In the wake of the post-Scream slasher resurgence, a little movie from 2000 called Lovers Lane squeezed its way in between I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend, and Valentine—and mashed up all three films in the process.
On Valentine’s Day 13 years ago, parked lovers were attacked by a hooded killer with a hook hand, who even made one dude jump out of his car in just his tighty whities. Wahoo!
Flash to the present and a group of kids, including the sheriff’s daughter, has plans for Valentine’s Day. Guess where they’re going to end up….
The sheriff is played by hunky studly sexy hot Matt Riedy, who more recently played a police sergeant in The Den. Hey. The man looks good in a uniform.
But I can’t help wonder if he was out of the uniform when he appeared in the gay hustler film Boy Culture. Yeah. It’s time to check that one out. I mean, sometimes, the only part of him you can see in Lovers Lane is his muscle butt!
Anyway, Lovers Lane definitely feels like a slasher from the late 90s, but a good part of the movie just features the kids doing lame shit like bowling and sitting in sex ed class and the sheriff worrying because the dude from 13 years before has escaped from the mental institution.
There are virtually no kills or action until they at last get to lovers lane. They end up in an old house in the woods, where they begin getting hunted down by the killer. Poor Anna Faris, who was just about to make it big with the Scary Movie franchise, gets seriously hooked. Ouch. That’s going to leave a hole. Or should I say, another hole.
It may not be the best slasher, but once Lovers Lane gets to the good parts, it definitely enters familiar territory and entertains enough to satisfy this slasher fan. I did sort of laugh at a quickly slapped together scheme to get the killer that ends with someone screaming “Burn, mother fucker!” To which I added, “Burn!”
The twist is super twisty, combining a little bit of the reveals that we get from all the slashers I mentioned above, which leaves you scratching your head until the characters quickly figure it out for themselves and explain it to us. It’s at that point that you can say, “Ah. That was kind of clever!”