Isn’t that such a boring headline compared to my usual brilliantly clever and entertaining blog headlines? Thing is, I was trying to make the headline fit the movie. So guess what I think about the zombie film Extinction: The GMO Chronicles.
See, me personally, I would never have dated someone who always attempted to be smart and deep, loved to hear himself talk, and when he did shut up, it caused long, drawn out pauses. I’d go more for someone funny, who could keep up with my ADHD pacing, and liked to jump out from behind doors. Hell, he could even be a little dumb, just as long as he looked good and kept me in the mood.
Wake up! It’s not over yet!
So that’s why I struggled to get through Extinction: The GMO Chronicles (the hour and fifty-five minute running time didn’t help either). Just give me fucking gut-munching zombies! Jeez! Is that too much to ask from my zombie movies?
To be fair, there are scenes of zombie chaos, fast running undead, and even leaping zombies. And those scenes are pretty damn cool, if a little too darkly lit at times to see what’s really going on. But at least that adds to the scare factor. And these are some awesomely hideous looking zombies. They deserved more screen time.
However, it’s all the crap you have to sit through between those scenes that will have you thinking, “When I want character and story development that takes months to pan out with my zombie genre, I’ll turn on The Walking Dead!”
Our leading man keeps a video diary. When we first meet him, he’s living on a military base. Soon, he starts connecting with other survivors. And we sit through them scavenging, trying to contact others with phones, hunting for food, playing sports. It’s like the Dawn of the Dead boredom all over again.
No, I’m not the zombie from Land of the Dead. You think we all look alike?
And of course, there are tensions between members of the group, someone gets bit, someone is dealing with mental health issues, someone is looking for a family member, a baby comes into play, they search for answers and a cure, and eventually, religious moralism is forced into the film. We’ve seen it all before…only faster.
But I must say, the introduction of a still, eyeless “shrieker” zombie is so cool…and feels like it’s stolen right from the Left 4 Dead video games.
Finally, I think Extinction: The GMO Chronicles is so long in hopes that viewers will forget that the beginning, which happens three days before the events of the rest of the movie, seems to create an hour and fifty-two minute plot hole….