Don’t forget to pack the lube before heading to Slew Hampshire

slew hamshire cover

This mess of a movie is all over the place, but it’s impossible to turn away. It’s sort of a backwoods/backdoor/creature feature/grindhouse flick that has a lot of potential. Unfortunately, distractingly unnecessary camerawork and editing spoils what could be an awesome exploitative horror film, as does the inclusion of out of place “poetry” that, I don’t know—attempts to elevate it to something way more artistic than it actually is? I mean, it’s a film about fudge-packing trailer trash. Let its beauty speak for itself!

Slew Hampshire (the “American Backwoods” part of the title should totally be dropped) also takes place on Columbus Day weekend, so it appears we finally have a horror flick covering this now controversial holiday….

Some flamboyant, French Pee-Wee Herman dude entices three asshole white boys to visit a scandalous strip club just over the border—nope, not into Mexico—into Canada. One of the boys looks freakishly like Danny Amatullo from the Fame TV show.

slew hampshire amatullo

So the boys go to pick up their Ivy League black buddy, whose gnarly, mangled hand is given significant weight on camera, even though we never quite find out why.

slew hamshire boys

Anyway, the boys hit the road, get into a car accident, and end up in the clutches of a butt-fucking gang of rednecks. There also happens to be some sort of primitive tribe living in the woods, and amongst them is an animalistic, werewolf-like man who is tragically underutilized. Hell, I would have dropped the tribe and just focused on the animalistic creature. He could’ve been some long forgotten previous victim of the butt fuckers who has been living in the woods for years and has now come back for revenge.

slewhamshire monster

But that’s not what we get. I honestly don’t know what was going on with the tribe angle, so I’ll speak mostly to the butt fuckers (don’t I always?). This burly, bearded bunch is unashamedly into man hole. The guy who drives the pretty boys to the sex trailer sings an awesome song about gay sex, and later says to the ringleader “I love when you jerk off my dick with your asshole, boss.”

Then comes the scene that tops Deliverance, so-to-speak. These butt fuckers cram into their little trailer and cram their dicks into two pretty boys. That’s right. It’s double the Deliverance. Unfortunately for the butt fuckers, things go horribly wrong when they try a spit roast. One of the bottom boys spits out his bite guard and things gets very “The Last Gay Trailer on The Left.”

slew hampshire boy bottom

Thanks to the hairy beast in the woods, one of the pretty boys gets away from the butt fuckers and escapes through the woods. He manages to completely avoid the tribe, but he does end up having two sexy fetish fantasies…I mean…nightmares about being the centerpiece of a gangbang, first by some bears around a stripper pole, then by a trio of lumberjacks in the woods.

slew hampshire fantasy

Meanwhile, one of his friends, badly hurt and immobile in a cabin, is forced to eat poisonous blueberries while watching one of the butt fuckers put on a jerk off show for him, which serves as foreplay to the real action; the butt fucker plans to bang the corpse after the blueberries do their job.

Honestly, with all that going on, all the other stuff barely matters. Seriously, if this chaotic film about college boys vs. redneck butt-fuckers vs. a wild man beast had a tighter plot, it could be a damn good gay horror freak show. As is, it’s kind of just a sideshow. Either way, it’s going on both my homo horror movies page and my sausagefest page. And I’d kind of highly suggest you check the film out….

 

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES.

I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.

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