

WTF bottom

The cast magically has fantastic material to work with – clever, fast, funny – to showcase their talent.

WTF killer

We are quickly knee-deep in a kick ass modern slasher, with brutal kills and some of the best character reactions to their predicament I’ve seen in a slasher flick in recent times.

WTF burn

Here’s hoping if there’s a sequel, it picks up right where this one left off, and by that I mean, right where the creative juices really started flowing.

BORNLESS ONES (2016)

bornless ones cover

In Bornless Ones, a young woman and her boyfriend move to a house in the woods so she can better focus on caring for her brother with cerebral palsy. They bring along a handful of friends to kick off their new peaceful existence…with a party.

bornless ones cast

Once again, we have a boyfriend that can’t get any from the main girl because she’s suffering from emotional distress.

bornless ones intro

That doesn’t stop one of the other couples from having some juicy-titted sex. There’s a party montage, a demon takes advantage of the sleeping brother and…

bornless ones brother

Let the Evil Dead games begin! Don’t expect an homage to Ash taking on Deadites as much as a sleek, contemporary production ridiculously in line with the 2013 remake.

bornless ones tongue

Bornless Ones seems like a re-imagining of the 2013 film for those of us who felt the remake took itself way too seriously and lacked any of the fun midnight movie spirit of the Bruce Campbell original.

bornless ones wall art

Gory (with no CGI) and devilish yet injected with some subtle dark humor, this remake…um…I mean…coincidentally similar film is what the 2013 Evil Dead could have been if not paralyzed by the fear of being a pale imitation of its original source material had it dared be even slightly humorous.

bornless ones guy demon

Not much time is wasted on character development because who cares? I just want to see these bitches get possessed with demon eyes, drooling mouths, and demonic voices, and tear into each other with a snarky line from hell.

bornless ones knife

And that’s exactly what Bornless Ones gives us. The lighting is dark, ominous, and atmospheric, the makeup is classic demon stuff, and the high-pitched voices of the possessed are so obnoxious and taunting you just know their demon heads need to roll.

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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