Vapid, Shallow Models Must Die! is a great title for a campy horror film, but instead, it feels like director Michael Haboush grabbed his old VHS video camera, told his friends the basic premise of his movie, and then had them make up lines to get the point across. That works in favor of several of the vapid, shallow models, because their “acting” is quite natural.
Actually, the film reminds me of old school, really bad Andy Warhol crap movies. The protagonist, named Digitz, is an apparently fat and ugly dude we never see. Looking to become a model, he goes to this totally whacked out photographer dude (this guy will have you laughing by the end of the movie—he almost has the other “actors” laughing). But the guy tells him how hideous he is and suggests he become a photographer.
So after what looks like some personal footage of a fashion show at a club, Digitz places an ad calling for models. For the remainder of the movie, we watch through the camera lens as he photographs models one after the other—and hypnotizes them with his eye bracelet. Once his models are hypnotized, he has them choke themselves to death.
Meanwhile, he has two assistants who clean up the bodies and kidnap the crazy photographer who called him hideous. This bizarre dude is locked in an animal cage (which seems like an appropriate place for him), eventually goes even more crazy, and dresses up like Jesus and carries a crucifix around town.
Unless you’re in to “avante-garde” “art” movies, there’s not much reason to watch this oddity—although it does have an amazing allure for curiosity seekers. Plus, there’s something bizarrely erotic about the full-frontal male model nudity scenes.
The very first model is adorable and Digitz has a gruff, pervy voice, so it’s quite naughty when he slowly seduces the young man into showing all. Then we get the male/female musician team as the second subjects (yawn). There’s also an effeminate, emaciated gay dude who gets naked (twink lovers’ paradise), and finally, an absolutely wild chick who doesn’t fall for his tricks.
Last but not least, Digitz is confronted by his gorgeous guido boss at the construction site, who proceeds to show off his fantastic martial arts body moves—but never gets naked. Bummer. I was hoping it was all was leading up to that. It could have saved the whole movie….